{"id":19362,"date":"2026-03-11T07:32:47","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T07:32:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:07:45","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:07:45","slug":"a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\/","title":{"rendered":"A Divorced Mom Overcame Her Fear of Being Judged"},"content":{"rendered":"

I set my paper plate of tacos on the folding table in our church fellowship hall and smiled at the woman who\u2019d made them for the six families in our life group that Tuesday. \u201cThanks for cooking dinner tonight,\u201d I said, hoping my words didn\u2019t sound forced. \u201cFall is such a busy time.\u201d My husband Eric and I had gone to this church for eight years now. We felt comfortable here. Yet we\u2019d never joined any group, Bible study, nothing. We\u2019d kept our distance in that respect. Or at least I had.<\/p>\n

My 15-year-old son, Nathan, sat at a table with the other teens in the group. I overheard one of them say, \u201cYou have brothers and sisters?\u201d<\/p>\n

I held my breath, wondering how Nathan would respond. But he simply said, \u201cI have two brothers and two sisters, but they\u2019re older than I am. I\u2019m the only one who still lives at home.\u201d<\/p>\n

I exhaled with relief. And yet that voice I could never completely silence persisted in whispering, What will people think if they knew? What will they say?<\/i><\/p>\n

Eric and I had been happily married for 17 years after difficult first marriages. We\u2019d each brought two kids to our marriage, then had Nathan together. Being divorced wasn\u2019t some big scandal.<\/a> I knew that. Unfortunately, it was all too common. And yet I lived in fear that if the people at church knew, they\u2019d treat me differently. That I\u2019d be judged. Found wanting. I wanted so badly to feel truly part of a church family, to feel as if I belonged. But there was part of me that just couldn\u2019t risk opening up. And that was the whole point of a life group, wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d grown up in a church feeling accepted. Every week, we were one of the last families to leave after Sunday service. My father was a deacon. My parents\u2019 closest friends were church friends. They were there for all of the big events in my life. All that changed after my parents\u2019 divorce. I was then in my early twenties and living a few hours away, but I saw how people treated my mom. Our family used to be part of the \u201cin crowd\u201d\u2014the ones who were always counted on to help with potluck dinners and Vacation Bible School. But no one called Mom after that. She was shunned. Judged.<\/i> Mom drifted away from church and eventually stopped going altogether. I couldn\u2019t blame her.<\/p>\n

Then came my own divorce. I wasn\u2019t about to let the same thing happen to me. I learned my lesson after I told a woman at a church I was attending how my marriage fell apart. She practically turned her back on me, at least figuratively. Judge not lest ye be judged.<\/i> Right. If I really wanted that closeness I had known with my church family growing up, I would have to be vigilant about what I shared and not give people a reason to judge or reject me. Now I was asking myself what on earth had prompted me to join this life group.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s about deepening our connections,\u201d said the woman who\u2019d reached out to invite Eric and me to the group. \u201cIt\u2019s about growing closer to Christ and supporting each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what I had been wanting for years, to feel that connection. That closeness. I can share<\/i>, I thought. It\u2019s not as if I have to tell them everything.<\/i> It was too late to back out. And besides, what would people say? I\u2019d be judged for that too.<\/p>\n

After that first Tuesday night, the life group met every week. We took turns bringing dinner for the group; after eating, the adults did a faith-based study\u2014usually about parenting<\/a> or marriage\u2014while the teens hung out. Nathan loved it. It gave him a night with his closest friends. Eric and I enjoyed getting to know everyone, but we didn\u2019t share anything about our past marriages. I never lied. The subject never came up directly, and I never volunteered more than necessary. That didn\u2019t prevent me from feeling as if I were walking a high wire. Still, as the weeks went on, I felt myself growing closer to the other couples in the group.<\/p>\n

That March, another couple, Brandon and Katie, invited us to go out to the Olive Garden for dinner. I was twirling spaghetti onto my fork when Katie said they\u2019d be celebrating 17 years of marriage in June.<\/p>\n

\u201cReally? What day?\u201d I asked. \u201cOur anniversary is June 30.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re June 16th, but you and Eric have been married longer than 17 years.\u201d<\/p>\n

I shook my head, and Katie immediately apologized. \u201cI just assumed because you guys are older than we are\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eric jumped in. \u201cThis is a second marriage for both of us. Our first marriages ended very painfully, but they taught us some important lessons. God helped us see these lessons. Diane and I appreciate each other so much more, and we work hard to keep our relationship healthy. Honestly, I think we have a better marriage now than we would have if we\u2019d married each other fresh out of college.\u201d<\/p>\n

In all our years of marriage, I\u2019d never heard Eric say these words, not quite like this. And while he was talking to Brandon and Katie, there was part of me that knew the words were meant for me too, maybe especially for me.<\/a><\/p>\n

Brandon nodded thoughtfully. \u201cThat makes sense,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd it\u2019s obvious that you guys are really happy together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the important part,\u201d Katie added.<\/p>\n

Eric squeezed my hand under the table, and the conversation moved on to a discussion about our kids, without a single awkward moment. We were just two couples sharing honestly with each other.<\/p>\n

Afterward, when Eric and I got in the car, I said, \u201cThank you for saying what you did and how you said it. I didn\u2019t feel judged at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eric glanced at me and smiled. \u201cDid you really think you would be?\u201d<\/p>\n

His question stayed with me after we got home. Why did I care so much what people thought of me? Why did<\/i> I always think I was being judged? My divorce was a major trigger, understandably, but it went deeper than just a failed marriage. Sometimes I feared being a failed person.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t get the most positive reinforcement as a kid, especially from my dad. I always felt that he found me wanting, not serious, that I just didn\u2019t live up to the expectations he never actually articulated. I grew up in the shadow of his disappointment in me and feeling I was being judged and found inadequate without ever understanding why. After he left my mom, he made little effort to maintain a relationship with me.<\/p>\n

Eric did not share my fear of being judged. I realized he knew that the only judgment that mattered was God\u2019s\u2014and God judged with love.<\/p>\n

Now I wondered if, deep down, I feared I was a disappointment to God. As if when my first marriage failed, I had failed him.<\/p>\n

And yet what Eric had said, that God had brought us together to heal us from our past was so true, I felt as if I were understanding it for the first time. How could I fear judgment when God loved me that much? I had to trust that love and be honest about myself and stop hiding. I could start with our life group.<\/p>\n

At our next life group meeting, we watched a video on how to handle finances as a couple. During the discussion time, I asked a question I hoped would give me the opening I wanted. \u201cDo you keep your money separate or together?\u201d<\/p>\n

Most of the couples said they combined their finances. Then it was my turn. I took a deep breath and said, \u201cKeeping our money in one account was really hard for me, because this is my second marriage. It was hard to combine everything right away because I\u2019d experienced so much loss. I really struggled financially when I was a single mom, and I was afraid of being in that situation again. I had to ask God to help me trust Eric and not hold my past hurts against him.\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked around the table and made eye contact with one of the men in the group. He had the kindest expression on his face. \u201cI never knew you guys went through that,\u201d he told us. \u201cI bet that was really hard, and I\u2019m so impressed you found the strength to trust each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Everyone else was nodding in agreement. There was no judgment in anyone\u2019s eyes. Just understanding and acceptance. It had taken me eight months of weekly meetings to trust that these people were the church family God had led me to and that I could trust them to love me, despite my very imperfect past and my very imperfect self. God didn\u2019t want me to be perfect. He just wanted me to be who he made me to be.<\/p>\n

In May 2024, our life group had to decide whether to continue our weekly meetings for another year or separate and join different groups at church. I prayed that everyone else would feel the way I did. We voted unanimously to keep our group together. The other couples asked Eric and me to lead the group. Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week.<\/p>\n

Sundays are pretty great too. Our car is one of the last to leave the parking lot after services. There was an advertising campaign a few years ago for a national fitness chain that proclaimed its gyms were a judgment-free zone\u2014so people wouldn\u2019t feel self-conscious, I guess. That\u2019s what I want church to be like and my life to be like too.<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts <\/strong><\/a>magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I set my paper plate of tacos on the folding table in our church fellowship hall and smiled at the woman who\u2019d made them for the six families in our life group that Tuesday. \u201cThanks for cooking dinner tonight,\u201d I said, hoping my words didn\u2019t sound forced. \u201cFall is such a busy time.\u201d My husband […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":28354,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[173,136],"tags":[231,15,25,168,58,67,72],"ppma_author":[742],"class_list":["post-19362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage","category-positive-living","tag-divorce","tag-faith","tag-family","tag-family-stories","tag-guideposts","tag-marriage","tag-stories-of-faith"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nA Divorced Mom Overcame Her Fear of Being Judged - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Divorced Mom Overcame Her Fear of Being Judged\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I set my paper plate of tacos on the folding table in our church fellowship hall and smiled at the woman who\u2019d made them for the six families in our life group that Tuesday. \u201cThanks for cooking dinner tonight,\u201d I said, hoping my words didn\u2019t sound forced. \u201cFall is such a busy time.\u201d My husband […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Guideposts Articles\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-03-11T07:32:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-04-10T06:07:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/articles.guideposts.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/diane-stark-1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1540\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"866\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Diane Stark\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kaylin Kaupish\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/d3621a7bce2f16fabc4433e73132fb49\"},\"headline\":\"A Divorced Mom Overcame Her Fear of Being Judged\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-03-11T07:32:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-10T06:07:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":1688,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/03\\\/diane-stark-1.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Divorce\",\"Faith\",\"Family\",\"Family Stories\",\"Guideposts\",\"Marriage\",\"Stories of Faith\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Marriage\",\"Positive Living\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/gpbookstore.org\\\/articles\\\/positive-living\\\/a-divorced-mom-overcame-her-fear-of-being-judged\\\/\",\"name\":\"A Divorced Mom Overcame Her Fear of Being Judged - 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