Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. <\/em>I take viewers to the far corners of the globe and introduce them to other cultures by exploring the foods they eat\u2014at times, pretty strange stuff.<\/p>\nIf there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve learned after a lifetime of dining on delicacies like blood pudding, sea squirts and camel kidneys, even folks who wouldn\u2019t come within 100 yards of a Cambodian tarantula want to hear what it\u2019s like to chomp on one!<\/p>\n
That, ostensibly, was why I was here. I was speaking at a fund-raising gala for Services for the Underserved. SUS helps people with developmental disabilities, HIV\/AIDS , the mentally ill and homeless veterans.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s an organization devoted to supplying housing and supportive services to all of the underserved communities of NYC. I\u2019d come into town on the early side so I could tour their residential facilities for veterans.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d met Jimmy in the common room. We struck up a conversation and I asked if I could see where he lived.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve made a mess of my life,\u201d he said. He told me how for years he\u2019d struggled with physical and emotional problems, lost his marriage and his business. \u201cI had nothing to live for. It just seemed so hopeless before I got help here at SUS.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been there,\u201d I said, my voice just a whisper. \u201cAnd not that long ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought back to that day in New York City, early January of 1992. I\u2019d checked into a cheap hotel with a case of vodka in large plastic bottles. \u201cI had a plan. I was going to drink myself to death,\u201d I said. Jimmy looked at me, his eyes wide.<\/p>\n
I was 30. Everyone, my friends, my business partners, my family, had wisely turned their backs on me. My once-promising career as a chef and restaurateur was trashed. I\u2019d spent most of the previous year squatting in an abandoned building, living with other drunks and junkies.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t believe in anything or anyone, including myself, and least of all in a Higher Power. The only thing I had faith in was the bottle.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d dreamed of being in the food business from the moment my globetrotting parents introduced me to the foods of the world during childhood trips to Europe and Asia.<\/p>\n
I worked my way up the food chain, beginning with summer jobs in high school, then on to unpaid apprenticeships in restaurants in Italy and France, then to restaurants back home as a cook, then sous chef, executive chef and finally to a partnership in a foodservices development company and consulting group.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d worked in some of the best kitchens in the world, with some of the best chefs in the business.<\/p>\n
Outside the kitchen my life was spiraling downward. I told myself I was in control, that I wasn\u2019t really addicted at all. I used heroin to come down from coke, alcohol to moderate the pills. I had it all figured out.<\/p>\n
But after a decade of this, my friends, people with successful careers and families, no longer wanted to go out when I called. No longer let me crash on their couches. No longer took my calls. More and more the people I hung out with were other drunks and addicts.<\/p>\n
Jimmy nodded. \u201cYeah,\u201d he said softly. \u201cAt first you don\u2019t care. You just want to get high. But then…then it\u2019s too late.\u201d He stood up and walked to a dresser, framed pictures of a smiling family atop it. He pointed to a photo of a handsome young boy.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy son,\u201d he said. \u201cHe\u2019s a great kid. I didn\u2019t see him for years until I got the new start here.\u201d He looked back at me and wiped a hand across his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know how you feel, Jimmy.\u201d He sat back down and I continued my story.<\/p>\n
I was walking a tightrope. I got kicked out of my apartment, then another one. One morning a restaurant owner I was consulting with found me passed out on the floor of his establishment.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis isn\u2019t working,\u201d my partners finally told me. \u201cWe\u2019re through, Andrew.\u201d I was screwing up my own life but they weren\u2019t about to let me screw up theirs.<\/p>\n
That night I went to a dive bar, drank myself senseless, then followed a group of drunks back to the building they were squatting in, in lower Manhattan. I stayed there for almost a year, watching all hope drain out of my life. I was a loser. I couldn\u2019t take it any more.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when I went to the flophouse. I lay in bed and guzzled vodka till I passed out, woke up and started again. Days went by. I was down to my last bottles of booze. I couldn\u2019t understand it. I had nothing to live for. Why was I still alive?<\/p>\n
Then one morning my eyes slowly, groggily opened. There was the bed. And the floor littered with empty bottles. But…everything was different. I couldn\u2019t explain it, but it was as if someone turned a light on. Was it hope? Was it real?<\/p>\n
The Ace bandage of anxiety and misery I wore around my chest wasn\u2019t there. The ache to make the day go away wasn\u2019t there. The fear just wasn\u2019t there, for the first time in 15 years.<\/p>\n
I grabbed the phone and called the only person I could think of who might listen to me, a publisher who\u2019d been my best friend for 20 years.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need help,\u201d I pleaded. \u201cPlease. Please come get me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t go anywhere,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019ll be there in half an hour.\u201d<\/p>\n
I had escaped that hotel with my life, but I was still an addict. By the time I got to my friend\u2019s house I was already backpedaling, scheming, telling him I didn\u2019t need anything more than a loan. I could fix my problems.<\/p>\n
The next morning, not five minutes after he left for work, I broke into his liquor cabinet. This time I would stay in control.<\/p>\n
Each day for three days he asked me what I was going to do. He asked me to meet with another friend who\u2019d been sober for a year or two. I agreed to meet her at a restaurant for coffee. When I got to the restaurant the back room was packed\u2014filled with people I\u2019d thought had long since forgotten me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re taking you to the airport,\u201d one friend said. \u201cYou\u2019ve been admitted to a Hazelden treatment center in Minnesota. They\u2019ll be able to give you the help you need.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jimmy slapped his hand on the bed. \u201cYou had an intervention,\u201d he said. \u201cMe too, once. But it didn\u2019t take.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mine either, at least at first. I went willingly to the airport because I had nowhere else to go, but after several days in treatment I was a mess.<\/p>\n
All I kept hearing about was a spiritual solution to my human problem, a new way of living that would put my life on a different footing, if only I could find a way to turn my life over to a power greater than myself. Seriously? I was supposed to believe there was someone out there looking out for me?<\/p>\n
C\u2019mon. If there was an almighty anything in charge, he was doing a pretty lousy job. So day after day I filled the pages of my workbook where I was supposed to write my feelings with one word: HOPELESS .<\/p>\n
One day my counselor came into my room. \u201cI know you don\u2019t believe in anything, let alone a God who is personal to you, Andrew. I get that. But you better find something you can <\/em>believe in or we\u2019re just wasting each other\u2019s time here.\u201d Then he turned and left.<\/p>\nWere they going to kick me out? I was in Minnesota in the middle of winter! I didn\u2019t have any place to go. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with a terrifying sense of desperation, of utter separation from the world, of complete isolation.<\/p>\n
Once again the rules had been laid out. Find a Higher Power, and you will get well. And once again I knew that the solution to the problem would elude me.<\/p>\n
I walked outside and stared up at a tree near the building, its skeletal branches stretching toward the sky. \u201cIf you\u2019re out there, you\u2019re going to have to show me something,\u201d I said, looking up, begging. \u201cI need to know I can really do this. That you\u2019ll be there for me. You have to show me something, anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was from New York. I needed something real, like a burning bush.<\/p>\n
But all I heard was the freezing wind whistling through the branches.<\/p>\n
I went inside. It was dinnertime. I sat down next to a guy I recognized from the in-house meetings. I didn\u2019t know him well. He nodded. \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d he said. More like a grunt really. I doubted if he cared.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I said. \u201cThis stuff just doesn\u2019t make sense to me. I mean, I can\u2019t believe…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook,\u201d he interrupted, somewhat rudely, I thought. \u201cRecovery is like a recipe. There\u2019s the twelve steps, there\u2019s God and there\u2019s you. Put them together and maybe you can stay sober.\u201d<\/p>\n
I explained I didn\u2019t know how to find God, and he told me about the promises of the 12 Steps. That by following Good Orderly Direction and the wisdom of the sober community I would come to believe. I didn\u2019t need to believe at that moment, I just needed to believe in a future where I would.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know if I should feel insulted or enlightened. There was a recipe. I could understand that. A phrase I\u2019d heard over and over, \u201cKeep it simple,\u201d finally made sense. Read the instructions and follow the recipe. Stop fighting it. It all came together in an instant.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Jimmy,\u201d I said. \u201cI didn\u2019t get a burning bush. I got a grumpy dude who finally got through to me by saying the thing I needed most at the exact moment I needed to hear it. It saved my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my arm around Jimmy. His eyes turned to the pictures of his family. \u201cThey haven\u2019t forgotten you,\u201d I said. \u201cThey\u2019re just waiting. Don\u2019t give up. It gets better. Way better. Even if you can\u2019t imagine how.\u201d<\/p>\n
We walked back to the common room together. \u201cThanks,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m grateful that you came by. I was a soldier once. I\u2019m not going to give up.\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know what happened to Jimmy. I haven\u2019t seen him since, though I pray often for him. I am grateful every time I can share my story with another addict or alcoholic.<\/p>\n
I am grateful to have my life back and for the friends and family who never gave up on me, for a God who was there when I was ready to find him. I am grateful for so much, that every day, one day at a time, is Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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