{"id":21075,"date":"2026-03-11T10:28:56","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T10:28:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/alzheimers-comedy-improv-as-a-resource\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:11:23","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:11:23","slug":"alzheimers-comedy-improv-as-a-resource","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/coping-with-illness\/alzheimers-comedy-improv-as-a-resource\/","title":{"rendered":"Alzheimer&#8217;s Disease: Comedy Improv Is a Surprising Resource"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Grace, my teenage daughter, sat on our couch with my 87-year-old mom, goofing around on her phone. \u201cYou need to do homework,\u201d I reminded her.<\/p>\n<p>Something stirred inside Mom. \u201cDon\u2019t you tell her what to do,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s my job,\u201d I said lightly. \u201cI\u2019m her mommy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She stared at me. \u201cYou\u2019re not her mommy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Grace\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cWell then, who is she?\u201d Grace asked.<\/p>\n<p>Mom struggled to come up with an answer, but I was ready. \u201cShe <em>is <\/em>my daughter,\u201d I insisted. \u201cAnd <em>I <\/em>am your daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u200b\u201cYou. Are. Not. My. Daughter,\u201d Mom said, her face pinched.<\/p>\n<p>That stung. Not her daughter? I was the youngest of her six kids, and we\u2019d always been close. Couldn\u2019t she see the love I had for her? Intellectually, I knew this was a symptom of her dementia, but tell that to my heart.<\/p>\n<p>Enter my husband, Mondy. \u201cVirginia,\u201d he said to my mom, with theatrical flair. \u201cI\u2019m organizing a heist tonight. I need you to drive the getaway car.\u201d Instantly the tension was swept away. Mom sat up, smiling, saying, \u201cI\u2019m calling the police on you.\u201d She knew he was joking and enjoyed foiling the scheme.<\/p>\n<div class=\"media-youtube-player\">\n<p><div class='media-youtube-player'><iframe class='media-youtube-player' src='https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/mds0Ln5Tg24?rel=0' frameborder='0' allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Why couldn\u2019t I be more like Mondy? He didn\u2019t contradict Mom. Instead he played off her\u2014the more madcap, the better. It was like watching two wacky improv comedians. I knew what he was doing. <em>How <\/em>he did it, even. I was the one who\u2019d told him the ways improvisation and dementia care were similar. Yet there I was again, like the straight man in a comedy sketch who was never in on the fun.<\/p>\n<p>That was how I\u2019d met Mondy in 1990, doing improv comedy. I was living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, doing administrative work for an improv group, when a friend invited me to join a troupe doing a Monty Python revue. Mondy was part of the troupe. No one could make me laugh the way he did. We started performing together. His razor-sharp intellect, my physical humor\u2014we were a great team. It seemed natural that we\u2019d make a life together.<\/p>\n<p>But with the laughter came sadness. My parents were living in Illinois, enjoying retirement, when Dad started showing signs of dementia. Mom threw herself into caring for him. She\u2019d always been happiest when she was busy. She\u2019d thrived on running our household, raising the six of us, making sure we had a strong spiritual foundation.<\/p>\n<p>In the end, the strain of caring for Dad was too much. My parents moved to St. Louis, Missouri. Mom moved in with one of my sisters, and Dad entered a long-term care facility.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted to understand this disease that steals more than memories\u2014it threatens who we are. One night I typed into Google \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/post\/7-keys-to-caring-for-a-loved-one-with-dementia\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">What are the rules for caring for someone with Alzheimer\u2019s?<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Reading through the results, I came across this line: \u201cStep into their world.\u201d A basic tenet of improvisational theater. Don\u2019t argue the premise. Build on it. Don\u2019t say no. Say \u201cYes, and\u2026\u201d It felt like a message meant just for me. Caregiving for a loved one with Alzheimer\u2019s takes a toll on even the strongest among us. This was a way I could make a difference, teaching people how to defuse conflicts using the principles of improv.<\/p>\n<p>I came up with a presentation and asked caregiver support groups if I could speak to them. When Mondy didn\u2019t have an acting gig, he\u2019d join me and we\u2019d do our two-person show. \u201cThis is just what I\u2019ve been looking for,\u201d family caregivers would tell me. Word spread. I retooled the material for corporate team-building workshops too. Soon I was getting paid to share my advice.<\/p>\n<p>Dad died in 2000, when Grace was two. Mom was 75 and spent summers with us. She doted on Grace. But several years later, it was clear she was having trouble. One day, my sister called from St. Louis. \u201cMom got lost driving home from the grocery,\u201d she said. A six-block drive. My sister worked full-time. Mondy\u2019s and my schedules were more flexible. We decided Mom would move in with us. But we couldn\u2019t do that in Milwaukee. Our families were too far apart.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat about Asheville, North Carolina?\u201d Mondy suggested. \u201cYou\u2019d have two sisters close by.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Asheville\u2019s thriving arts scene would be perfect for Mondy\u2019s acting and commercial voiceover work. Surely I\u2019d be able to find speaking engagements. We took a leap of faith and made the move in 2006. What we didn\u2019t foresee was the recession. Mondy couldn\u2019t find work. I struggled to get bookings as well.<\/p>\n<p>With both of us caring for Mom full-time, Mondy and I took on different roles. I managed Mom\u2019s meds, helped her get showered and dressed, made sure she ate a healthy diet. I wasn\u2019t looking to turn our interactions into a comedy sketch. I just wanted to get to the next thing on my to-do list. Seeing to Grace. Chores. Making new contacts for speaking engagements. My workshops were our main source of income.<\/p>\n<p>Mondy? He was Mr. Fun. All the improv techniques I\u2019d been teaching were second nature to him. He liked performing. Without regular acting gigs, he turned his creative energies toward Mom.<\/p>\n<p>Seeing a squirrel out the window, leaping from branch to branch, she mistook it for a monkey. Mondy would go with it. He\u2019d say, \u201cYes, and it seems a bit early for monkey season.\u201d Mom would giggle and say something even sillier. \u201cYes, and\u2026\u201d Mondy would reply. Round and round they\u2019d go. When Mom said she used to roller-skate down our street as a girl, Mondy said, \u201cYes, I can see you zipping by.\u201d It didn\u2019t matter that Mom had grown up in West Virginia, not North Carolina. Mondy was all about affirming. Getting her talking. Mom thrived on the attention.<\/p>\n<p>It was so obvious. But too often I couldn\u2019t do it. I found myself correcting Mom, trying to get her to be who she was. She gravitated to Mondy. He could do no wrong. Me? By trying to get her to be the mom I knew, I made her feel as if she were wrong. \u201cWhy are you so mean?\u201d she\u2019d ask.<\/p>\n<p>Things got worse after Mom was diagnosed with diabetes. I had to be even more careful about her diet. Mom didn\u2019t understand why she couldn\u2019t have a second bowl of ice cream. Sometimes she\u2019d lash out and curse at me. My mom, who was so sweet she considered <em>shoot <\/em>a swear word.<\/p>\n<p>I was frustrated. \u201cWhat am I missing?\u201d I asked Mondy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou know what it is. She\u2019s <em>your <\/em>mom,\u201d he said. If it were my mom, I would be in your shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I knew he was right. I wanted to be able to have a real conversation with Mom, to talk about my daughter and hear my mom\u2019s perspective. To be as connected to her as I\u2019d felt growing up. Grace had been writing down the family stories Mom often repeated. One day we\u2019d treasure them. Right now, though, what I wanted most from Mom was something she couldn\u2019t give me.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe that\u2019s why it hurt so much that night to hear her say, \u201cYou. Are. Not. My. Daughter.\u201d I needed to prepare for a presentation, but long after Mom had gone to bed, I sat at my desk, her words echoing in my mind. I had no clever comeback, no way to handle this. Yes, and? No, I just couldn\u2019t go there.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019d been living in North Carolina, living with Alzheimer\u2019s, for nine years by then. In some ways, our lives were more stable. Mondy had purchased a local beeswax candle-making company. He\u2019d moved the works to a barn on our property, enabling him to work from home. Grace had grown into a mature and responsible teenager. We were active in theater in town. Acting was less a source of income and more a welcome release. My sisters subbed for us, allowing us to take a weekend away as a family from time to time. Dementia may have overtaken her mind, but physically<\/p>\n<p>Mom was strong. I was convinced that the stimulation she got from us, Mondy especially, was part of the reason. Mom might have been healthy, but the disease was progressing. She was less verbal, more resistant. Everything was a battle. She didn\u2019t want to get dressed. Didn\u2019t want to go to bed. Didn\u2019t like the meals I made.<\/p>\n<p>I got up from my desk and walked to Mom\u2019s room. I stood in the doorway for a while, watching her sleep. She\u2019d been the first to laugh at my jokes. She\u2019d bandaged my knees when I fell, taught me God was there when I was afraid. That woman was still there, but her memories weren\u2019t. And I wasn\u2019t that little girl anymore. We\u2019d both changed, but I was the only one clinging to the past.<\/p>\n<p>In improv, there\u2019s no clinging to a particular role. In seconds, you can go from being a waitress to an astronaut. It\u2019s about accepting whatever comes. The way my mother had said God accepts us. With all our flaws and weaknesses yet loving us anyway. The pain I felt wasn\u2019t just that I was losing my mom. I felt I was losing part of myself. I had to let go of it all. Maybe in Mom\u2019s eyes, I was no longer her daughter. That didn\u2019t make me love her any less. I could still be a part of her world, if I was willing to join her there.<\/p>\n<p>A few days later, I took a call for a booking on the porch, where I could talk without Mom joining in. When the call ended and I went back into the kitchen, there was Mom devouring Moose Tracks ice cream right from the quart. Her blood sugar was already high from getting into Grace\u2019s Easter candy that morning. This was dangerous. I wanted to yell, \u201cYou can\u2019t have ice cream! You have diabetes!\u201d But I caught myself. \u201cIt\u2019s such a hot day,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019m glad you found the ice cream.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Mom looked down at the carton. \u201cLet me get you some,\u201d she said. She set the ice cream on the counter and opened the cabinet to get a bowl. I grabbed the Moose Tracks and stuck it back in the freezer. When Mom turned, I said, \u201cThanks for the bowl. Could you fill it with water? I\u2019d like to put it on the porch for the dogs.\u201d Mom smiled, happy to help.<\/p>\n<p>People with Alzheimer\u2019s are told what they can\u2019t do, what\u2019s not true, what not to say, at every turn. Of course, they shut down. Who wouldn\u2019t? From then on, I acted more like Mondy and made \u201cYes, and\u2026\u201d my go-to response. My relationship with Mom eased, even as the challenges of caring for her grew.<\/p>\n<p>Last year, we moved Mom to a memory care facility. We visit her almost daily. At 92, she\u2019s still physically fit but she doesn\u2019t always know who we are. That\u2019s okay. I\u2019m glad to step into her world and love her right where she\u2019s at.<\/p>\n<p>Read more: <a href=\"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/post\/7-keys-to-caring-for-a-loved-one-with-dementia\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><em>7 Keys to Caring for a Loved One with Dementia<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bit.ly\/guidepostssub\"><strong>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> <em>magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Grace, my teenage daughter, sat on our couch with my 87-year-old mom, goofing around on her phone. \u201cYou need to do homework,\u201d I reminded her. Something stirred inside Mom. \u201cDon\u2019t you tell her what to do,\u201d she said. \u201cThat\u2019s my job,\u201d I said lightly. \u201cI\u2019m her mommy.\u201d She stared at me. \u201cYou\u2019re not her mommy.\u201d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":29196,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[360,384],"tags":[243,210,25],"ppma_author":[1196],"class_list":["post-21075","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coping-with-illness","category-helpful-activities","tag-alzheimers","tag-caregiving","tag-family"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.6 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Alzheimer&#8217;s Disease: Comedy Improv Is a Surprising Resource - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Alzheimer&#8217;s Disease: Comedy Improv Is a Surprising Resource\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Grace, my teenage daughter, sat on our couch with my 87-year-old mom, goofing around on her phone. \u201cYou need to do homework,\u201d I reminded her. 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