{"id":17795,"date":"2026-03-10T15:03:50","date_gmt":"2026-03-10T15:03:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/7-easy-ways-to-deal-with-difficult-people\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:04:27","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:04:27","slug":"7-easy-ways-to-deal-with-difficult-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/7-easy-ways-to-deal-with-difficult-people\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Easy Ways to Deal with Difficult People"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thanksgiving<\/a> was still a week away, but Susan was already nervous. Her thoughts turned to the previous year\u2019s family gathering, when her aunt had pointed out that Susan was still single\u2014loudly.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018Do you think you\u2019ll ever <\/em>meet a nice guy? Or any <\/em>guy?\u2019 she shouted across the table,\u201d recalls Susan, a 41-year-old magazine editor. \u201cThen she started ticking off the accomplishments of her own three children. As I tried to tell everyone about my new job, my aunt interrupted, saying, \u2018You should focus on getting a man.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Difficult people<\/a>. We encounter them in every area of life: family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, bosses. These are the folks who have nothing nice to say, the bullies and gossips who thrive on drama. The holidays can be particularly fraught<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re told that this is the best time of the year,\u201d says marriage and family therapist Linda Mintle, Ph.D., a nationally recognized expert on relationships. \u201cBut long-simmering tensions often come to a head.\u201d At any time of year, an interaction with a difficult person can be confusing, anxiety-inducing and exhausting.<\/p>\n

\u201cDifficult people have trouble regulating their emotions,\u201d Dr. Mintle says. \u201cThey view any conflict as a personal attack.\u201d Other experts agree: You are unlikely to change someone\u2019s bad behavior. The good news is you can make a plan, control your reaction\u2014and stay sane\u2014while interacting with a difficult person.<\/p>\n

Try a little understanding. <\/strong>Start by asking yourself how this person became so difficult, Dr. Mintle suggests. \u201cThis is very important, particularly from a Christian point of view,\u201d she says. \u201cPeople don\u2019t wake up one day and say, \u2018Hey, I want to be a difficult person.\u2019 Did they have a troubled childhood? Have they been hurt in some way? Is there a family issue? Are they under tremendous stress? If you know their background, you can bring kindness, empathy<\/a> and understanding to the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Often their faultfinding says more about them than about you. In Susan\u2019s case, her aunt comes from a generation in which a woman\u2019s identity centered on being a wife and mother. Perhaps her aunt can\u2019t fathom that marriage might be other than a woman\u2019s top priority. Or maybe her aunt once wanted a career and, unable to pursue it, resents Susan\u2019s success.<\/p>\n

Stay calm. <\/strong>\u201cIf someone is blaming or criticizing you, don\u2019t match their intensity,\u201d Dr. Mintle says. \u201cTry not to react.\u201d Take a timeout if necessary. Sometimes \u201cthe feeling part of your brain gets triggered, and the thinking part goes offline. Then you need to distract your brain.\u201d She advises counting to 10, deep breathing\u2014and praying for self-control<\/a>. A fan of the Serenity Prayer, she frequently says the following: \u201cGod, help me to not react and to see them as a person made in your image.\u201d<\/p>\n

That can mean looking for what\u2019s likeable, even admirable, about them. Dr. Mintle had an uncle who constantly created tension. He goaded her into arguing about politics and criticized everyone in the room. \u201cI tried to find one positive thing about my uncle to focus on,\u201d she says. \u201cI reminded myself that he took care of many people. Then I turned the conversation to sports. We were both huge college football fans, so if we could talk about the big game, we could laugh and defuse the conflict.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking a step back to calm down<\/a> and reassess is particularly helpful in a tense work situation. Organizational psychologist Amy Cooper Hakim, Ph.D., coauthor of Working With Difficult People, <\/em>says, \u201cTake a moment before responding. Ask yourself, \u2018Is this something I should sit on until I\u2019m more levelheaded or I\u2019ve had better rest or I\u2019m less stressed about other things?\u2019 Let the phone call go to voicemail if you\u2019re not ready to talk. That\u2019s the beauty of caller ID.\u201d<\/p>\n

Know your triggers. <\/strong>One way to stop conflict from escalating is to become familiar with your own triggers\u2014those behaviors in others that push your buttons. \u201cMaybe you work with someone who makes you feel crazy,\u201d Dr. Mintle says. \u201cFigure out why. Maybe it\u2019s because he always cuts you off mid-sentence\u2014the exact same way your father did.\u201d Setting aside your own baggage lets you assess the situation more clearly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt can help you avoid automatically reacting in a non-productive manner,\u201d Dr. Mintle says.<\/p>\n

Go in soft. <\/strong>When it\u2019s time to have a conversation with a difficult person, Dr. Mintle recommends starting softly. \u201cSay, \u2018I really value our relationship. There\u2019s something I need to talk to you about.\u2019 Choose your words carefully; make sure you use I <\/em>and we<\/em>\u2014not you. <\/em>Try: \u2018I think we both feel upset about the situation. Tell me what you need from me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Hakim likes the Platinum Rule, which takes the Golden Rule<\/a> further: \u201cDo unto others as they would have you do unto them. Basically, this reminds us that we all come from different places. What we think is best may not be what is best for the other person. That recognition could change everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Never tell a person that they\u2019re difficult. \u201cIt almost always backfires,\u201d Dr. Mintle says. \u201cThey don\u2019t see it that way, and it will only exacerbate their anger.\u201d She believes many high-conflict people have personality disorders that leave them with poor impulse control<\/a> and a need to win at any cost. \u201cYou are not going to get anywhere by fighting back. Instead, listen to them and show as much empathy and respect as you can.\u201d<\/p>\n

Focus on the facts. <\/strong>Make sure your discussion is about the facts\u2014not the person\u2019s character. \u201cCalmly tell the neighbor that you are upset they built a fence that cuts onto your property,\u201d says Dr. Mintle. \u201cYou don\u2019t need to say their house is ugly and all the neighbors hate them. And stick to one issue at a time. Don\u2019t bring up something that happened years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking emotion out of the situation is \u201cthe key to managing negative, caustic, difficult workplace relationships effectively,\u201d Dr. Hakim says. \u201cIt\u2019s almost as if you were to share the situation with someone who has no stake in it. If you can get your mindset that way, then you\u2019ll be able to be more pragmatic in your approach and recognize when speaking up really matters.\u201d<\/p>\n

Set boundaries. <\/strong>Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the conflict will escalate. Name-calling, violence and other forms of abuse are never acceptable. \u201cThat\u2019s when you need to set boundaries and say, \u2018This is not okay.\u2019 Difficult people will test those boundaries and keep pushing you. Stand your ground,\u201d Dr. Mintle says. \u201cYou can\u2019t make someone change, but you can respond in a way that is respectful and kind yet doesn\u2019t let them walk all over you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Hakim adds, \u201cIn our head, we should be asking, \u2018Is this worth it? Is this something I can accept?\u2019 Asserting yourself<\/a> is important. Sometimes we\u2019re afraid to speak up for fear of being disliked or being labeled in a particular way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Forgive. <\/strong>When all else fails, you may need to cut ties. Even then, Dr. Mintle says, having a forgiving attitude is critical. \u201cI think about Jesus and the Sermon on the Mount. He talked about how you have to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you<\/a>. It\u2019s really hard but really worthwhile.\u201d<\/p>\n

She asks God to help the person get the help they need and let her not be part of the problem. \u201cWhen you hold on to resentment, it impacts your health and well-being. Ultimately, forgiveness<\/a> is a gift you give yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanksgiving was still a week away, but Susan was already nervous. Her thoughts turned to the previous year\u2019s family gathering, when her aunt had pointed out that Susan was still single\u2014loudly. \u201c\u2018Do you think you\u2019ll ever meet a nice guy? Or any guy?\u2019 she shouted across the table,\u201d recalls Susan, a 41-year-old magazine editor. \u201cThen […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":27582,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[281,136],"tags":[50,215,58,55,197],"ppma_author":[2475],"class_list":["post-17795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-better-living","category-positive-living","tag-compassion","tag-forgiveness","tag-guideposts","tag-inspiration","tag-motivational-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n7 Easy Ways to Deal with Difficult People - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"7 Easy Ways to Deal with Difficult People\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Thanksgiving was still a week away, but Susan was already nervous. 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