{"id":21772,"date":"2026-03-11T11:45:48","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T11:45:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/how-could-she-best-care-for-her-widowed-father-during-the-pandemic\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:12:53","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:12:53","slug":"how-could-she-best-care-for-her-widowed-father-during-the-pandemic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/aging-parents\/how-could-she-best-care-for-her-widowed-father-during-the-pandemic\/","title":{"rendered":"How Could She Best Care for Her Widowed Father During the Pandemic?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019d been imagining this moment for months. Finally it was here. The big reveal. \u201cDad, you are going to love <\/em>this,\u201d I said, swinging open the door to the in-law suite we had spent the winter building off our garage. \u201cSurprise!\u201d<\/p>\n

My husband, Jeff, had put down new carpet in the sitting area. The walls gleamed with fresh paint. My college-age daughter, Jess, had added some big potted houseplants. There was a desk for Dad to write at and a comfy leather armchair and matching footstool where he could read his Bible. Perfect!<\/p>\n

It was March 2019, and I\u2019d flown to Florida days earlier to help Dad drive home to Indiana after his two-month winter vacation. At 93, he wasn\u2019t as comfortable driving long distances anymore, and I was happy for the time together.<\/p>\n

Somehow I had managed to keep the secret to myself all those hours in the car. It went back to the promise I\u2019d made to Mom<\/a> just before she died eight months earlier. \u201cIt will be okay. You can go now,\u201d I\u2019d whispered. \u201cI\u2019ll take care of Dad.\u201d Mom\u2019s eyes had met mine, and I knew she understood. God had given me the chance to help Mom pass peacefully. In a way, I felt I owed it to him as much as her to keep that promise.<\/p>\n

Mom and Dad lived two hours northeast of us, in Frankfort, Indiana. Dad had been a pastor<\/a> and church district superintendent. He\u2019d built a rich life there. Even retired, he led a Bible study, visited shut-ins, gardened and nurtured the trees he\u2019d planted on his property.<\/p>\n

But life without Mom wouldn\u2019t be the same. They\u2019d been married for nearly 70 years. I didn\u2019t want him trying to do everything on his own. That was the beauty of surprising him with the suite. Once he saw it, he\u2019d be won over. And if he moved in with us, I could really be there for him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think?\u201d I said. Dad took in the collage of family photos I\u2019d hung on the wall above the chair, the wardrobe waiting for his clothes, the framed picture of Mom on the bookcase.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s beautiful,\u201d Dad said. \u201cBut you didn\u2019t do all this for me, did you? The guest room was fine.\u201d His smile didn\u2019t quite reach his eyes. I pushed down a twinge of doubt. It was late, and we were both exhausted from the long drive. \u201cSleep well, Dad,\u201d I said. \u201cWe\u2019ll talk more<\/a> in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

I slipped into bed beside Jeff. \u201cThanks for everything,\u201d I said. \u201cThe suite looks great.\u201d It had taken some doing to talk Jeff into giving up his office for Dad\u2019s suite. Had it been a mistake? Tired as I was, I lay awake worrying. One day last fall, when I was visiting Dad, he\u2019d mentioned the possibility of downsizing. Had I misread what he wanted?<\/p>\n

At breakfast, Dad picked at the bananas in his cereal, quiet. It wasn\u2019t like him. \u201cWas the bed comfortable?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cVery.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re ready to go home, aren\u2019t you?\u201d I forced a smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes!\u201d Dad said, suddenly animated. \u201cI need to see if the old place is still standing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I watched as he closed his suitcase, afraid to bring up the idea of moving here permanently. He\u2019ll be back soon, <\/em>I told myself. Of course he had to go back to Frankfort. He needed to put his house on the market. Say goodbye to his friends.<\/p>\n

I went out to his car with him. \u201cCome back soon,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will,\u201d he said, kissing me on the cheek. \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

A few days later, I called to check on Dad. \u201cWhen can you come again?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s see\u2026. I have Bible study on Wednesday and teach Sunday School<\/a> this week,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m taking a friend to the doctor Tuesday. Then Bible study again.\u201d<\/p>\n

At 93 years old, he had more going on than I did!<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be back soon,\u201d Dad said. \u201cI\u2019m looking forward to relaxing in that addition you built. Right now I need to prune my trees. I\u2019m thinking of digging up the lily bed\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

We said goodbye. If he really liked the suite, why didn\u2019t he want to move in? Why wouldn\u2019t he let me take care of him the way I\u2019d promised Mom?<\/p>\n

Dad came to visit a couple weeks later but only for a few days. He was anxious to get back to his volunteer work, gardening<\/a>, Bible study. A pattern that repeated itself every month.<\/p>\n

At a family gathering that summer to celebrate my nephew\u2019s graduation<\/a>, my brother posed the question I\u2019d been dancing around for months. \u201cDad, why don\u2019t you sell your house and move in with Beth and Jeff?\u201d<\/p>\n

Dad set his fork down on his plate with a clank. \u201cI\u2019m not ready to sell my house yet,\u201d he said, emphasizing each word. \u201cI have a life in Frankfort, people who count on me. My memories of your mom are there. I\u2019m not ready to give that up.\u201d<\/p>\n

I understood how hard this was for him. As much as I missed Mom, Dad must have missed her a thousand times more. Still, I was hurt. All the work we\u2019d put into making that suite for him. I felt as if Dad was saying he didn\u2019t want my help. And there was guilt too\u2014I\u2019d convinced Jeff to spend time and money on a remodeling project<\/a> that wasn\u2019t even necessary. How could something that felt so right turn out so wrong?<\/p>\n

Summer faded into fall and winter. Dad visited every few weeks. There was nothing he needed from me to make his life better, easier, safer. Certainly not his own addition. He was as independent as ever. The one concession he made to age was letting me pick him up in Frankfort and bring him to our house for visits.<\/p>\n

In February 2020, we began hearing about a virus making people sick on the East and West Coasts, especially among the elderly. It seemed a world away from rural Indiana. Week by week, we watched Covid-19 creep closer<\/a>, not realizing it had already reached the heartland, long before test results confirmed there was no safe haven.<\/p>\n

In late March, the governor announced that Indiana was going into lockdown. Jess was sent home from college. It felt as if we were under siege, everything uncertain: how long we\u2019d have to shelter in place, whether we\u2019d be able to avoid infection, the availability of food\u2014toilet paper even.<\/p>\n

I called Dad and told him I was coming to get him before the lockdown order went into effect. He didn\u2019t argue. We packed up his clothes, emptied his fridge and grabbed every roll of toilet paper in his house.<\/p>\n

Back at our place, we settled into living together. It wasn\u2019t like Dad\u2019s other visits, when he never seemed quite at home. He was more relaxed, more a part of the rhythms of our family. I was more comfortable too. The question of where Dad should live no longer seemed important. Every minute felt as if it was meant to be treasured.<\/p>\n

The suite gave Dad a place he could be on his own to read his Bible<\/a> or call his friends, yet still offered closeness to family and shelter from the threat of the virus. A need only God could have foreseen.<\/p>\n

I got Dad reminiscing about his childhood and recorded his memories. Jess listened, rapt. The two of them bonded on their own. Dad would tease Jess about her preference for chicken over any other meat. Jess learned the exact amount of mayonnaise to make the chicken sandwiches<\/a> that Dad pronounced sheer perfection.<\/p>\n

As the weather warmed, Dad took to working in the yard. He pulled weeds, cleaned my tools and spread gravel around the tool shed.<\/p>\n

One afternoon, Dad stuck his head in the door and said, \u201cThere\u2019s a really nice hawthorn sapling<\/a> that\u2019s out of line with the rest of your trees. Would you like me to transplant it for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d I said. He strode off with the energy of a man half his age. \u201cWait,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019ll help.\u201d<\/p>\n

By the time I caught up to him, he was already digging around the tree. What he called a sapling was taller than his six-foot frame.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me take a turn,\u201d I said. He handed me the shovel and told me where to dig. \u201cWatch out for the roots,\u201d he said. For the next hour, we took turns digging and resting until finally we were able to wiggle the roots free.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere do you want to plant it?\u201d Dad said, holding the tree in one hand and the shovel in the other. I leaned against the shed, exhausted.<\/p>\n

I pointed to two gingko trees he had given me the summer before. A half hour later, we were lugging buckets of water to help the hawthorn get off to a good start in its new home. Dad found some chicken wire and poles in the shed for staking the tree.<\/p>\n

I thought of the promise I\u2019d made to Mom. I\u2019d imagined cooking for Dad and doing his laundry, giving him a well-earned rest after his years of service. Yet here he was doing things for me!<\/p>\n

Living together under lockdown had reminded me of something deeper. God had shown me that the heart of caregiving<\/a> was connection. It wasn\u2019t about what you wanted or hoped to do for the other person; it was about understanding what they needed. We\u2019d been there for each other, and I knew that would continue even when Dad returned home.<\/p>\n

After six weeks, lockdown ended. Dad was eager to get back to his own yard, telling us what he\u2019d plant in his garden. Jess offered to drive him home. Saying goodbye was bittersweet. I hugged him close. \u201cI love you,\u201d I said as his arms tightened around me. What Dad needed most wasn\u2019t in my house. It was in my heart.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019d been imagining this moment for months. Finally it was here. The big reveal. \u201cDad, you are going to love this,\u201d I said, swinging open the door to the in-law suite we had spent the winter building off our garage. \u201cSurprise!\u201d My husband, Jeff, had put down new carpet in the sitting area. 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