{"id":20998,"date":"2026-03-11T10:20:17","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:20:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/a-death-row-chaplain-puts-alcohol-and-drugs\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:11:13","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:11:13","slug":"a-death-row-chaplain-puts-alcohol-and-drugs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/a-death-row-chaplain-puts-alcohol-and-drugs\/","title":{"rendered":"A Death Row Chaplain Puts Alcohol and Drugs Behind Him"},"content":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note: As chaplain for\u00a0the Golden State Warriors, Earl Smith had a lot to celebrate when the team\u00a0won the NBA Championship on June 12, 2017. Before he worked with the\u00a0Warriors, he was chaplain at San Quentin State Prison.<\/em><\/p>\n

Christmastime at San Quentin State Prison, America\u2019s most notorious maximum-security lockup. It was the job of chaplains like me to bring the inmates some holiday cheer.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t have much cheer myself that Christmas. I was a brand-new chaplain, with less than five months on the job. The darkness and despair of more than 5,000 men living behind bars overwhelmed me. How could anyone bring God\u2019s light here?<\/p>\n

Few places in the world are grimmer than San Quentin, home to America\u2019s largest death row. The 163-year-old prison juts out into the frigid waters of San Francisco Bay, surrounded by guard towers and rows of razor wire. Cells and hallways are cramped and decrepit.<\/p>\n

Entrance to death row is through a single steel door with the words Condemned Row <\/em>imprinted on the wall above. Charles Manson and the \u201cNight Stalker\u201d serial killer are part of the forbidding roster of murderers and gang kingpins who have all served time here.<\/p>\n

In my mind, I had accomplished exactly nothing since starting this job. Prisoners are shrewd and suspicious, slow to open up. My attempts to form pastoral relationships had failed.<\/p>\n

That day, December 13, I was handing out packets of Christmas cards to inmates who wanted to send holiday greetings, feeling more inadequate with each delivery. Nothing will do that to you more than a prison, inmate or not. They are the starkest, toughest places on earth.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t supposed to feel this way. If ever a minister was called to a job, I was called to be a chaplain at San Quentin. When I say called, <\/em>I mean I heard God\u2019s voice at maximum volume. He even used the words San Quentin.<\/em><\/p>\n

I grew up in a racially segregated neighborhood in Stockton, California. My parents made me go to church, but I was more into drugs\u2014using and dealing. By the time I graduated from high school, I was overseeing a network of suppliers. I was feared on the streets of Stockton. People who crossed me regretted it.<\/p>\n

One evening, Michael, one of my dealers, came to my apartment. He owed me money, so I figured he was coming to pay. A guy named Steven Moore was with him. We sat down and before I knew what was happening, Steven pulled a gun and shot me point-blank six times. I dove under my coffee table. Steven calmly shot me in the back.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d Michael said. \u201cHe\u2019s done.\u201d<\/p>\n

A neighbor called police. \u201cYou\u2019re going to die,\u201d a doctor told me in the hospital trauma ward. Barely conscious, I found myself alone in a room, in searing pain, awaiting surgery.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, the pain vanished. Totally. A profound peace came over me. For an instant I thought maybe I was <\/em>dead. Then a voice spoke, clear as a bell: You\u2019re not going to die. You have things to do. You\u2019re going to be a chaplain at San Quentin.<\/em><\/p>\n

That was all. but it was enough. i started going to church again and eventually made my way to college, where I graduated with a degree in religion. Becoming a pastor was a long road. I kept relapsing into my old life, drinking and doing drugs.<\/p>\n

I even found myself wondering what it would be like to come face-to-face with Steven Moore and do to him what he had done to me. An eye for an eye, right?<\/p>\n

In college, I\u2019d married a faithful, patient woman named Angel. With her support I got serious about my vocation. I put the drinking and drugs behind me and made amends to people I\u2019d hurt. I even convinced myself to forgive Steven Moore. I mean, didn\u2019t I have to say that?<\/p>\n

I was 27 when San Quentin offered me a job as a chaplain. I started on a six-month probationary period. Many candidates don\u2019t make it past that period. Like me, they feel overmatched by the prison\u2019s impenetrable despair.<\/p>\n

That December afternoon, as I pushed a cart stacked with Christmas cards down a row of cells, I figured my time at San Quentin was about over. My six-month review was coming up and I had nothing to show for myself. Obviously, God had called the wrong man to this job.<\/p>\n

I was in the section called North Block. At cell 66 I extended a packet of cards toward the inmate, who was leaning against the bars of his cell door. All of a sudden my stomach balled up. I broke into a sweat. The man looked at me blankly\u2014a look I got from many inmates who couldn\u2019t care less about a visit from the chaplain.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

His entire expression changed. His eyes widened and he jumped back all the way to the rear of his cell.<\/p>\n

\u201cAce,\u201d he said with a croak. But that was a street name. I knew his real name. Steven Moore. He hadn\u2019t recognized me at first, but I knew him on sight. How could I not? When someone looks you in the eye and shoots you pointblank, you don\u2019t forget his face.<\/p>\n

It\u2019d been eight years. He was a juvenile then, just 17, a budding L.A. gangster visiting family in Stockton. He\u2019d agreed to take me out as a favor to Michael, the dealer who owed me money.<\/p>\n

Steven knew as well as I did what this encounter meant. Though I hadn\u2019t formed any close relationships at San Quentin, I had met inmates I\u2019d known back on the streets. All it would take was a subtle signal\u2014me telling someone Steven had tried to kill me\u2014and he\u2019d be dead before Christmas. A quick twist of a shank in the yard.<\/p>\n

The harsh economy of prison runs on debts and obligations. Plenty of inmates would want to do the chaplain a favor.<\/p>\n

My heart pounded. All my old street instincts came crashing back. I had Steven Moore right where I wanted him! Hands shaking, I laid the stack of Christmas cards on the bars of his cell. I pushed my cart down the corridor.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t get far before I burst out weeping. I tried handing out more cards but I couldn\u2019t even say \u201cMerry Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, chaplain?\u201d inmates started asking.<\/p>\n

At the end of the corridor I leaned against the wall, tears streaming down, my whole body shaking now. The only way out of the cell block was back down the corridor. Past Steven\u2019s cell. I couldn\u2019t do it. I couldn\u2019t make my feet move.<\/p>\n

I stood there, the wall cold and hard against my back. With crystal clarity I saw why my ministry at San Quentin had stalled. My life had changed enormously since that night eight years ago. But the change was on the outside.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019d truly changed, I would\u2019ve been able to look Steven in the face and greet him in the name of Jesus. But I couldn\u2019t. I hadn\u2019t forgiven him. I hadn\u2019t left my old life behind. No wonder I failed to minister to these men. Inside, I was just like them. Imprisoned behind years of slow-burning hate and anger.<\/p>\n

I pushed my cart back down the corridor, each step agonizing. I passed cell 80. Then 70. My pace slowed. Cell 68, 67. I stopped at cell 66. I was all set to say something terrifying to Steven\u2014something so he\u2019d know he was going to get what was coming to him. But a voice inside me gave me different words.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, I want to thank you for shooting me,\u201d I said, too softly for the other inmates to hear. \u201cGod used you to get to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Steven said nothing. He just stared. I hurried away, unsure what I might do next. When I finished handing out the cards, I returned to my office, collapsed in my chair and sobbed. A huge weight seemed to lift from me. I felt free. Like my own steel door had flung open, revealing a world of light and air.<\/p>\n

I remembered the peace I\u2019d experienced the night Steven shot me. Now I knew that was just a glimmer. This was the real thing.<\/p>\n

From that day forward, my ministry at San Quentin took off. The inmates must have sensed I understood them in a new way. A few guys came to chapel. I started a prison baseball team. I played chess with prisoners.<\/p>\n

And I forged deep pastoral relationships. For most inmates, it\u2019s the inner incarceration that\u2019s most damaging. They carry profound pain from their childhoods. They feel worthless because of their crimes. They nurse grudges and hang on to hate.<\/p>\n

I made it my mission to help prisoners understand that even if they serve their term and are released, they\u2019ll remain behind bars until they deal with their inner pain.<\/p>\n

Steven Moore requested a transfer to another prison. I never saw him again or told him I forgave him. That\u2019s okay. Forgiving him was something I needed to do for myself. It allowed me to put my old life behind me for good. And to accept that God had forgiven me too. That\u2019s how I brought a little bit of God\u2019s light to a place as dark and despairing as San Quentin. I opened up the cell doors of my own heart.<\/p>\n

This story first appeared in the July 2015 issue of\u00a0<\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.
\n\u200b<\/p>\n

\"DeathEarl Smith is the author of Death Row Chaplain: Unbelievable True Stories from America’s Most Notorious Prison<\/em>, published by Howard Books (May 19, 2015).<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note: As chaplain for\u00a0the Golden State Warriors, Earl Smith had a lot to celebrate when the team\u00a0won the NBA Championship on June 12, 2017. Before he worked with the\u00a0Warriors, he was chaplain at San Quentin State Prison. Christmastime at San Quentin State Prison, America\u2019s most notorious maximum-security lockup. It was the job of chaplains […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":29158,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[193],"tags":[194,58,288,196,80],"ppma_author":[1220],"class_list":["post-20998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction-and-recovery","tag-addiction","tag-guideposts","tag-joys-of-christmas","tag-recovery","tag-stories-of-hope"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nA Death Row Chaplain Puts Alcohol and Drugs Behind Him - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Death Row Chaplain Puts Alcohol and Drugs Behind Him\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Editor’s Note: As chaplain for\u00a0the Golden State Warriors, Earl Smith had a lot to celebrate when the team\u00a0won the NBA Championship on June 12, 2017. 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