{"id":20700,"date":"2026-03-11T09:48:45","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T09:48:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/4-tips-for-overcoming-loneliness-when-you-have-a-chronic-illness\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:10:36","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:10:36","slug":"4-tips-for-overcoming-loneliness-when-you-have-a-chronic-illness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/coping-with-illness\/4-tips-for-overcoming-loneliness-when-you-have-a-chronic-illness\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Tips for Overcoming Loneliness When You Have a Chronic Illness"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my 45 years as a registered nurse, I\u2019ve seen how chronic illness<\/a> and pain can isolate people, taking over their lives until it seems as if there\u2019s no room for friends or family, even God. I know firsthand how dealing with physical and emotional pain can be one of the loneliest experiences you can ever have. It can even have physical and mental health consequences. Loneliness can make a person more at risk for cardiovascular disease, stroke, Type 2 diabetes, depression<\/a> and a host of other ailments.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a big problem. A study from 2018 found that half of Americans say they feel lonely. But there are things you can do to help you make deeper connections and overcome loneliness. I traveled regularly from our home in West Virginia to the Cleveland Clinic, where I underwent surgery to remove the painful tumors on the inside and outside of my face. I missed a lot of school and was ostracized by the other kids when I did go.<\/p>\n

Mom had been a teacher, and she gave me what seemed like a curious assignment. In every waiting room at the clinic, I was to interview a person, then ask what their nurses did that was most helpful. Mom knew my time in hospitals had sparked an interest in one day becoming a nurse<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Over the years, I gained far more than a collection of stories. On every visit, there were patients I recognized, who made a point of talking to me. \u201cHow did your test turn out, Roberta?\u201d \u201cAre you still having that dizziness?\u201d \u201cHow are things in school?\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re going to make a great nurse.\u201d These were people who cared about me, not just as a fellow patient but as a person. It got so I looked forward to going to the Cleveland Clinic and reconnecting with them.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen how reaching out to strangers has helped others as well. A couple years ago, I noticed the most joyful man at Starbucks. He\u2019d buy his coffee, then steer his scooter over to a table near the cash register. He chatted up the other customers as they waited in line. Some people already seemed to be acquainted with him. For others, like me, it was clearly their first time. But no one was put off by the man. His greeting was genuine, and it brought a smile to everyone he met. Me included.<\/p>\n

One day, I ran into him at the information desk in my doctor\u2019s office. He volunteered there, though I\u2019d never noticed him before. When he spotted me, he said, \u201cRoberta! My friend who always reads a magazine while she sips her chai.\u201d I asked how he was doing, and we enjoyed a short chat. Because he\u2019d made a point of reaching out, we were no longer strangers<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t shut yourself off from others<\/strong>
\nChronic illness and pain can make you close yourself off. I\u2019ve seen it happen to my patients and to me. I begin feeling as if I\u2019ve been too much of a burden to my friends. That they\u2019re surely tired of hearing about my aches and pains. I pull back, telling myself they don\u2019t want to spend time with me, despite their repeated invitations to go out for lunch or antique shopping. A few years ago, I underwent my thirty-seventh surgery. My face was bandaged. I felt awful. I stopped answering my phone. Didn\u2019t return messages. You\u2019re turning your back on the very people who are trying to help you, <\/em>I scolded myself. But it did no good. The voices telling me no one could possibly want me as a friend were even stronger.<\/p>\n

Some friends stopped contacting me altogether. I understood. It became a kind of cycle of loneliness since I didn\u2019t return calls.<\/p>\n

Then, Bennetta, an old friend, left a message. She was the head nurse in the operating room at a hospital where I\u2019d worked. \u201cI\u2019m getting a group of nurses together for lunch, and we\u2019d really like you to join us,\u201d she said. \u201cIt will be so much fun.\u201d I played that message over and over. Someone wanted me!<\/p>\n

I desperately wanted to see these old friends. But I\u2019d have to do a load of laundry to have something decent to wear, and I had absolutely zero energy. Then I thought about how Bennetta had always been there for me, encouraging me. \u201cYou can do anything you set your heart to, Roberta,\u201d she told me.<\/p>\n

Doing the laundry and driving to a restaurant didn\u2019t seem like such a monumental task after all. They were eating at a place just down the road. In an hour, I was ready to go.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t believe how happy everyone was to see me. We told stories of the old days, and I laughed until I was crying. When the lunch was over, I didn\u2019t want to leave. At least temporarily, my pain was gone. I had more energy than I\u2019d had in weeks.<\/p>\n

I knew the reason why. Connecting with others<\/a> is actually healing. It releases the body\u2019s natural pain-killing endorphins as well as oxytocin, the bonding or \u201ccuddle\u201d hormone mothers produce when they give birth. That\u2019s why a hug can so often do wonders.<\/p>\n

Find a support group<\/strong>
\nWhen I was working as a nurse in the VA\u2019s gastroenterology department, I noticed that my patients with Crohn\u2019s disease<\/a> seemed particularly withdrawn. Gordon, a veteran in his thirties, reminded me a lot of myself. He wanted to meet people, but it was hard for him to take the first step. His depression and loneliness fed off each other. He was losing hope that anything would ever change.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I could get a group of Crohn\u2019s patients together, would you join us?\u201d I asked him one day. He was interested. So were the others. They were all ages, different branches of service. The first meeting was a bit awkward\u2014until they realized how much they had in common, things no one else understood. Soon they were crowded around a table, mapping out the restrooms at the mall, a guide in case of emergency.<\/p>\n

In the months that followed, I brought in doctors and dietitians to discuss symptom management, diet, stress and lifestyle issues. This new knowledge empowered the patients and gave them a sense of control, but it was much more effective in a group than if I had given them the information individually.<\/p>\n

The group forged lasting friendships and planned their own activities, fishing trips and hikes, no longer worried about being within five minutes of a restroom. And Gordon? With the self-confidence he gained, he met the love of his life. The two of them married and found a shared passion in lay ministry. \u201cThanks,\u201d he told me. \u201cThat group changed my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d only wanted to help the veterans, but their energy and camaraderie inspired me. I decided to become more active in the neurofibromatosis<\/a> community and volunteered to become a nurse-advocate for patients and their families. For the first time, I found purpose in this affliction that had brought me such misery and isolation. It was a point of connection. It gave me comfort to meet people who understood what I\u2019ve gone through and introduced me to people who give me strength even today.<\/p>\n

Get a pet<\/strong>
\nSometimes the most reliable friends are the four-legged variety. There\u2019s an elderly gentleman\u2014Jack\u2014in my neighborhood who ran his own business until illness forced him to retire. His wife died, and he grew even more isolated and lonely. I prayed for him and tried to reach out, but we never quite connected.<\/p>\n

Then one day, I looked out to see Jack coming down the sidewalk in his electric wheelchair, an adorable black dog trotting alongside him on a leash. I went outside to ask him about his new companion. \u201cI got him at a shelter,\u201d Jack told me. \u201cThis little feller doesn\u2019t leave my side. He just makes my heart feel good.\u201d<\/p>\n

I picked up a box of dog biscuits later at the grocery. The next time I saw Jack and his dog pass by, I handed Jack the treats. His face stretched into a wide grin as he tucked them into a bulging canvas bag hanging from his wheelchair. \u201cWill ya look at this?\u201d he said to his furry friend. \u201cNow we have five different kinds.\u201d Seems four other neighbors had come up with the same idea. Jack\u2019s best friend<\/a> had proved to be a people magnet too.<\/p>\n

Deepen your faith<\/strong>
\nGod never wants us to feel lonely, but there are spiritual benefits to alone time<\/a>. When things are going well, I find myself praying almost in passing, as if I\u2019m too busy enjoying life to give God my full attention. My Bible reading can get shortchanged too.<\/p>\n

Last winter, I was given a medication in error; it made me desperately sick. I could barely walk from my bed to a chair. I prayed, a litany of all of my problems and what I needed God to do for me. I rehashed all the times in my life I\u2019d felt down and lonely.<\/p>\n

I grew weaker. Too weak to even find the words to pray. And it was there in that silence, in my aloneness, that I clearly heard God\u2019s voice<\/a>. It wasn\u2019t thunderous. Or even really audible. More a soft beckoning in my spirit that filled the stillness, an absolute knowing.<\/p>\n

I will never leave you or forsake you, Roberta.<\/em><\/p>\n

I began to reflect on the faith walks of my patients. Bryan, a man dying from AIDS, who told me how God was with him every agonizing moment. So many of my hospice patients received comfort beyond measure from the source of all comfort.<\/p>\n

Beset by loneliness, I made a startling discovery: I\u2019d never felt God\u2019s presence as I did then. It was only by surrendering that I truly knew his strength. On my desk, I found a note card and wrote to a woman I hadn\u2019t talked to in months, reaching out, reminded again that no matter how isolated we might feel, none of us are ever alone.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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