{"id":20931,"date":"2026-03-11T10:13:04","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:13:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/8-ways-for-caregivers-to-take-care-of-themselves\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:11:05","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:11:05","slug":"8-ways-for-caregivers-to-take-care-of-themselves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/caregiver-stress\/8-ways-for-caregivers-to-take-care-of-themselves\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Ways for Caregivers to Take Care of Themselves"},"content":{"rendered":"

My husband, Lee, and I were sitting in the doctor\u2019s office, waiting to hear the results of a stress test. The cardiologist looked grave. \u201cLee,\u201d he said, \u201cyou could drop dead at any moment. Your heart is operating at only twenty-five percent.\u201d Twenty-five percent? Lee had always been so healthy!<\/p>\n

Lee\u2019s face turned pale. He seemed a million miles away. \u201cYou\u2019ll need bypass surgery,\u201d the doctor went on. \u201cAnd after that, there\u2019ll be a lot of rehab<\/a>.\u201d It could go on for weeks, months. Lee wouldn\u2019t be able to lift anything or have energy to do much.<\/p>\n

Neither of us was young\u2014I was 75 and Lee was 81\u2014but that had never stopped us from doing the things we loved. Writing and singing folk songs, seeing our friends at the Blackbird (our favorite coffeehouse), going to church, working in the garden at our farm. I\u2019d worked for years as a child therapist, and Lee had only just retired from the public TV station in town, where he\u2019d been a top-notch fund-raiser.<\/p>\n

I tried to stay focused on the doctor, but what scared me most was becoming Lee\u2019s caregiver. How would I do it? I dreaded the loss of freedom. And I had very little patience for all the things caregivers were supposed to handle: bedpans, wheelchairs, medications, getting up in the middle of the night, all the constant reassurance and support. It made me feel small just to admit it to myself.<\/p>\n

For the next few days, we waited for the surgery to be scheduled and tried not to let our worries run wild. In preparation, we bought two deluxe recliners, comfy enough for Lee to sleep in and for me to be next to him, along with a device to help him stand. That meant I wouldn\u2019t have to lift him. We listened to music and talked. I worked on a 1,500-piece jigsaw puzzle.<\/p>\n

One day, I wandered outside to take photos of the wildflowers, the birds, the setting sun, the wild turkeys, seeking comfort in God\u2019s creation. Normally I\u2019d post my favorite images on Facebook with some sort of uplifting comment. But I wasn\u2019t feeling so upbeat right now. What could I say? I didn\u2019t want to bum people out.<\/p>\n

I announced the upcoming surgery. My fingers hovered over the keyboard. \u201cMy friends say, \u2018Live in the moment,\u2019\u201d I typed. \u201cLee and I try, but sometimes we can\u2019t find the off switch to our worries.\u201d I frowned at the words. Should I delete them? I thought of what I\u2019d learned in my years as a therapist. Honesty was everything. Even painful honesty. So I posted the comment.<\/p>\n

Later that day, I logged on and was amazed by the number of comments, more than I\u2019d ever gotten before. There were lots of prayers and some lighthearted comments (\u201cLee is in for a good chance to catch up on videos and reading\u201d), but it was especially helpful to hear people mirroring my feelings. \u201cIt\u2019s okay to feel scared,\u201d one friend said. \u201cOr even inadequate.\u201d<\/p>\n

In early October, Lee underwent double bypass surgery<\/a>. He seemed to bounce back. The doctors said his heart was strong. He was in good shape otherwise. I didn\u2019t hesitate to post pictures this time, of Lee smiling ear to ear. And pictures of his nurses and doctors. And the friends who came to visit. Each night I slept next to him at the hospital.<\/p>\n

We were back at our farm in a week. I let everyone know on Facebook. The next morning, Lee stirred early. \u201cCan you put on my compression socks?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d I said. I tugged and pulled but could barely get the socks up past his ankles. The nurse at the hospital had made it look so easy. I stood and yanked hard, worried that maybe I was hurting Lee. Finally, done.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you help me to the bathroom?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d I said. I nearly collapsed under his weight, but we made it there. And back again. Then he wanted a blanket. A glass of water. Soon it was time for his medication.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnything else?\u201d I couldn\u2019t stop myself from snapping. \u201cI can only do one thing at a time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said. That only made me feel worse. All my fears about being a lousy caregiver to the man I loved seemed fulfilled. Would every day be like this? If only I could get outside, take a picture, gaze at the wildflowers.<\/p>\n

But there seemed no end of things to do. That day or the next or the next. I loved to cook, but in all our 38 years of marriage<\/a> I\u2019d never had to do breakfast, lunch and dinner for both of us before. Day after day. One morning, I got up before dawn just to get outside. But before I could even get my shoes on, Lee was up. \u201cCan you help me with my socks?\u201d he asked. \u201cI have to get up to go to the bathroom.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"
Alice and her husband, Lee, enjoy an evening
\nwalk together.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I nearly came apart. After that, we made a deal. I needed time on my own to recharge. \u201cLee,\u201d I told him, \u201cunless it\u2019s an emergency, you\u2019re on your own until 7:30 a.m.\u201d I\u2019d set out a tray next to him with everything he\u2019d need in the morning: pills, half of a banana, some nuts, ginger ale. He understood.<\/p>\n

I was able to go outside and connect with nature before I launched into my caregiving role. One night, Lee had a panic attack. And another one. \u201cI drag myself out of bed hoping for a spectacular sunrise,\u201d I wrote on Facebook, \u201cafter a night when Lee\u2019s emotions exploded with a panic attack, our second in our up-and-down path after major surgery. All I can do is caress his head, sing soothing songs, pray to God and hope that eventually both of us can calm down and sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again the comments came: \u201cPanic attacks<\/a> are NO fun. I used to have them in the dead of night. Hoping and praying that ALL anxiety passes soon and you both can relax a little.\u201d \u201cHang in there. It will get better.\u201d \u201cI know this is scary and hard.\u201d It was<\/em> scary and hard. I didn\u2019t have time to call friends, go out for lunch, go to the Blackbird or even church. Facebook was my refuge, my support system.<\/p>\n

In mid-November, Lee had to go back to the hospital. He kept having falls, and the doctors were trying to figure out why. They put in a pacemaker and a defibrillator. I posted photos whenever anything positive happened. Pictures of Lee in physical therapy. Pictures of a high school classmate who visited us one day. \u201cHere, Alice,\u201d she said to me. \u201cI\u2019ve done a painting for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019d copied a photo I\u2019d done of our garden house, the sun shining through the windows. The painting was magnificent. \u201cYour posts have made such a difference to me,\u201d she said. \u201cEvery day they give me a lift.\u201d All this while I\u2019d been worried about sounding self-absorbed or complaining or saying too much or doing too little. But the photos and the posts communicated more than I could have ever imagined.<\/p>\n

Lee is home now. He\u2019s going to cardiac rehab, and I\u2019m not a full-time caregiver<\/a> anymore. I\u2019ve had time to do the things I love\u2014being outside, taking pictures. When we were in the hospital, a friend from church made a delicious apple pie for us, and I\u2019d been waiting to return her plate until I had something to put on it. That moment finally arrived. A big slice of the pineapple upside-down cake that had just come out of my oven. I dropped it off at her house and took a picture.<\/p>\n

You can probably guess what I posted on Facebook, the smiling face of a friend who prayed for us\u2014and baked for us\u2014and followed us as Lee and I were going through a hard time. I\u2019d written about our experiences in more detail than I ever intended. That turned out to be a good thing. The best thing, in fact.<\/p>\n

Did you enjoy this story? Subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My husband, Lee, and I were sitting in the doctor\u2019s office, waiting to hear the results of a stress test. The cardiologist looked grave. \u201cLee,\u201d he said, \u201cyou could drop dead at any moment. Your heart is operating at only twenty-five percent.\u201d Twenty-five percent? Lee had always been so healthy! Lee\u2019s face turned pale. He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":20932,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[375],"tags":[210,11,30],"ppma_author":[1233],"class_list":["post-20931","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caregiver-stress","tag-caregiving","tag-helping-others","tag-prayer"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n8 Ways for Caregivers to Take Care of Themselves - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"8 Ways for Caregivers to Take Care of Themselves\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My husband, Lee, and I were sitting in the doctor\u2019s office, waiting to hear the results of a stress test. 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