{"id":19307,"date":"2026-03-11T07:27:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T07:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/6-helpful-tips-for-common-problems-in-blended-families\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:07:37","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:07:37","slug":"6-helpful-tips-for-common-problems-in-blended-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/6-helpful-tips-for-common-problems-in-blended-families\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Helpful Tips for Common Problems in Blended Families"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When Scott and Vanessa Martindale from Colleyville, Texas, faced <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/advice-for-caregivers\/tips-for-successful-family-meetings\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">problems as a family<\/a>, they weren&#8217;t sure where to go for advice or tips for blended families.<\/p>\n<p>According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a blended family, or stepfamily, is \u201ca family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both.\u201d A blended family can include <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/angels-and-miracles\/a-fathers-loving-comfort-from-beyond-eased-his-worries\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">stepparents<\/a>, stepchildren, step-grandparents, and ex-spouses who still co-parent together.<\/p>\n<p>Both Scott and Vanessa were familiar with the concept. They grew up in blended families; but now they were dealing with <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/marriage\/5-prayers-to-improve-your-marriage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">challenges as a married couple<\/a> with a blended family of their own. Vanessa was going through a heated litigation with her ex-husband. Meanwhile, Scott was struggling as a new stepparent to Vanessa\u2019s young son, Michael.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe have strong faith, so we&#8217;d reached out to our church looking for resources for stepfamilies,\u201d Vanessa told Guideposts.org. \u201cHowever, we couldn\u2019t find anything. Unfortunately, at the time, there were not a lot of resources for blended families.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As Scott and Vanessa worked through their issues\u2014 and <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/marriage\/a-lesson-learned-during-a-family-trip-to-a-hobbit-house\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">learned valuable lessons<\/a> along the way\u2014 they decided to use their experience to make things easier for others. \u201cWe felt like the Lord put [it] on our heart,\u201d Vanessa said. \u201cWhat we went through is something that He could use to help other families like ours.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The Martindales created Blended Kingdom Families, a ministry that offers resources and community for those in blended families. \u201cOur ministry and story encourage other families to look at their blended family through a Biblical lens,\u201d Scott said. \u201cWe give them practical solutions for how to <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/how-to-pray\/10-bible-verses-to-help-you-pray-through-work-stress\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">deal with stress<\/a> and uncertainty.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here are Scott and Vanessa\u2019s top tips for blended families:<\/p>\n<h3>1. Find the Communication that Works Best<\/h3>\n<p>Every family is different. Sometimes people get along well, sometimes they can\u2019t stand to be in the same room together. When it comes to blended families, particularly ex-spouses who share custody of a child, there can be a lot of high emotions and miscommunication. Therefore, the Martindales recommend finding the form of communication that works best for your situation.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJust go inch by inch,\u201d Scott said. \u201cDo one thing at a time that exemplifies good communication.\u201d This can be anything from <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/living-longer-living-better\/5-ways-to-be-a-better-listener\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">active listening<\/a> to working together to find a compromise. Scott says parents can unfortunately fall into the habit of talking to each other through their children. \u201cKeep the communication between you and the other parent. Don&#8217;t try to use your child as the messenger.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>However, if you are not at the point where you can talk with your child\u2019s other parent on the phone or see them in person, there are resources to help you work through that. \u201cThere are different apps where you can upload your child&#8217;s schedule, send medical bills, and communicate via text,\u201d Vanessa said. She recommends My Family Wizard or The Family Core. You can also utilize a family facilitator, who is trained to help blended families through the ups and downs of custody issues.<\/p>\n<h3>2. Prioritize Your Marriage<\/h3>\n<p>Another common issue that couples with children from past marriages can face is not giving their current marriage the attention it needs. Vanessa says this can often manifest out of a parent wanting to focus on their children after the trauma of a divorce. \u201cOftentimes you&#8217;ll see someone put their children&#8217;s needs before their spouse&#8217;s needs and it causes a lot of disunity in the marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There is always room for balance and quality time can be a good way to find that balance. Vanessa recommends spending time alone with your spouse every week, even for just an hour. \u201cMaybe in the evening after the kids go to bed,\u201d she said. &#8220;[Have] face to face, intentional time, all distractions set aside. No phones or laptops.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Committing time and energy to your marriage can even help your children move past the discomfort and sadness they felt around the divorce. \u201cIf a divorce hurt your children,\u201d Scott said, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/marriage\/5-steps-to-a-healthy-marriage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">a healthy marriage<\/a> can be what will help heal them.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>3. Parent Together<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/angels-and-miracles\/angels\/gods-grace-helped-her-meet-the-challenges-of-special-needs-parenting\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting can be a challenge for anyone<\/a>, let alone a new stepparent who is entering the role with little experience. This was the case for Scott, who had never been a parent before becoming a stepdad to Vanessa\u2019s son. For the Martindales, step-parenting was made so much easier when both Vanessa and Scott had a say in their son\u2019s life, whether it was about schedules or discipline.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_95274\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-95274\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-95274\" src=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Scott-and-Vanessa-Martindale-give-tips-for-blended-families-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"Scott and Vanessa Martindale give tips for blended families\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Scott-and-Vanessa-Martindale-give-tips-for-blended-families-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Scott-and-Vanessa-Martindale-give-tips-for-blended-families-340x340.jpg 340w, https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Scott-and-Vanessa-Martindale-give-tips-for-blended-families-100x100.jpg 100w, https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Scott-and-Vanessa-Martindale-give-tips-for-blended-families.jpg 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-95274\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Scott and Vanessa Martindale<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>\u201cDecisions should not be made in a vacuum of one parent,\u201d Scott said. \u201cThere needs to be unity in those decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In terms of the stepparent and stepchild\u2019s relationship, quality time together can be a great way to build a strong relationship. Scott makes sure to spend an equal amount of time with his stepson as he does with his biological sons. Vanessa says this made all the difference and even became a huge blessing in their home.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOftentimes stepparents get this bad rap, like they&#8217;re the evil stepmom or stepdad,\u201d she said. \u201cBut they&#8217;re really this person that is stepping in and committing to not only loving their new spouse, but also to help raise these children in a way that is honoring and loving.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>4. Plan for Holidays<\/h3>\n<p>Holidays can be a difficult time for many blended families. Whether they are trying to <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/trisha-yearwood-christmas-in-the-kitchen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">sit down to Christmas dinner<\/a> or organize a family cookout on the 4th of July, families will need to make tough decisions. The Martindales advise how much planning ahead can make these decisions easier and more civil. Sit down at the beginning of the year and plan out how you will spend each holiday and where. This will also help to make the holiday more enjoyable for your children.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cChildren thrive in environments of structure and routine,\u201d Vanessa said. \u201cHaving a plan will help <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/better-living\/emotional-and-mental-health\/bubba-watson-how-faith-helped-him-conquer-his-anxiety\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">prevent a lot of anxiety<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s also important to remember that you might not have the ideal holiday plan you were hoping for. Compromises are an inevitable part of planning. Focusing on the time you do have together will help you forget the back and forth and create some wonderful memories.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe most anxiety in blended families, as it relates to the holidays, is when someone is not available,\u201d said Scott. \u201cThe more grace that you could show during that holiday season, the better the year will be moving forward.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>5. Be Understanding with Each Other<\/h3>\n<p>Inflexibility is another common obstacle that blended families can face. If difficult decisions need to be made, they aren\u2019t made any easier by people who are unwilling to work together. Furthermore, as blended families evolve, family members need to be prepared to adjust their lives.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe uniqueness of blended families is that they change over time,\u201d said Scott. \u201cThe way your blended family reacts when you have a five-year-old or a 10-year-old or a 16-year-old&#8230; The opportunity to be flexible is going to be a huge relief.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Finding patience with her ex-husband was a huge step for Vanessa. For her, prayer was a vital part of listening to what God wanted for her and her blended family. &#8220;I asked God what He wanted me to do,\u201d she said. &#8220;He said \u2018I want you to love him the way that I see and love him.\u2019 That was hard. I had to <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/daily_devotional\/surrender-your-stress-0\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">surrender all my anger and resentment<\/a>. Instead of blaming everything on my ex-husband, I had to look at myself and the things I had done.\u201d This brought her to a place of better understanding with her ex-husband. They now peacefully co-parent their son together.<\/p>\n<h3>6. Look Through the Biblical Lens<\/h3>\n<p>An important aspect of the Martindale\u2019s ministry is looking at what the Bible says about blended families. Vanessa says the most logical place to look first is Jesus\u2019 family.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJesus came from a blended family,\u201d she said. \u201cJoseph in the Bible was not his biological father. I think it&#8217;s a beautiful representation of how Joseph loved Mary and loved Jesus as his very own son.\u201d Vanessa also compares how Jesus&#8217; seeks us out to how stepparents seek out their stepchildren. Even in the face of any resentment a stepchild may feel, a stepparent can love them through it.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDespite the anger they may get from their stepchild,\u201d she said, \u201cthey should be steadfast in the pursuit of that love. The Bible talks about that a lot. How <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/daily-devotions\/devotions-for-women\/you-can-count-on-jesus-love\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Jesus is steadfast<\/a> and pursues us as his children.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Scott learned to rely on God during their most difficult times, either through prayer, counseling, or simply letting go. \u201cI now understand that surrendering to God was an answer,&#8221; he said, \u201cI began letting Him work out a solution.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>Scott Martindale is a licensed professional therapist with a bachelor&#8217;s degree in Psychology and a master\u2019s degree in Counseling and Human Development. Vanessa Martindale is a registered nurse and currently pursuing a master\u2019s degree as a Marriage and Family therapist. They are founders of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blendedkingdomfamilies.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Blended Kingdom Families<\/a> and the authors of <\/em>Blended and Redeemed: The Go-To Field Guide for the Modern Family<em>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When Scott and Vanessa Martindale from Colleyville, Texas, faced problems as a family, they weren&#8217;t sure where to go for advice or tips for blended families. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a blended family, or stepfamily, is \u201ca family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both.\u201d A blended family can [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":28326,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[172,136],"tags":[15,25,16,11,55,72],"ppma_author":[462],"class_list":["post-19307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friends-and-family","category-positive-living","tag-faith","tag-family","tag-god","tag-helping-others","tag-inspiration","tag-stories-of-faith"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.6 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>6 Helpful Tips for Common Problems in Blended Families - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Helpful Tips for Common Problems in Blended Families\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When Scott and Vanessa Martindale from Colleyville, Texas, faced problems as a family, they weren&#8217;t sure where to go for advice or tips for blended families. 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