Exactly <\/em>what I\u2019d warned him about.<\/p>\nGlued to his hands was a video-game controller, the one he\u2019d grabbed as soon as we came home from the doctor\u2019s office yesterday. How long had he played that thing? Well, at least he\u2019d be hungry.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow\u2019s the leg feeling this morning?\u201d I asked. \u201cI brought you a protein shake for breakfast\u2014with a curly straw. Remember how you used to love those?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh-huh,\u201d my son grunted, his fingers madly directing baseball players across the TV screen. \u201cHow \u2019bout a waffle too?\u201d I said. \u201cThey have calcium in them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thomas didn\u2019t take his eyes off his TV, as if I weren\u2019t in the room. \u201cThanks, Mom, but I\u2019m not hungry. And I don\u2019t use curly straws anymore,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just thought it\u2019d cheer you up,\u201d I said. \u201cIt can\u2019t be fun having a broken leg. But you have to keep your appetite up if you want it to heal. I\u2019m your mom. That\u2019s what moms do\u2014take care of their kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thomas shook his head, still not looking at me. \u201cI\u2019m fine, Mom. Really.\u201d<\/p>\n
I walked up the stairs and looked back at Thomas. Even with a broken leg he didn\u2019t want my help. Doesn\u2019t he even want me to be his mom anymore? <\/em>I wondered. A question that increasingly tormented me.<\/p>\nOkay, so Thomas was growing up, but what had happened to my baby, the sweet boy I\u2019d prayed so hard for?<\/p>\n
I thought back to when he was little. We used to do everything together. He would hold my hand on nature walks, the paths slippery with moss. I made him shakes. I could picture him slurping one through a curly straw. Sitting at the table with his shake he shared secrets with me, like which Matchbox car was his favorite. He was crazy about his collection.<\/p>\n
It all seemed to change the day he turned 15. It was like I\u2019d contracted the plague. I was the last person he wanted to be around. He certainly stopped asking my advice. And look what happened! I\u2019d told him (and his dad, Rick) football was dangerous. How could I get him to understand he still needed me?<\/p>\n
All day he never called me for anything. When I brought him supper he mumbled, \u201cThanks,\u201d his eyes never leaving the TV. I stood waiting, thinking he might say more. But nothing came and I trudged upstairs to eat dinner with Rick. \u201cWhat is wrong with that boy?\u201d I cried.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s a teenager,\u201d Rick said. \u201cBoth of the girls went through it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s pushing me away. Why? I don\u2019t know how to be his mom anymore, but I need to be his mom. And he needs me!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGive him some space. That\u2019s what he needs now,\u201d Rick said. \u201cHe\u2019s almost a man.\u201d I frowned. Rick didn\u2019t understand. He and Thomas got along great.<\/p>\n
A couple of weeks later Thomas was back at school in a cast. It felt too soon. I talked him into letting me drive him to school, but he refused to let me carry his backpack to class.<\/p>\n
He hopped on his good leg, slung the pack over his shoulder and grabbed his crutches. \u201cI\u2019m not a baby,\u201d he said before hobbling toward the building. But I\u2019m still your mom, <\/em>I thought. Why won\u2019t you let me help you?<\/em><\/p>\nWith his friends, Thomas was different, animated, laughing easily. The most I could get out of him was a mumble, but he talked to them for hours about football and weight lifting. I noticed how the other boys respected his opinion.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe used to talk like that,\u201d I complained to Rick one February evening. \u201cNow he never listens to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have to let him make his own decisions,\u201d he said. \u201cHe\u2019s a smart kid. He\u2019ll learn from his mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n
What if I let Thomas choose\u2014and he chose to give me the cold shoulder the rest of our lives? I spent the rest of the evening depressed until, alone in the bedroom, I gave up and prayed. God, please show me how to be the mom Thomas needs. Show me what to do. I\u2019m totally lost here. I thought I knew how to be a good mom.<\/em><\/p>\nNothing changed until a few months later when we went to the doctor for a checkup. His cast removed, Thomas hurried down the hallway on his crutches. \u201cHe\u2019s doing well,\u201d the doctor said. \u201cHe can start using a cane\u2014if he feels the need.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure he\u2019s ready for that?\u201d I asked, trying not to sound like I wanted Thomas to remain an invalid. I mean, I didn\u2019t did I? Of course not! Yet it dawned on me I needed Thomas more than he needed me\u2026or needed to need me. He was my baby and I was afraid to let go.<\/p>\n
Thomas came back into the room. \u201cFeel this,\u201d the doctor said, guiding my hand over where the bones had broken. Under the skin was a hard lump. \u201cAs the tissue grows back it makes the bone thicker, even stronger. The best thing to do is let nature take its course.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was something curious about the way the doctor said: Let nature take its course<\/em>. Was he talking about Thomas\u2019s leg or something else? That night I flipped through the Bible.<\/p>\nThe doctor\u2019s words reminded me of a verse and I wasn\u2019t going to sleep till I found it. I came to Ecclesiastes 3. \u201cA right time to hold on and another to let go.\u201d All those years I\u2019d spent holding Thomas\u2019s hand. Nourishing. Teaching. Protecting. I didn\u2019t know any other way to be a mother.<\/p>\n
A few days later I went to his bedroom armed with a single index card. I\u2019d written in Magic Marker, \u201cI\u2019m so proud of you. I\u2019m praying for you. I \u2665 you. Mom.\u201d That was all. I slipped the card under his pillow.<\/p>\n
He never mentioned it. For all I knew he threw it away. It had been more for my benefit anyway, a way to tell him I loved him without getting in his way. Gradually, I started smiling more and stopped pushing so hard, stopped questioning his decisions. I bit my lip more.<\/p>\n
One morning I watched Thomas in the kitchen getting ready to go to school. \u201cI\u2019m staying after school today. Weight lifting,\u201d he said. He walked to his truck, tall and steady, without his cane. I wanted to tell him to take his cane, wanted to tell him he wasn\u2019t ready for weight lifting yet. Instead I said, \u201cThomas, I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked over his shoulder at me. \u201cLove you too, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you putting in those protein shakes?\u201d my husband said. \u201cYou two seem like you\u2019re connecting.\u201d I smiled. How could I tell him what I\u2019d learned\u2014that sometimes the best way to hold on is not to hold on at all?<\/p>\n
One Saturday morning in August, just before Thomas turned 18, I was putting away socks in his room. I came across a familiar card in the top drawer, tucked right beside his favorite childhood Matchbox car. I pulled it out.<\/p>\n
There was the note I had written him. I traced the words with my finger. I went back upstairs. I heard laughter coming from the backyard. There were Thomas and Rick throwing a football. I couldn\u2019t help but notice that Thomas was taller than his father.<\/p>\n
Rick was right. Soon we would have a new adult in our family. Yet in my heart, where all good things grow, he would always be my baby.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My son Thomas\u2019s lanky 17-year-old body filled the length of our couch, his broken left leg propped on pillows. His entire leg was wrapped in a soft cast, the bones near the ankle fractured during August football practice. Exactly what I\u2019d warned him about. Glued to his hands was a video-game controller, the one he\u2019d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":28403,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[361],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[1363],"class_list":["post-19461","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teenagers"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
A Mother Lets Go - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Mother Lets Go\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My son Thomas\u2019s lanky 17-year-old body filled the length of our couch, his broken left leg propped on pillows. His entire leg was wrapped in a soft cast, the bones near the ankle fractured during August football practice. Exactly what I\u2019d warned him about. 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