Wide awake, I sat up in bed before a hint of light entered the room. Iâd had another dream about Jennifer, my middle child. Sheâs 38 now, a wife and a mother of three. Usually in my dreams sheâs still a little girlâshy, freckle-faced and with a brightly colored headband holding back her shiny auburn hair. I loved her hair. Iâd brush it into a ponytail and kiss the tiny hollow at the back of her neck before she left for school.
Jennifer was a mamaâs girl. I never minded being called in the middle of the night to rescue her from a slumber party. âI have a stomachache, Mama,â she would complain, but we both knew she was homesick. I loved having her snuggle next to me as we drove home at 2 a.m. We fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Jennifer had been five years old and her older sister, Julie, seven, when the twins were born. Everything changed. The boys demanded so much of my time and energy, I hardly had any left for their older sisters. I was constantly exhaustedâand short-tempered. Writing became my only escape. In retrospect, I saw it so clearly. Sweet, quiet Jennifer, sandwiched between the others, required almost nothing from me.
One afternoon Jennifer made a chocolate cake for a school bake sale. She did it all by herself, carefully spreading the icing between the layers, covering the cake with chocolate frosting. I stood there admiring it, when somehow she bumped the plate and the cake fell to the floor. The layers slid apart, seemingly in slow motion. We both stared in shock. Then Jennifer sucked in her breath and said softly, âIâll have to make another oneâand thereâs no more cocoa.â
I glanced at my watch. Was there any way I could possibly run to the store before I picked up the boys at school and dropped them at their various practices? I was on a tight deadline for an article that was due. Before I could come up with a solution, Jennifer did. âItâs okay, Mama. I know youâre busy,â she said matter-of- factly. âThe top layer is fine. Iâll just take that to school.â
And I let her.
While she was in college, her father battled brain cancer. One day Jennifer and I stood outside his hospital room. âHeâs not going to be here to give me away when I get married, is he?â
I shook my head sadly, absorbed in my own pain. A year later, her twin brothers walked her down the aisle. I couldnât help wishing that she and I had spent more time together before she started life on her own.
Eventually Jennifer had three children of her own, two boys and a little girl who looked amazingly like her. They lived about an hour and a half away. Sometimes it seemed as though she were worlds away. I often dreamed about herâdreamed that we were close again, like we were when she was small. But this dream was different.
I got out of bed and went to the kitchen, going over the details. No wonder Iâd been jolted awake. Unlike my usual dreams about Jennifer, in this one she was a grown woman and mixed in with a crowd some distance away. I stood on my tiptoes and waved and hollered, âJennifer! Over here! Iâm over here!â But she didnât notice me.
Was it too early in the morning to call her now? I longed to hear my daughterâs voice. Often when I phoned, she wasnât home and I ended up speaking to an answering machine. She was busy with the children or playing tennis or substitute teaching. When we did talk, our conversations floundered as if we were talking through a wall. That morning as the sky filled with light, I dialed her number. She answered on the second ring.
âHey,â I said, trying to sound lighthearted. âI had a dream about you last night.â
âYou did?â
I could picture her in her kitchen, her long hair darker than it was when she was a child but still lustrous and beautiful. I wished I could reach out and touch it.
Then Jennifer surprised me. âI dreamed about you too. But it was terrible. I wonât even tell you.â
âYou canât help what you dream, Jen. Go on, tell.â
Her words tumbled out. âWe were walking to a wedding, and we took a shortcut through a vegetable garden. I was in the wedding, so I had to be on time, but a farmer hollered that Iâd stepped on one of his tomatoes. I offered to pay for it. He said, âOkay, 43 cents.â
âThatâs when I realized I didnât have any money and asked you for a loan. You said no, and I started crying. Your purse was a black box with a lock on it. I somehow managed to pry it open. Inside you had lots of money. âPlease, Mother,â I begged. You said I had stepped on the tomato and so I would have to pay for it. I ran all the way home, got the money, ran back and paid the farmer. But by the time I got to the church, the wedding was over. I woke up in tears.â
The pain in her voice almost cut my breath off. My purse, a locked black box. Was I that far out of reach?
Jennifer attempted a laugh. âWasnât that ridiculous, Mother?â
Dry-mouthed, I replied, âNo, not at all. There were so many things I should have done for youâŠ.â
âWell, you could have gotten up from your typewriter sometimes,â she said. âYou were always writing.â
I couldnât undo the past, but I loved that she was being honest and open. This was my chance.
âJennifer, youâre right,â I said. âI overlooked you. You seemed so capable. I forgot you were just a child.â
There was silence on her end of the line. The communication seemed broken again. That was as far as we got. God, please bring Jennifer back to me.
I thought about her all morning. Finally I called an old friend. I told her about Jenniferâs dream and our awkward attempt to connect. âYou know,â she said, âyour relationship probably broke down over a lot of little things, like that cocoa you told me about. Itâll take little things to mend it.â
Little things, like the cocoa. Little things that stood for bigger things. Like the 43-cent tomato? I had read in the Bible how God spoke to people in dreams. Was my dream Godâs way of prompting me to try again with Jen?
From my desk drawer, I pulled out a note card. âDear Jen,â I wrote on it, âthis is what I should have done in the dream.â
I found a small, golden mesh bag with a drawstring, something Iâd been saving for years. I dropped 43 cents into it, then stuck the bag and the note into an envelope and addressed it to Jennifer. I barely made it to the post office before that dayâs mail went out.
The next day, the phone rang while I was at my typewriter.
âMama, I got the 43 cents!â
âThat was quick!â I said. âI wish I could have been just as quick to reach out to you when you were growing up, Jen. Can I ever make it up to you?â
âForty-three cents is a start,â she said.
We were talking. I was tremendously encouraged. âBet you canât guess what Iâm doing,â I said.
âBet I can.â Jen laughed.
âWhat?â
âWriting about 43 cents.â That was my Jen. She knew me like a book. We both laughed. We still had a way to go, but weâd begun. The whole thing started with a dream. Two dreams really. They had given Jen and me an opening, a lead to follow. So what if it meant doing something that seemed a little foolishâJen telling me about her dream and me sending her some change. Nothingâs too foolish if itâs done out of love. And nothing is too foolish to restore love.
Enjoy more stories by Marion Bond West.
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Our Disney trip was special on many levels. There was the excitement of seeing the characters, awesome shows, rides, parades and fireworks. There were oh-so-yummy foods and somebody saying âI want a biteâ whenever we bought a croissant, donut or some other delicious treat. There were priceless times of young cousins and adult siblings spending time together.
In the midst of all the laughter and acrobatics, I whispered a prayer thanking God for the blessing of family time, for the sweet memories that bind all of us together. 