{"id":20853,"date":"2026-03-11T10:04:38","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:04:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/6-tips-to-help-someone-grieving-during-the-holidays\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:10:55","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:10:55","slug":"6-tips-to-help-someone-grieving-during-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/life-advice\/6-tips-to-help-someone-grieving-during-the-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Tips to Help Someone Grieving During The Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

The holiday season can be fraught for people who are grieving<\/a>, whether it\u2019s their first Christmas without a loved one or the tenth. Any movie, song, decoration and tradition is a potential trigger. It can be a time of extreme loneliness\u2014when the comfort of a friend or family member is needed most.<\/p>\n

But what to say to someone who\u2019s grieving? How can we truly be a help? The fear of doing the wrong thing can be paralyzing. So we don\u2019t call or visit, then feel guilty. I\u2019m a chaplain and grief counselor with decades of experience, and I\u2019ve worked in both hospice and healthcare settings. I\u2019ve found there are specific, concrete ways to support someone who is grieving during this or any season.<\/p>\n

Offer a safe place<\/strong><\/p>\n

I met with Janeen in the week between Christmas and the New Year to talk about her first family Christmas without her sister and to help her work through how to tell her parents what she wanted to do on New Year\u2019s Eve. A high school senior, Janeen still wanted to go to a party that she and her friends had planned. Again and again, she talked about her appreciation for one family member who didn\u2019t judge her for taking time alone or make her feel guilty if she laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just want to be able to feel what I\u2019m feeling,\u201d Janeen told me. \u201cBeing sad, having fun, needing space, crying. All of it. I can\u2019t fit into someone else\u2019s box.<\/p>\n

\u201dPerhaps more than any other time of year, the winter holidays come with expectations. At each social outing, family meal, even church service, those grieving are met with pressure to appear a certain way\u2014to perform, in a sense. It can be draining.<\/p>\n

Everyone experiences grief differently, as Janeen showed. A person who\u2019s grieving can hold opposing emotions: joy and sadness, anger and peace, hope and despondency. Make a conscious choice to offer a safe place<\/a> for the griever to feel and experience the holiday however it presents.<\/p>\n

Say their name<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for saying his name,\u201d Justin\u2019s mom told me. \u201cOutside of our immediate family, you\u2019re one of the only people who does.\u201d It had been a few years since her son\u2019s death in a tragic accident. In her interactions with close friends and even relatives, it was as if he\u2019d been erased, as if he\u2019d never existed.<\/p>\n

It can feel uncomfortable to speak the name of someone who has died, but it sends a message to the griever that you recognize the impact the loss of their loved one\u2019s physical presence continues to have. There\u2019s a fear of not wanting to remind the person of their loss or add to their grief\u2014but your friend hasn\u2019t forgotten. Avoiding speaking of someone who\u2019s died creates a second kind of loss.<\/p>\n

Phrases such as \u201cJack would have found this hilarious\u201d or \u201cSusan would be so frustrated that this is happening\u201d reassure the griever that their loved one\u2019s life had meaning and influence that live on. Sharing your own stories or memories of the person who died gives the griever additional appreciation of their loved one. It also aids in your own grief process<\/a>. Don\u2019t forget that even though your loss may not be as direct, you are grieving too. When no other words will come, say their name. It\u2019s one of the best ways to show you care.<\/p>\n

Be specific and consistent<\/strong><\/p>\n

From the moment the woman sat down with me, frustration was etched across her face. \u201cNo one\u2019s calling any-more,\u201d she told me. \u201cThe people who used to ask if I wanted to go out with them to lunch have just gone silent. I think it\u2019s because I told them no too many times.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hear this often. People who are grieving have a limited amount of energy to give each day. There will be times when an invitation that requires social and emotional interaction is simply too much for them. But they\u2019re not saying they will never<\/em> be interested. Assure them you understand and will call again. Then make sure to do so. And keep calling whenever the griever comes to mind\u2014even if they decline a second, third or eighth time. You don\u2019t know when they might feel ready for a visit or going out. They won\u2019t think to call you. It\u2019s not a slight. The way the brain functions in grief, grievers won\u2019t remember who offered what when. Do them a favor and take off the pressure of being the one to reach out.<\/p>\n

When you do call, be specific. Whether you\u2019re offering to clean the house once a week, pick up groceries, go to a movie or on a walk, be clear about the date and duration of the activity. A vague \u201clet me know if you need anything\u201d is not helpful. It\u2019s overwhelming. Offer what is in your capacity to deliver. Just making the call reassures the griever they\u2019re not forgotten.<\/p>\n

Ask what they need today<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was dealing with the unexpected loss of a friend, and as other friends reached out, my mind began to see patterns. Some people would ask open-ended questions designed to help me process what I was feeling. They were coming from a place of love and empathy. Others would ask first what I wanted to talk about, giving me a choice. Both approaches are appreciated, yet the second was what I needed most in the depths of my grief.<\/p>\n

You will serve the grievers in your life well if you begin the conversation with something like \u201cDo you want to talk about Joe today? Or do you want a distraction\u2014or just quiet?\u201d Trust whatever response they give. If distraction is chosen, it\u2019s not a sign that you\u2019re a bad listener. You might be the only person giving them a choice or the space to pretend, if only for a couple of hours, that their life hasn\u2019t been irrevocably changed, and that choice is a gift.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not about you<\/strong><\/p>\n

Though this might seem obvious, in our eagerness to help, it\u2019s often forgotten. Do not volunteer what helped you in your grief. Do not come armed with your favorite Bible verses, the message your minister preached or a book that comforted you. The effort is well intentioned, but what the griever receives is a story about you, rather than a focus on them. Do not say you know what they are going through. You don\u2019t. If you are close to the griever, they know your experience and might eventually ask, \u201cHow did you deal with this?\u201d When that day comes, share your experiences, but until then allow the griever to lead.<\/p>\n

Even when you\u2019re asked, resist the temptation to tell them what they should do. Suggest rather than direct. Be clear that this is what worked for you and that their journey may be different. Everyone processes grief in their own time frame.<\/p>\n

Likewise, when you\u2019re helping a person who\u2019s grieving, the only spiritual beliefs that matter are theirs. It\u2019s not the time to preach about your faith. Allow the space to ask questions, to express doubts, to voice anger or apathy. Grief can lead to spiritual evolution and growth. Let God work. Your role is to be a friend.<\/p>\n

Embrace silence<\/strong><\/p>\n

Early in my career, I worked as a healthcare chaplain, which gave me the opportunity to walk daily alongside people experiencing a wide range of grief. I quickly learned there were situations that my seminary training hadn\u2019t quite prepared me for.<\/p>\n

One day, I went to the room of a woman who\u2019d just lost her newborn. After baptizing the child as she requested, I added, \u201cGod is big enough to take any and all of your emotions.\u201d I was proud of how I\u2019d summoned those words of comfort.<\/p>\n

Until the woman responded, \u201cIf God is big enough for any of my emotions, why isn\u2019t God big enough to save my child?\u201d Nearly 20 years later, I don\u2019t know how I fumbled through the rest of our conversation, but I fully remember the feeling as I left the room. My words had tainted that moment and focused her mind on more pain, rather than the comfort and hope she found in baptism.<\/p>\n

The best possible way I could have served her in that moment would have been to baptize her child and then simply hold witness. She didn\u2019t need my attempts at explanations. She didn\u2019t need a theological perspective. What she needed was for her child\u2019s life and death to be recognized, her pain to be seen and to be given space to just be in her newly broken world.<\/p>\n

Holding silence in a manner that gives witness to someone else\u2019s experience, without judgment or interruption of any kind, has a healing power all its own. When you find yourself wanting to fill the silence, ask yourself if the comment truly benefits the receiver, if the time is right and if what you want to say might cause more harm. Let those answers guide you. Sometimes simply sitting with someone in their pain brings more validation, comfort and relief than any words can.<\/p>\n

Really, everything about how best to help someone who\u2019s lost a loved one comes back to this foundation you can lean on in moments of doubt: Start with the griever, and let them lead. The rest will follow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The holiday season can be fraught for people who are grieving, whether it\u2019s their first Christmas without a loved one or the tenth. Any movie, song, decoration and tradition is a potential trigger. It can be a time of extreme loneliness\u2014when the comfort of a friend or family member is needed most. But what to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":29095,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[226,225],"tags":[24,166,40],"ppma_author":[525],"class_list":["post-20853","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coping-with-grief","category-life-advice","tag-christmas","tag-grief","tag-holidays"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n6 Tips to Help Someone Grieving During The Holidays - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Tips to Help Someone Grieving During The Holidays\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The holiday season can be fraught for people who are grieving, whether it\u2019s their first Christmas without a loved one or the tenth. 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