{"id":20969,"date":"2026-03-11T10:17:07","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:17:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/a-caregiving-qa-with-nikki-deloach\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:11:09","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:11:09","slug":"a-caregiving-qa-with-nikki-deloach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/alzheimers-and-dementia\/everyday-coping-for-caregivers\/a-caregiving-qa-with-nikki-deloach\/","title":{"rendered":"A Caregiving Q&A with Nikki DeLoach"},"content":{"rendered":"

Q. You grew up in Blackshear, Georgia, population: 3,500. How did your upbringing shape your faith?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. I was really free-range\u2014that\u2019s the beauty of growing up in a teeny, teeny town<\/a>. I loved church, Bible study and church camp in the summer. That\u2019s where I first started performing. When I was three years old, I remember sitting in Sunday school and feeling I was wrapped in this blanket of light and warmth and love. I never really knew what that was until I felt it as an adult and was like, \u201cThat\u2019s the presence of God!\u201d<\/p>\n

Q. Tell us about your dad.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. My dad worked in our family\u2019s timber and trucking business. He was a logger and drove 18-wheelers. He worked six days a week, got up at five in the morning to work, then came back home to take my sister and me to school. He was my basketball coach and drove me to voice lessons. He always made time for my brother, sister and me. Now you might be sitting outside the school for 30 minutes, and he might come swinging in on two wheels, but he always showed up. I could not have asked for a better father<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Q. In 2017, your newborn son needed heart surgery. Then, the same week, your dad was diagnosed with dementia at age 62?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. Bennett had only one coronary artery, and it was in the wrong place. At five days old, he had major surgery. Five days later, I got a call from my mother about Dad. I had been trying to get my mom to get him checked out. He kept forgetting things and didn\u2019t seem like himself.<\/p>\n

At first I didn\u2019t even think it was Alzheimer\u2019s or dementia because he was so young. But Dad was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of dementia called Pick\u2019s disease (commonly referred to as frontotemporal dementia<\/a>). It affects the brain\u2019s frontal or temporal lobes. Luckily we have the Alzheimer\u2019s Association doing research, people dedicating their lives to finding answers on treating it and slowing its progression.<\/p>\n

Q. What did it feel like to get this news all at once?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. The best way I can describe it: The life you once had, the life you once knew, it\u2019s all gone. I had to figure out a way to exist inside this new reality. Part of my heartbreak was that I was 2,500 miles away, in California. Bennett was in the hospital for a month after his surgery. He came home on oxygen. He was super compromised. We couldn\u2019t have people visit, and no one could hold him.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t get to my dad because I had to keep my son alive. To not be able to get to this man\u2014who had spent his life protecting me, taking care of me and being my biggest advocate\u2014was excruciating.<\/p>\n

Q. What changes did you see in your dad\u2019s personality leading up to the diagnosis?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. The year my older son, Hudson, was born, my dad forgot my birthday. He was always the first person to call on my birthday. My family visited after Hudson arrived. Dad loved kids. His grandkids were obsessed with him. He was the one who got up in the middle of the night to give us kids our bottles. But he was just not interested in my baby. He held him for a minute, said \u201cokay\u201d and handed him off.<\/p>\n

He was disconnected emotionally\u2014so unlike him. He lost his temper a lot, got frustrated and was disengaged from people. \u201cHe\u2019s just unhappy with work right now,\u201d my mom said. I thought maybe he was going through a midlife crisis. But the strange behaviors<\/a> became even more strange.<\/p>\n

Q. Did your dad know something was wrong with him?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. I buy my mother\u2019s Christmas gifts\u2014I know what she likes\u2014and Dad would give me the money for them. I landed in Georgia, and he said, \u201cHow much do I owe you?\u201d He wrote out a check. Later that night, he came back with his checkbook. \u201cHey, I want to pay you for your mom\u2019s stuff,\u201d he said. \u201cDad, you already gave me a check,\u201d I reminded him. The next day, he asked again. Same thing the next day.<\/p>\n

I sat him down. \u201cDad, are you okay?\u201d He said, \u201cI just know something\u2019s wrong, but I can\u2019t put things together.\u201d My dad was not a crier, but he put his head down and tears started down his face. I put my arms around him. \u201cYou know what, Dad? You may have to see some doctors<\/a>, but we\u2019ll figure out what\u2019s going on.\u201d Months later, Dad went to the Mayo Clinic. That\u2019s when we got the diagnosis.<\/p>\n

Q. How heartbreaking. What got you through those days with your son\u2019s heart problem and your dad\u2019s diagnosis?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. My faith is my everything. Sometimes there\u2019s this idea that if you just pray hard enough, or if you live a perfect life and do exactly what God expects of you, then bad stuff is not going to happen. Bennett was five days old when he had his first surgery. There\u2019s nothing he did to deserve or cause it. The truth is, that\u2019s life. Devastating, heartbreaking things happen<\/a>.<\/p>\n

What helps you move through them is faith. What helped me find every single miracle and every single piece of magic inside those really hard times is my faith. I don\u2019t know how I would\u2019ve gotten through these past three years, and I certainly don\u2019t know what kind of person I would\u2019ve been on the other side, if I didn\u2019t have God and Jesus in my life.<\/p>\n

Q. How does prayer help you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. I pray every single morning; it\u2019s the first thing I do. And it\u2019s the last thing I do before I go to bed. I pray over everything. I was praying, \u201cLead us to the right doctors, lead us to those we need and those who need us.\u201d And for my dad to be, in every single step, protected. The Alzheimer\u2019s Association, at every turn, has been so helpful.<\/p>\n

We went through a hard moment where we thought we were going to lose my dad. My first call was to the Alzheimer\u2019s Association<\/a>. They helped us find a great doctor ASAP. I pray to have the courage to ask for help, the openness to see what I\u2019m not seeing and to walk through a tough situation with an open heart so that I can be there for my mother and for my dad. We can be reminded every day of our job as human beings, which is we are all here walking each other home.<\/p>\n

Q. How did you and your family care for your dad?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. At first it was manageable, figuring out, Why is he hiding boxes of Pop-Tarts in his car? It progressed to \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get anything that can be used as a weapon out of the house.\u201d You go through different stages<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I flew home whenever I could. A lot of times, we were dealing with big things. I thought, I\u2019ll be the bad guy and take away the keys to his truck. <\/em>He can show up at my brother\u2019s or sister\u2019s and ask, \u201cWhere are the keys?\u201d But if I say I took the keys to California, he can\u2019t get to California. It made sense for me to be the bad guy in those situations.<\/p>\n

Q. What\u2019s your advice to caregivers who find themselves in a constant state of worry?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. When you\u2019re in a stressful, scary situation<\/a>, the way to move through it is to tell yourself, \u201cAll right, I\u2019m going to get through this next minute. Then, after that minute, I\u2019m going to get through the next minute.\u201d Those minutes become hours, days, weeks, months. I had to learn how to do this with Bennett. Being at a hospital, asking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going to happen?\u201d \u201cIs he going to make it?\u201d \u201cAm I going to be able to bring him home?\u201d All of those questions do a number on us.<\/p>\n

I have shared this with people during the Covid pandemic: \u201cLet\u2019s not focus on what\u2019s going to happen in six months.\u201d This allows you to find the moments of joy and happiness and a little bit of laughter. We need that.<\/p>\n

Q. How is your dad doing now?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. Last year, we moved Dad into a facility. These are hard conversations that families have to have. We always said to my mother, \u201cWhen you cannot do this anymore, wave the white flag. Then we will do whatever is necessary to save you.\u201d She waved the white flag. She\u2019d been up all day and night for nine days straight. Dad wasn\u2019t sleeping, so she couldn\u2019t sleep. He was a danger to himself.<\/p>\n

With Pick\u2019s, your brain does weird things and disconnects in a very specific way. You can pick up an iron and think it\u2019s a knife. He was up all night pacing and outside with a flashlight, thinking people were coming after him. He was setting off the alarm all night long. We did what a lot of families have to do\u2014we had to save the caregiver.<\/p>\n

Q. How do you connect with your dad these days?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. We FaceTime a lot. There\u2019s an incredible woman at the facility he\u2019s in. Her name is Des. Shout-out to Des! She is in charge of all the activities. She is an angel. She takes such great care in making sure that my dad is okay and happy. I FaceTime through her<\/a> and get to see him. Every time he sees me [on FaceTime], he says, \u201cHey, Nik.\u201d He still remembers my name. That\u2019s a miracle.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q. You grew up in Blackshear, Georgia, population: 3,500. How did your upbringing shape your faith? A. I was really free-range\u2014that\u2019s the beauty of growing up in a teeny, teeny town. I loved church, Bible study and church camp in the summer. That\u2019s where I first started performing. 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