{"id":21731,"date":"2026-03-11T11:40:50","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T11:40:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/hope-and-faith-in-intensive-care\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:12:48","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:12:48","slug":"hope-and-faith-in-intensive-care","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/healing\/hope-and-faith-in-intensive-care\/","title":{"rendered":"Hope and Faith in Intensive Care"},"content":{"rendered":"

The thing that scared me most was the anesthesia. The fear was so overwhelming I couldn\u2019t sleep the night before my surgery. I lay there in my room on the cardiac ward with the lights off, trying not to keep checking the clock on the wall. But I couldn\u2019t help it. Every time I looked, only a minute or two had gone by. It seemed like morning would never come. I could accept that a surgeon would do the repair work my heart needed, but being \u201cput under\u201d? That sounded unsettling, close to being \u201cput down,\u201d what you\u2019d do for a pet that was beyond help. Too close to death.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not normally a fearful person. I feel comfortable with doctors and listen to their medical wisdom with a combination of awe and trust. That my heart had a valve defect was information I\u2019d known for decades. Every year I\u2019d go to my cardiologist, get my heart checked out, sit and chat about exercise and cholesterol levels\u2014neither of which was ever a problem for me. I listened to the doctor explain that there was a weakness in the walls of my aorta and someday this could cause trouble. Someday, in my mind, was far off. People who had heart surgery, well, weren\u2019t they usually\u2026older? Members of the \u201czipper club\u201d like my father, showing off their chest scars at the swimming pool.<\/p>\n

Read More: Rick’s Favorite Bible Verses to Overcome Fear<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

I always performed well on cardiac stress tests and was confident\u2014perhaps overconfident\u2014of my health. But then I did all those things you\u2019re supposed to do. I ran, went to the gym, ate well, slept well, had regular physicals. And I took care of my spiritual health. I\u2019m active in my church, sing in the choir, teach a rambunctious bunch of kids in Sunday school and make prayer a part of daily life. I trusted the doctors to keep an eye on my body and God to watch out for my soul. It seemed like the perfect division of labor. Until now.<\/p>\n

At my last visit with my cardiologist there\u2019d been nothing alarming. Then I had a CT-scan for another doctor\u2014she was worried about a cough I had. On a picture-perfect autumn Saturday, I jogged the 15 blocks from our apartment in upper Manhattan to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, had the scan and jogged home. I felt great. But a couple days later the doctor called me back. \u201cYour lungs look fine,\u201d she said, \u201cbut that aneurysm in your aorta is really big. You\u2019d better talk to your cardiologist about it. Right away.\u201d An aneurysm? I felt a prickle of fear. Didn\u2019t people die from ruptured aneurysms?<\/p>\n

My cardiologist saw me right away. He tapped his pencil on his desk and pointed out the aorta in a large model of the heart. \u201cYou\u2019ll need to have open-heart surgery,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

The fear came over me like a cold wind. Open-heart surgery would be a huge ordeal. I\u2019d be under anesthesia for hours, lying on a table in the operating room. The idea of it gave me the creeps. A machine would take over for my heart and lungs. I wouldn\u2019t even be breathing on my own. \u201cIsn\u2019t there some less invasive way of doing this?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he said simply.<\/p>\n

I headed back to work. On the subway I took out my pocket Bible, a green volume I picked up years ago, now so battered I\u2019d taped it together. I turned to the Psalms as I do every morning on my commute and tried to pray. But nothing would come. The rhythm of the cars careening along the track, the usual background for my spiritual ritual, jarred me and cranked up my fears. All I could think of was being in that operating room, unconscious, cut off from the world, cut off from God.<\/p>\n

I called my old college roommate Jim. He and I have prayed each other through tons of situations over the years. We\u2019re godparents to each others\u2019 kids. \u201cIt looks like I\u2019m going to have to have open-heart surgery.\u201d I filled him in.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll keep you in our prayers,\u201d he said before hanging up.<\/p>\n

The news that I needed surgery traveled fast. My wife, Carol, e-mailed family and friends and more friends e-mailed back, asking to be put on her list for updates. Her collection of e-mail addresses started to look like a Christmas card list that had gone haywire. We heard from people we hadn\u2019t seen in years, friends from college and high school, parents from our boys\u2019 kindergarten days.<\/p>\n

Two days before the operation, we met with my surgeon in his office. Still wearing his scrubs, fresh from surgery, he gave us a PowerPoint presentation on how he\u2019d repair my aorta and replace the defective valve. It was a polished talk, meant to allay my fears. \u201cI do this operation 200 times a year,\u201d he said, \u201cand I\u2019ve never lost a patient.\u201d Of course, that made me think, I could be the first.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the anesthesia that worries me,\u201d I admitted. \u201cAll those hours that I\u2019ll be out of it. It makes me panicky.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTalk to the anesthesiologist before surgery,\u201d he said. \u201cThe drugs they use these days are very good. There\u2019s no reason to worry.\u201d But to be told a fear is irrational doesn\u2019t make it go away. I couldn\u2019t get out of my head the image of me with a machine pumping my blood and breathing for me, my mind dead to the world.<\/p>\n

I checked into the hospital and got prepped for surgery, my chest shaved and marked as though my heart was a bull\u2019s-eye. Carol brought me a big salad for dinner and the nurses were in and out of my room, checking my blood pressure, monitoring my heart. But then they all left.<\/p>\n

I lay there in the cardiac ward feeling very much alone, unable to sleep, unable to pray. In my daily meditation I often recite an ancient prayer: \u201cJesus Christ, have mercy on me. Rescue me and save me. Let thy will be done in my life.\u201d That night I tried saying those words, but I felt no sense of spiritual connection. All I felt was fear.<\/p>\n

Carol came by in the morning with a friend who promised to distract both of us. We talked about everything but surgery. All too soon visiting hours were over. Carol kissed me on the forehead and was gone. The nurse came for my things. I took one last look at my Bible and handed it over. Any minute now I\u2019d have to go to the operating room and be put under. I almost didn\u2019t answer the phone when it rang. \u201cHello,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cRick,\u201d came a warm, familiar voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cTibby,\u201d I said. Elizabeth Sherrill and her husband, John, are longtime Guideposts<\/em> contributors and good friends.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are the last person I would ever expect to be in the hospital for heart surgery,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what I thought,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty anxious,\u201d I admitted. \u201cYou know, what I really dread is the anesthesia. It\u2019s like being dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJohn had the same feeling before his knee surgery,\u201d she said. \u201cHe discovered he couldn\u2019t fight it. He had to let go.\u201d Let go. Being out of it during surgery wasn\u2019t something I could control, any more than I could control my fear. But that didn\u2019t mean I was cut off spiritually.<\/p>\n

John and Tibby prayed for me, right there on the phone. I didn\u2019t try to pray with them. I let go and let their words do the work for me. No, I couldn\u2019t pray for myself\u2014not right now and not during the surgery\u2014but I could<\/em> depend on all the people who had promised to pray for me. They would keep me connected to God. Just as a machine would do the work of my heart and lungs, I could trust my friends and family to do the work of my soul.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmen,\u201d Tibby and John said. \u201cAmen,\u201d I echoed. The technicians were at the door with a gurney, ready to take me to the operating room. The surgery went very well. It was long\u2014I didn\u2019t wake up in intensive care until 2:30 a.m.\u2014and the recovery was hard, but I felt cared for every step of the way. Not just by doctors and nurses, but also by clergy, my family, friends and colleagues. I felt sustained by their prayers.<\/p>\n

A year later I\u2019m in good health again. I run, go to the gym, eat carefully and read a few psalms from my battered Bible every morning. And whenever someone says, \u201cKeep me in your prayers,\u201d I take the request very seriously. Prayer can be hard. Sometimes just trying to pray is enough. And sometimes you have to let go and trust others to do it for you.<\/p>\n

Download our FREE prayer ebook<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The thing that scared me most was the anesthesia. The fear was so overwhelming I couldn\u2019t sleep the night before my surgery. I lay there in my room on the cardiac ward with the lights off, trying not to keep checking the clock on the wall. But I couldn\u2019t help it. Every time I looked, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":29516,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[246,341],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[476],"class_list":["post-21731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healing","category-living-longer-living-better"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHope and Faith in Intensive Care - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Hope and Faith in Intensive Care\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The thing that scared me most was the anesthesia. 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