{"id":21010,"date":"2026-03-11T10:21:35","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:21:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/a-familys-battle\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:11:16","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:11:16","slug":"a-familys-battle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/caregiver-stress\/a-familys-battle\/","title":{"rendered":"A Family&#8217;s Battle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I was in the passenger seat of a Humvee, on a dusty street in Iraq. The sun was so bright it almost blinded me. I felt the sand whipping through the window, stinging my arm and face. Gunfire erupted. Rounds came through the windshield.<\/p>\n<p>I heard the driver shout. He\u2019d been hit. Blood was everywhere. No! I realized it was my husband, Caleb, an infantryman. I couldn\u2019t stop the blood. I shouted for a medic but I knew it was too late. Caleb was going to die.<\/p>\n<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ada4f91 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"ada4f91\" data-element_type=\"container\" id=\"home-banner-stn\">\n<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-72e6e8eb elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"72e6e8eb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Community Newsletter<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-261bcec elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"261bcec\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Get More Inspiration Delivered to Your Inbox<\/h3>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9787b46 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\/>\n                <script id=\"nf-tmpl-cell\" type=\"text\/template\">\n            <nf-fields><\/nf-fields>\n        <\/script><\/p>\n<p>        <script id=\"nf-tmpl-row\" type=\"text\/template\">\n            <nf-cells><\/nf-cells>\n        <\/script><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>I woke with a start. The bedroom was dark and silent. It was a dream, a terrible dream about a place I had never been, a war I had never fought in. Yet it was so real. I felt like screaming.<\/p>\n<p>But I couldn\u2019t. Caleb was asleep beside me and the last thing I wanted to do was wake him up. Who knew what he\u2019d do if he awoke in the dark, disoriented and afraid?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he\u2019d shout, or dive off the bed for cover. Or he\u2019d be jolted into combat mode, striking out at an unseen enemy. He\u2019d wake up our eight-year-old daughter, Katie, and then she\u2019d be crying too.<\/p>\n<p>Life had been like this ever since Caleb returned from his second tour of duty in Iraq. I was never even in the military. Caleb served on the front lines in Baghdad, Ramadi and other hot zones. He\u2019d been shot at and escaped dozens of explosions. For two years there was always someone trying to kill him. He came back with a traumatic brain injury and PTSD, unable to work, unable to cope.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d been caring for him for several years now. His physical injuries were the easy part. The wounds to his soul were deeper. Our house had to be dark\u2014too much light reminded Caleb of the desert sun. I had to monitor the TV to make sure nothing agitating came on\u2014news, war images, any kind of violence.<\/p>\n<p>My days were filled with typical mom duties: making meals, doing laundry, getting Katie to and from school and tap class. But I also squared off against Veterans Administration bureaucrats, monitored Caleb\u2019s 12 different medications and planned each day down to the second to make sure nothing unexpected happened.<\/p>\n<p>You never knew what might set him off. He hadn\u2019t hit me yet. But when his memories overwhelmed him and I momentarily became the enemy, he\u2019d come close. Mostly it was the screaming. Or his agonized replaying of some moment on the battlefield. He was racked with guilt for having survived when his buddies hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>We were broke. I was exhausted. And now I was having battlefield nightmares too. I\u2019d become hyper-alert, just like Caleb. I scanned every room for exits. I flinched at loud noises. It was as if I\u2019d contracted my husband\u2019s PTSD.<\/p>\n<p>Was that possible? I felt trapped and didn\u2019t know what to do. Lying there next to Caleb, I let myself drift back to the early, happy days of our marriage. We were high school sweethearts, married in college. I loved Caleb for his rugged good looks and his sense of honor\u2014and his smarts.<\/p>\n<p>He was a civil-engineering major and never ceased to amaze me with the facts stored in his head. I was studying to become a court clerk. I pictured us settling down, raising kids, fixing up a house. You know, a happy, normal life. September 11 changed all of that.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve got to enlist,\u201d Caleb said, watching the Twin Towers crumble. That was Caleb. A true southern gentleman, he took honor and duty very seriously. He volunteered for the infantry, though he could have chosen an easier job. He survived his first deployment and I prayed every day for his safe return from the second.<\/p>\n<p>He came home, but it didn\u2019t take long for me to see something was wrong. \u201cHoney,\u201d he asked a few days after getting back, \u201cthis is a stupid question, but&#8230;how do you divide a number by two? I can\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I guess it was at that moment I felt as if the bottom had fallen out of our lives. Then came the nightmares. Angry outbursts in the grocery store. Moments of agony and guilt. Sometimes Caleb would disappear into the bedroom for an entire day and night. Then I\u2019d worry he\u2019d decide life wasn\u2019t worth living.<\/p>\n<p><!--pagebreak--><\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t know where to turn. Caleb had been wrongly advised by the Army to withdraw from military service rather than getting a medical retirement, which would have entitled us to health benefits.<\/p>\n<p>Without benefits we couldn\u2019t afford basic health care, let alone treatment for a condition as complicated as PTSD. The VA bureaucracy was like a monolith. I didn\u2019t know what we were eligible for or how to get it.<\/p>\n<p>Caleb tried for a time to work, but he quickly learned that that was no longer possible. I tried starting a home business and went to food banks and church feeding programs to maximize our meager income.<\/p>\n<p>At last, with the help of an organization called Vietnam Veteran Wives, I figured out how to start the process of getting Caleb disability benefits. Still, for a long time, the three of us lived on less than $20,000 a year. We exhausted our savings, and our once-perfect credit went down the drain. We ended up filing for bankruptcy.<\/p>\n<p>I looked at my bedside clock: 3:00 a.m. A long time till morning. I didn\u2019t want to sleep anyway. I was scared I\u2019d have another nightmare. A few days earlier, I\u2019d Googled \u201cCaregiver PTSD.\u201d Psychiatrists hadn\u2019t officially recognized the condition, but the symptoms were being written about in medical journals.<\/p>\n<p>They could be brought on by the stresses of caregiving. Especially caregiving for wounded veterans. And yes, you could start reliving another person\u2019s trauma, especially a spouse\u2019s. I didn\u2019t know whether to feel vindicated or terrified.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d tried seeing a volunteer therapist\u2014we couldn\u2019t afford therapy otherwise\u2014but she didn\u2019t seem to understand. Then, just the other day, Katie and I had walked into a store together. \u201cMama,\u201d Katie said, looking up at me matter-of-factly, \u201cthere are four exits from here. Look.\u201d She pointed around the room, just like her daddy did. Not Katie too!<\/p>\n<p>I stared into the darkness of the bedroom. <em>Lord, is our whole family cursed with PTSD? <\/em>I wondered. <em>Isn\u2019t there anything you can do to help us?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I closed my eyes, retreating into the deeper darkness of my thoughts. Suddenly an idea popped into my mind.<\/p>\n<p><em>Start a website.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>That made no sense. What would I want to start a website for? As if I had time!<\/p>\n<p>I found myself remembering the conversation I\u2019d had with a woman at Vietnam Veteran Wives, the one who\u2019d told me how to sign Caleb up for disability. It had meant the world just to talk to someone who understood.<\/p>\n<p>My eyes flew open. Was <em>that <\/em>what a website could do? Provide a way for people to reach out and share the burden of caregiving? Already a name was coming to mind: Family of a Vet. Because that\u2019s what Caleb, Katie and I were. That\u2019s what we had to offer.<\/p>\n<p>The next day I looked up do-it-yourself instructions and cobbled together the most amateurish website you ever saw. I wrote about my struggles and asked if anyone out there was in a similar situation.<\/p>\n<p>The following day I checked the site. There was a comment! \u201cThank you so much for sharing your story, Brannan. Our lives sound so similar. I had never heard of a vet center and how they offer combat counseling. Please tell me how to sign up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I posted a reply explaining what I\u2019d learned. By the end of that week four more women had visited the site and shared stories and tips of their own. Soon hundreds of military families were coming to the site to trade stories and advice on caring for wounded warriors. I put up my contact information and other military families reached out.<\/p>\n<p><!--pagebreak--><\/p>\n<p>Many of their situations were far worse than mine\u2014husbands lost or suicidal, VA case managers AWOL. Talking together, we often figured out solutions. Sometimes talking <em>was <\/em>the solution. \u201cI feel so much better,\u201d a vet\u2019s wife said to me after we commiserated about our kids casing rooms for exits and acting up in school.<\/p>\n<p>I felt better too. You\u2019d think listening to caregiving war stories would compound my anxiety. It didn\u2019t. I felt reassured. I wasn\u2019t alone. I was part of a community. And my struggles weren\u2019t for nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Now I could talk to women overwhelmed by caregiving and say with complete honesty, \u201cI know what you\u2019re going through.\u201d I had become what I\u2019d spent so many years looking for\u2014a resource.<\/p>\n<p>Gradually our home life improved. Caleb still had nightmares and mood swings\u2014and so did I. But some evenings we made it through an entire dinner without talking about Iraq once. Especially if we were having lasagna, Caleb\u2019s favorite, which Katie liked to help me make.<\/p>\n<p>Caleb got a service dog, a German shepherd named Shilo, who\u2019s trained to bark or put her paws on Caleb\u2019s chest when she senses something about to trigger a PTSD episode. Shilo has been nothing short of a miracle. She\u2019s Caleb\u2019s, of course, but she often works \u201cextra shifts\u201d to help me too.<\/p>\n<p>Caleb got involved with our local chapter of Rolling Thunder, the vets\u2019 organization dedicated to raising awareness about POWs and MIAs. Recently we took a big family trip to the annual convention in Washington, D.C. It was exhausting, but we made it. And Caleb met a lot of other guys with stories like his.<\/p>\n<p>The more stories he hears, and the more he shares his, the more self-assured he becomes. The love of my life has a long way to go. I\u2019m not going to sugarcoat that. But things are definitely getting better. Family of a Vet is a registered nonprofit now. We raise money to help veterans and their caregivers get the services they need.<\/p>\n<p>I even signed up for a VA program that pays caregivers of disabled vets for their work. It\u2019s the first of its kind\u2014and so far only open to caregivers of vets who served in Iraq or Afghanistan. But I hope it\u2019s going to expand.<\/p>\n<p>One evening, I was in the laundry room sorting clothes while simultaneously planning Katie\u2019s lunch and Caleb\u2019s meds for the next day. Suddenly Caleb came up behind me. For an instant I flinched\u2014old reflexes. But all he did was take me in his arms and start dancing me around the cramped room.<\/p>\n<p>I often think back to the night I got the idea for Family of a Vet. I know that that was no random idea. It was an answer to prayer. In meeting other families online, in helping them, my struggles have become a source of strength.<\/p>\n<p>Caregiving is a battle. It can give you PTSD. But we don\u2019t fight that battle alone. God gives us one another. And in that gift, he gives us himself.<\/p>\n<p><em>Download your FREE ebook, <a href=\"http:\/\/guideposts.org\/free-ebooks\/prayer-every-need\/download?int_source=Article&amp;int_medium=EndOfArticle&amp;int_campaign=PrayerforEveryNeedeBook\">A Prayer for Every Need, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was in the passenger seat of a Humvee, on a dusty street in Iraq. The sun was so bright it almost blinded me. I felt the sand whipping through the window, stinging my arm and face. Gunfire erupted. Rounds came through the windshield. I heard the driver shout. He\u2019d been hit. Blood was everywhere. 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