{"id":18344,"date":"2026-03-11T05:57:37","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T05:57:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/emily-proctor-on-the-friendship-that-changed-her-life\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:05:38","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:05:38","slug":"emily-proctor-on-the-friendship-that-changed-her-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/entertainment\/movies-and-tv\/emily-proctor-on-the-friendship-that-changed-her-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Emily Proctor on the Friendship That Changed Her Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve lived in Los Angeles for many years, and for the past eight, I\u2019ve been blessed with what actresses dream of\u2013a starring role on a hit television show, playing Detective Calleigh Duquesne on CSI: Miami.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m comfortable here now, content with being my down-to-earth southern self in a tough and glitzy business. But I wasn\u2019t always.<\/p>\n

There was a time when I was starting out that I was really struggling. Not so much with acting\u2013I was getting enough work doing guest roles and TV pilots to pay the rent\u2013but with how unmoored I felt.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d moved to L.A. after college and I knew there\u2019d be an adjustment. I just hadn\u2019t counted on how hard it would be.<\/p>\n

Life out here was nothing like back home in North Carolina, where all of my family was, where I\u2019d had the same friends since kindergarten, people I could count on.<\/p>\n

Even after four years in L.A., I still didn\u2019t know who I could trust. I felt lonely. And a little lost, as if something was missing from my life.<\/p>\n

So far my closest relationship was with my cat, Kevin. He was rescued as a newborn from a hole in the wall\u2013literally\u2013of a friend\u2019s old beach shack. From the get-go, he was gentle and sweet and had this calm about him that I only wished I could find.<\/p>\n

It was like his rough introduction to the world hadn\u2019t closed him off but rather opened him up. He\u2019d come when I called and flop onto his back so I could rub his belly. He\u2019d even jump into the bathtub with me. Kevin was the picture of contentment. How could I help but fall in love?<\/p>\n

Still, in the fall of 1996 it hit me that except for taking care of Kevin, my days were all about me. Was I thin enough? Did my hair look right? Did I prepare enough for my next audition? Where was my career going?<\/p>\n

I really need to take the focus off myself and do something for someone else<\/em>, I thought.<\/p>\n

I could almost hear my mom saying, \u201cGo for it!\u201d My parents were big on helping others\u2013my dad was a doctor, my mom volunteered at a home for people with AIDS, and we were always signing up for service projects at church.<\/p>\n

When I heard about the soup kitchen at All Saints Episcopal a few blocks from my apartment, I decided to volunteer.<\/p>\n

Monday lunch was my shift. Every Monday I\u2019d put on my green corduroy overalls\u2013for some reason, that became my serving-line outfit\u2013and walk up Bedford Drive, cross Wilshire Boulevard, then turn right onto Santa Monica Boulevard to get to the soup kitchen.<\/p>\n

I kept noticing the same guy at the corner on Wilshire. A homeless man in a wheelchair. He was in his fifties and sat quietly in his shorts and red windbreaker, reading. He didn\u2019t hassle people, just said thanks when someone dropped money into his cup.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d say hello, but that was it. He seemed reserved, and I wanted to respect his privacy.<\/p>\n

But one Monday in December something made me stop and say, \u201cI work at All Saints soup kitchen. Want to go with me and get lunch?\u201d He looked up at me with these bright blue eyes and said, \u201cYeah!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJim.\u201d<\/p>\n

I grabbed his wheelchair and started pushing, but I couldn\u2019t maneuver it in my clunky clogs. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Jim. I\u2019m not going to be able to get you there today…not in these shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going home for Christmas, but I\u2019ll be back. We\u2019ll go the first Monday after New Year\u2019s,\u201d I promised.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d he said, but it seemed like he didn\u2019t believe me.<\/p>\n

That Monday after New Year\u2019s I put on tennis shoes and ran to Jim\u2019s corner. There he was in his red windbreaker and wheelchair. His eyes got really twinkly when he saw me. \u201cAll right!\u201d he exclaimed. \u201cLet\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wheeled him to the soup kitchen, got him settled with some food, then took my place in the serving line. After lunch we went back to his corner. \u201cI\u2019ll meet you here next week,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

That became our little ritual every Monday. I\u2019d pick him up at the corner and we\u2019d head to the soup kitchen. We talked a bit, but mostly we just enjoyed each other\u2019s company.<\/p>\n

It was a relief not to get into the typical Hollywood conversations\u2013What do you do? Who\u2019s your agent? What roles are you up for?<\/p>\n

One day about three months after we met, Jim seemed more serious than usual. He took my hand and pressed some money into it. Forty dollars. What\u2019s this for?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI want to tell you something,\u201d he said. \u201cI think you\u2019re very pretty, but you need to buy a new outfit. I saved up this money.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"I realized every time he saw me I was wearing my green overalls! \u201cJim, I didn\u2019t get around to telling you, but I\u2019m an actress. I have other clothes.\u201d We had a good laugh.<\/p>\n

Our friendship grew from there. When I didn\u2019t have an acting job or auditions, we\u2019d have breakfast at a place across the street from his corner. We\u2019d sit and talk about our childhoods, our families, our experiences. Well, Jim shared his life wisdom with me because it wasn\u2019t like I\u2019d acquired much yet.<\/p>\n

Once I asked Jim, \u201cWere you in Vietnam?\u201d I\u2019d assumed he was a veteran, so I was surprised when he said no. \u201cThen how did you end up in the wheelchair?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEmily, ending up in this chair saved my life. So I don\u2019t want you to feel bad about what I\u2019m going to tell you.\u201d He went on. \u201cI was a terrible alcoholic.\u201d During a binge, he got into a fight and was beaten into a coma. When he came to, he realized, \u201cGod stood by me even when I wasn\u2019t standing by me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He wanted to make the most of the second chance he\u2019d been given. He quit drinking. He read every book he could get his hands on.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t afford regular therapy appointments, but there was a nighttime radio show where the host was a therapist. Jim called in every night for two years and worked through his issues.<\/p>\n

The closer we\u2019ve gotten\u2013and we\u2019ve been good friends for almost 15 years now\u2013the more I see that Jim really lives by the advice he once gave me: \u201cIf you don\u2019t like the way your life looks, change the way you look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019s more content and at peace with himself and with the world than anyone I know\u2013well, except maybe my cat.<\/p>\n

Jim listens without judging and tells you not what you want to hear but what you need to hear. He savors every moment, even the struggles, because they often turn out to be blessings.<\/p>\n

Like the time I felt lost and lonely and set out to do something for someone else. And look what I ended up finding\u2013the contentment that had been missing from my life…and the inspiration for how to live it.<\/p>\n

Did you enjoy this story? Subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve lived in Los Angeles for many years, and for the past eight, I\u2019ve been blessed with what actresses dream of\u2013a starring role on a hit television show, playing Detective Calleigh Duquesne on CSI: Miami. I\u2019m comfortable here now, content with being my down-to-earth southern self in a tough and glitzy business. 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