{"id":21030,"date":"2026-03-11T10:24:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/a-gambling-addicts-path-to-redemption\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:11:18","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:11:18","slug":"a-gambling-addicts-path-to-redemption","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/a-gambling-addicts-path-to-redemption\/","title":{"rendered":"A Gambling Addict&#8217;s Path to Redemption"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This is what the end stage of a <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/recovering-from-gambling-and-other-behavioral-addictions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">gambling addiction<\/a> looks like.<\/p>\n<p>I was alone in a tiny apart\u00adment in a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri. On TV, the football team I had bet on was about to lose. Not even the point spread was going to save me. That bet was the last of my money. I was broke.<\/p>\n<p>The apartment was bare except for a couch, a bed, the TV and a bookshelf with some books about gambling and a black leather <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/bible-resources\/bible-verses\/encouraging-bible-verses\/7-encouraging-bible-verses-for-families\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Bible<\/a> I\u2019d never opened. I\u2019d sold or pawned everything else.<\/p>\n<p>The air reeked of cigarettes. I was 29 years old. I\u2019d been gambling since high school. Believe it or not, I worked at a casino, dealing poker.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d been through countless <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/my-moment-of-truth-in-rehab\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">rehabs<\/a>. Declared bankruptcy. Alienated fam\u00adily and friends. Even put my dog in the pound once so I could go to an out-of-state casino. (I ran out of gas on that trip, bounced a check to fill the tank, then borrowed money to get the dog out of the pound.)<\/p>\n<p>I had nothing. I felt like nothing.<\/p>\n<p>I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed. A believing person would pray at a time like this, but <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/true-stories-of-answered-prayer\/guideposts-classics-mike-douglas-on-embracing-prayer\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">I had not prayed for nearly two decades<\/a>. Not since my dad had died of a heart attack when I was 12 years old. I\u2019d thought of myself as a good kid up till then. I even went to church, though mostly for the youth group. I blamed God for Dad\u2019s death and turned my back on religion.<\/p>\n<p>Now all I wanted was to close my eyes and never wake up. I thought about <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/coping-with-illness\/5-warning-signs-of-suicide\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">taking all the pills in the apart\u00adment<\/a>. Crashing my car into a wall at high speed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGod, if you\u2019re real, show me a fu\u00adture I can hope for,\u201d I said to the ceil\u00ading. I did not expect an answer.<\/p>\n<p>Dad had served in the Air Force dur\u00ading the <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/inspiring-stories\/stories-of-faith-and-hope\/a-veterans-emotional-visit-to-the-vietnam-veterans-memorial\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Vietnam War<\/a>. Like a lot of vets, he never talked about that experience and had difficulty showing emotion.<\/p>\n<p>Work kept him away from home a lot. On weekends, he\u2019d disappear for hours into the basement, the man cave where he worked on projects.<\/p>\n<p>When I was 12, Dad decided to run for local government. All of a sudden, he was home every day. My brother and sister and I helped with his campaign, go\u00ading door to door and putting up signs around town.<\/p>\n<p>It was more time than I\u2019d ever spent with Dad, and I loved it. <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/aging-parents\/5-ways-to-give-back-on-fathers-day\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">I even wrote him a letter<\/a> telling him how much I loved him and how proud of him I was. When he read that letter, a look came over his face I\u2019d never seen be\u00adfore. He gave me a big hug. What an amazing feeling!<\/p>\n<p>One morning a few weeks later, I woke up late for school. I raced out of my room. The house was full of rela\u00adtives. Everyone looked devastated.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe lost your dad last night,\u201d Mom said in a broken voice.<\/p>\n<p>There had been a big rainstorm, and Dad had been in the basement trying to stop some flooding. He\u2019d had a heart attack and died. He was a smoker but otherwise in good health. Now he was gone.<\/p>\n<p>Kids are literal-minded. The night before, I had asked God to give me a day off school because I was late with a big homework assignment. Was this God\u2019s terrifying way of answering my prayer? Of punishing me for being selfish? How could I believe in a God like that or ever trust him?<\/p>\n<p>Mom did her best, but she strug\u00adgled. I felt lost. Mom gave me Dad\u2019s watch, the contents of his wallet and a black leather-bound Bible.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis Bible was your father\u2019s,\u201d she said. \u201cHe got it when he was stationed at a base overseas. It meant a lot to him. <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/family\/the-gift-that-restored-her-connection-to-the-father-she-barely-knew\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">He\u2019d want you to have it.<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My dad read the Bible? Neither of my parents went to church. I\u2019d started going only because my grandmother took me. Maybe faith was like a lot of things in Dad\u2019s life\u2014private.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t care. I\u2019d already made up my mind about God. I stuck the Bible in my room and forgot about it.<\/p>\n<p>Mom remarried when I was in high school and moved to a new town. I stayed behind to finish school under the care of my brother, who was nine years older.<\/p>\n<p>My brother and his friends liked playing online poker. They invited me to join. The games were just for fun, low stakes.<\/p>\n<p>Not for me. I was hooked after the very first game. Win or lose, I had to keep playing.<\/p>\n<p>Card sharks on TV make poker look like a glamorous game of skill. Really, it\u2019s like other forms of <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/the-unique-challenges-presented-by-a-gambling-addiction\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">gambling<\/a>. Even the best players lose big sometimes, and a lot depends on blind luck.<\/p>\n<p>I got sucked in by the card shark part. After a couple wins, I saw myself striking it rich and impressing every\u00adone with my cool.<\/p>\n<p>Addicts love shortcuts. The world felt unpredictable and scary after Dad died. Playing poker simplified every\u00adthing and gave me a false sense of fo\u00adcus. Staring at a hand of cards, I felt calm and in control. I was one big win away from solving all my problems.<\/p>\n<p>I never got that big win, even after landing a job at a casino. The gambling industry makes money by taking ad\u00advantage of willing fools like me.<\/p>\n<p>By the time I was 22, I had burned through $100,000, much of it bor\u00adrowed. I declared bankruptcy and started a cycle: Gamble, lose every\u00adthing, own up to it, go to rehab, re\u00adlapse, repeat.<\/p>\n<p>I never quit my casino job. Why would I? The pay was great, and I could plow every paycheck back into poker or sports betting.<\/p>\n<p>My brother gave up on me. My mom despaired. My life became a nonstop scramble to borrow money from someone to pay back someone else who\u2019d lent me money for rent so I could avoid getting evicted. I lied. Manipulated. Schemed. Lied some more.<\/p>\n<p>Finally the whole thing came crash\u00ading down, and I was sitting there in my apartment bedroom, broke, filled with self-loathing, wondering wheth\u00ader I should kill myself.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/turning-to-god-helped-her-kick-her-gambling-and-drug-addictions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">I spoke my hopeless prayer<\/a> to the ceiling and hung my head. Which was it going to be? Pills? Or a car crash?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe kingdom of heaven is upon you,\u201d said a voice.<\/p>\n<p>I looked around. Who said that? The voice spoke again. I realized it was coming from <em>inside <\/em>me.<\/p>\n<p>I jumped up. Was I going insane? I ran into the living room. At once my eyes were drawn to the bookshelf. Lying next to the books about gam\u00adbling was that black leather Bible.<\/p>\n<p>My father\u2019s Bible. I had hung onto it all these years but had no idea why. It\u2019s not as if I ever read it. Yet I couldn\u2019t bring myself to get rid of it. It just kind of stuck to me.<\/p>\n<p>I grabbed the Bible, sat down and opened it. The pages parted at the be\u00adginning of the Gospel of Matthew. I noticed <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/bible-resources\/deepen-your-faith\/7-reasons-to-write-in-your-bible\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">writing in the margins<\/a>. Dad\u2019s handwriting. Cross-references. Un\u00adderlined passages. I flipped around. Notes were everywhere.<\/p>\n<p>Dad really <em>had <\/em>used this Bible. Had faith been more important to him than he\u2019d let on? <em>Trust this book, <\/em>the notes seemed to be telling me.<\/p>\n<p>I read through the confusing gene\u00adalogy at the beginning of Matthew, followed by the account of <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/inspiring-stories\/stories-of-faith-and-hope\/the-christmas-story-in-bible-verses\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Jesus\u2019 birth<\/a> and his baptism in the River Jordan.<\/p>\n<p>Then I came to the first words Je\u00adsus speaks at the start of his ministry: \u201cRepent, for the kingdom of heaven is upon you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I froze. Those were the words I had just heard.<\/p>\n<p>I raced through the Gospel of Mat\u00adthew, slowing down only for the ago\u00adnizing scene of the Crucifixion and the joy of the <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/how-to-pray\/how-to-pray-in-light-of-the-resurrection\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Resurrection<\/a>. A warm feeling spread through my body, like a wave. I knew without a doubt that God was real and present in the words of this book I was holding.<\/p>\n<p>I got down on my knees. \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/inspirational-prayers\/prayers-of-forgiveness\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Please for\u00adgive me, Jesus<\/a>,\u201d I said. \u201cSave me. I give my whole self to you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a clich\u00e9 to say a weight lifts when you pray, but that\u2019s exactly what hap\u00adpened. The despair, helplessness and shame that had been crushing me for 17 years vanished. I felt an unfamiliar feeling: <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/inspiring-stories\/stories-of-faith-and-hope\/hoping-against-hope-always-pray\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">hope<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>A gambling addiction that has tak\u00aden such deep root in a person\u2019s life doesn\u2019t vanish overnight. It was six months before I placed my last bet. Another two months before I quit my casino job.<\/p>\n<p>Right before I left that job, <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/prayer\/prayers-for-stronger-faith\/3-ways-to-hear-god-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">I heard from God again<\/a>. Very distinctly I heard him tell me that he wanted me to stop working at the casino to do something else\u2014start an online ministry that helps people share their own stories of redemption.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what I did. I could write a whole separate story of how God helped me do that. Togeth\u00ader with a friend from the church I\u2019d begun attending, I launched Testimo\u00adny House, which continues to this day.<\/p>\n<p>When I told my casino coworkers that I had been saved and was plan\u00adning to give up gambling, <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/inspiring-stories\/people-helping-people\/god-led-her-to-open-a-non-profit-repair-shop-for-low-income-drivers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">start a min\u00adistry<\/a>, get married and have kids, they all laughed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJohn, you\u2019re a broke loser and a de\u00adgenerate gambler,\u201d they said. \u201cYou\u2019ll never change. No woman would ever marry you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Three weeks later, while working on my ministry, I met Megan through a friend at church. She and I married the following year, and today we have four children.<\/p>\n<p>I still have Dad\u2019s Bible, and I look in it whenever I need to feel close to him. I don\u2019t know why Dad didn\u2019t share his faith with me when he was alive, but that\u2019s okay. I give thanks for that Bible, which waited patiently on my bookshelf until God knew I was ready to read it. When my very life de\u00adpended on it.<\/p>\n<p><em>For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shopguideposts.org\/magazines\/guideposts-magazine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> <em>magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is what the end stage of a gambling addiction looks like. I was alone in a tiny apart\u00adment in a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri. On TV, the football team I had bet on was about to lose. Not even the point spread was going to save me. That bet was the last of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":29174,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[193],"tags":[194,15,168,76,16,58,30],"ppma_author":[1209],"class_list":["post-21030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction-and-recovery","tag-addiction","tag-faith","tag-family-stories","tag-father","tag-god","tag-guideposts","tag-prayer"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.6 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>A Gambling Addict&#8217;s Path to Redemption - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Gambling Addict&#8217;s Path to Redemption\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is what the end stage of a gambling addiction looks like. I was alone in a tiny apart\u00adment in a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri. On TV, the football team I had bet on was about to lose. Not even the point spread was going to save me. 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