I\u2019ve tried to like it. I\u2019ve pretended to like it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve watched \u201cfootball,\u201d i.e. soccer, in a London pub full of howling, pint-swilling die-hard fans. I\u2019ve seen big, live national matches in packed stadiums in Ecuador and Colombia, where the most compelling element was the ever-present threat of violence and mayhem in the stands, fans smashing beer bottles over one another\u2019s heads. I\u2019ve watched the World Cup, which is presently being held in Brazil. There could be no more sacrosanct moment for me to make this admission\u2013I just can\u2019t get into soccer.<\/p>\n
Which is unprecedented. Usually I can be instantly sucked in by any activity where a score is kept. Julee claims I will watch anything competitive, and I totally do. Except soccer.<\/p>\n
It isn\u2019t just that the game is slow-paced and low-scoring. Similar slander can be leveled (wrongly, I believe) against baseball. And as we approach the Major League All-Star Break, that incomparable midsummer night, maybe the very nature of baseball is useful by way of comparison to today\u2019s modern sports, including soccer.<\/p>\n
Our putative national pastime is really a nineteenth-century pastoral activity, a Victorian-era invention with overtones of Romanticism. It is one of the few sports (and alone among modern sports) where time is not the enemy, the second foe. There is no clock. There is no overtime, or\u2013heaven forbid\u2013sudden death, just extra innings. In theory a baseball game can last until Judgment Day. Football, basketball, hockey\u2013all are desperate, mechanistic battles against the relentless game clock. When time \u201cexpires,\u201d you\u2019re either a winner or a loser. Time is the ultimate conqueror.<\/p>\n
Nor does baseball have penalties. A football game\u2019s outcome often turns on the judgment of a single official declaring that a violation of the rules has occurred and must be punished (though the other team can show mercy if it is to their advantage to do so). I find the frequency of penalties in basketball so maddening that it makes most contests unbearable and reveals how imperfectly conceived basketball is if a game cannot progress more than a minute without a blaring horn announcing that yet another foul has been committed. In hockey there is actually a provision for incarcerating the offending player. Punishment is a key to the game. The closest thing to a penalty in baseball is an error, and that is more a penalty against oneself rather than a transgression, a \u201cmiscue\u201d rather than a violation.<\/p>\n
Soccer has a kaleidoscope of infractions, replete with colored \u201cpenalty cards.\u201d Plus \u201cextra time\u201d to compensate for the time wasted distributing said cards. Maybe that\u2019s why I haven\u2019t fallen in love with soccer, the way I\u2019ve been told I\u2019m supposed to if I don\u2019t want to be seen as some Yankee yokel. Nothing much happens outside people faking victimhood and trying to con a ref into calling a penalty. An entire nation\u2019s sense of pride can pivot on such a moment. Riots and looting break out.<\/p>\n
Once again this World Cup I have tried to get excited about soccer (don\u2019t call it football) and have ended up preferring to watch paint dry. \u201cI don\u2019t know, Jules,\u201d I said to my wife the other day. \u201cI just can\u2019t get interested in it no matter how hard I try.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe,\u201d she said slyly, \u201cthis is God\u2019s way of telling you you watch too much sports.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ha! Score one for Julee.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve tried to like it. I\u2019ve pretended to like it. I\u2019ve watched \u201cfootball,\u201d i.e. soccer, in a London pub full of howling, pint-swilling die-hard fans. I\u2019ve seen big, live national matches in packed stadiums in Ecuador and Colombia, where the most compelling element was the ever-present threat of violence and mayhem in the stands, fans […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":26673,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[138],"tags":[55],"ppma_author":[481],"class_list":["post-15957","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-angels-and-miracles","tag-inspiration"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n