{"id":20229,"date":"2026-03-11T09:01:04","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T09:01:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/tamela-manns-5-tips-for-a-successful-marriage\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:09:34","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:09:34","slug":"tamela-manns-5-tips-for-a-successful-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/marriage\/tamela-manns-5-tips-for-a-successful-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Tamela Mann’s 5 Tips for a Successful Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

All our lives as a couple\u2014David and I have been married 30-plus years\u2014we\u2019d planned for a family. We planned to buy our first home, with room for all our kids. We planned every birthday and graduation together. But we didn\u2019t plan for the day our kids wouldn\u2019t live with us anymore. We never planned to be empty nesters.<\/p>\n

With our careers as singers and actors, we\u2019re on the road a lot (you might have seen us in a Tyler Perry<\/a> movie or two). Then one day we came home to an empty house. Peace and quiet. It was eerie. I didn\u2019t know how to live in a house without noise.<\/p>\n

Both David and I grew up in big families. From almost the moment we said \u201cI do,\u201d we had children around. There was my niece Sonya, whom we took in when her mom died, and David\u2019s daughter Porcia from a previous relationship. Next came Tiffany, the greatest surprise our family has ever received. (I\u2019ll get to that later.) Soon I had David Jr., followed by Tia. Our lives were noisy and busy. If the babies weren\u2019t crying, the television was blasting. If the phone wasn\u2019t ringing, then somebody was burning something in the kitchen. Then we looked up and our kids had grown and gone.<\/p>\n

Admittedly we had to hasten the two younger girls along. Every strong family needs to have rules, and one rule I was strict about was that the kids had to keep their rooms clean. Tiffany and Tia, well into their twenties, found that impossible. I told them once; I told them twice. Finally I laid down the law: \u201cGirls, if I walk back in this house and your rooms are a mess, you will be asked to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

They didn\u2019t believe me. The next time I saw their rooms looking like an explosion of clothes, makeup and hair products, I was done. I asked David to tape a notice to their doors: \u201cEvicted effective today. Please vacate the premises immediately.\u201d That did it. Tiffany and Tia left. Now they have their own apartments.<\/p>\n

With some marriages, couples get so caught up taking care of the kids that when they leave, the marriage leaves with them. Not David and me. Sure, when our nest first emptied, it felt strange for both of us. David asked, \u201cWho are we going to take care of now?\u201d My answer was, \u201cWe\u2019re going to take care of each other.\u201d Because our marriage has always been our priority. Before kids and after kids. Like I said, it comes down to following a few rules.<\/p>\n

Teamwork makes the dream work. <\/strong>I learned the meaning behind that motto one rainy night in Arlington, Texas, 26 years ago. We were driving back from a visit with David\u2019s mother, and it was pouring. Our windshield wipers weren\u2019t working, and we didn\u2019t have money to fix them. David was driving and couldn\u2019t see a thing. He pulled over.<\/p>\n

\u201cGrab two clothes hangers out of the trunk,\u201d I told him. He dashed out into the downpour and brought me two hangers. I untwisted the wires. I handed one to David and took one for myself. He hooked his to the wiper on the driver\u2019s side, and I hooked mine to the wiper on the passenger\u2019s side. Driving slowly, David pulled his wiper to the left while I pushed mine to the left. Then I pulled to the right, and he pushed to the right. We had to catch our breath at each traffic light, but we made it home, our arms sopping wet.<\/p>\n

These days we sometimes have to accept performing engagements apart from each other. Most times we travel together, work together, prepare together. Pray together. If we start as a team, we finish as a team.<\/p>\n

LOL together. <\/strong>One summer day early in our marriage, when I was pregnant with our son, we were driving and David stopped at a 7-Eleven to get something cold to drink. He knew I liked fruity flavors, but he didn\u2019t actually know my favorite drink. So he came out with two Big Gulps, one for each of us.<\/p>\n

I took one sip and almost spit it out. \u201cWhat is <\/em>this?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s got a little bit of everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I wanted,\u201d I said. Not very gracious, but I was hot, pregnant and thirsty. The next thing I knew, David took my drink and threw it out the window. So I took his drink and threw it out the window.<\/p>\n

The only thing was, my window was still rolled up. The cup bounced off the glass and the Big Gulp splashed all over my face, my hair, my clothes.<\/p>\n

We had two choices: Keep fighting or start laughing. We laughed till the tears rolled down our faces. And we haven\u2019t stopped laughing. Be playful in your marriage. Have fun. There\u2019s always something to laugh about<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Love keeps no record of wrongdoing. <\/strong>I can\u2019t speak for all ladies, but many of us are guilty of quietly tabulating how many times our husbands didn\u2019t keep their word. Sometimes we even fall into the trap of guilting our husbands for the things we said we\u2019d forgiven them for. But I\u2019ve learned to stop keeping score. If anything, I would rather keep score of all the good things David does instead of rehashing the bad ones. If God can forgive all the wrongs we\u2019ve done to him, surely I can do the same for my husband.<\/p>\n

One winter night when David Jr. was only a few months old, we came home and flipped on the lights. Nothing happened. David acted as if a power outage had hit the neighborhood. He couldn\u2019t admit that he hadn\u2019t paid the electric bill. I could have ranted. But I knew David was already feeling defeated. Why make matters worse? So I said, \u201cWe can go to your mom\u2019s or just go to bed. We don\u2019t need lights to have a good night\u2019s sleep.\u201d I wrapped my arms around him and said, \u201cWe\u2019ll fix it tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

When we got married, I vowed to be with David through it all, thick and thin, and support him during his low points as well as high points. He vowed to do the same for me. Thirty years later, David makes sure we have plenty of lights in the house\u2014way too many, if you ask me, but I know he wants me to feel taken care of.<\/p>\n

Trust in God and each other. <\/strong>There\u2019s a great gospel song that says, \u201cTurn your pressure into praise!\u201d That\u2019s what David and I try to do in our family\u2014let pain push us into purpose. One of the hardest moments in our marriage came when we faced some unexpected news. It turned out, he\u2019d had another daughter besides Porcia before we married, one he\u2019d known nothing about. Tiffany was five years old when we found out about her. David and I trusted that God\u2019s purpose was for us to be together and to parent the children he brought us, so we embraced Tiffany fully.<\/p>\n

We are as blended a family<\/a> as you can get. But you will never hear any of us use the word step <\/em>to describe our relationships. Right from the start, I wanted to give Tiffany all the love she deserved. She hadn\u2019t asked to be put in this position. She was innocent. Funny, talented and beautiful.<\/p>\n

Not long ago, the two of us were in an elevator and a lady said to me, \u201cYour daughter looks just like you.\u201d Tiffany and I got a chuckle out of that. We don\u2019t look anything alike, but what the woman saw was the real connection between us. The love in our eyes. The bond that couldn\u2019t be broken. I think that reflects the bond of love and trust between David and me as her parents.<\/p>\n

Learn to know your spouse, and let your spouse know you. <\/strong>Don\u2019t stop learning about each other once the kids are gone. David knows me through and through. He knows what pleases me and what gets on my nerves. He knows all my quirks and exactly what I love to eat and drink (no more Big Gulps!).<\/p>\n

Two years ago, we were at the Grammy Awards. I\u2019d been nominated for best gospel song\/performance. I was decked out in a designer dress and heels. People kept asking, \u201cWhat are you going to say if you win?\u201d I didn\u2019t know. I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d win anyway. I sat way in the back of the auditorium, wondering.<\/p>\n

At last my category came up. I heard the names of the nominees announced and closed my eyes. I was so busy thanking God for what the other nominees had brought to gospel, I almost didn\u2019t hear my name called. I had to jog all the way to the front. David was supposed to be capturing the moment with his phone, but he was crying too hard. I started my speech at the bottom of the steps to the stage, trying to hold back my own tears and not fall in my high heels. I kept saying, \u201cThank you, Lord. Hallelujah.\u201d<\/p>\n

At the end of the night, I said to David, \u201cI want to go to IHOP.\u201d That\u2019s right. International House of Pancakes. All I wanted was pancakes. And that\u2019s what David gave me, even though he would\u2019ve liked to put my name in lights.<\/p>\n

Pouring syrup on that stack of pancakes, I was happier than a kid on Christmas morning. Because of David, who knows the importance of celebrating me the way I want to be celebrated, who knows everything <\/em>about me, good and bad, faults and foibles. For the gift of my husband, I\u2019m still saying, \u201cThank you, Lord. Hallelujah.\u201d<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All our lives as a couple\u2014David and I have been married 30-plus years\u2014we\u2019d planned for a family. We planned to buy our first home, with room for all our kids. We planned every birthday and graduation together. But we didn\u2019t plan for the day our kids wouldn\u2019t live with us anymore. 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