{"id":21812,"date":"2026-03-11T11:50:45","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T11:50:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/how-her-sobriety-changed-the-family-christmas\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:12:58","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:12:58","slug":"how-her-sobriety-changed-the-family-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/how-her-sobriety-changed-the-family-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"How Her Sobriety Changed the Family Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"

When you\u2019re a recovering alcoholic single mom with no job, no money, no house of your own and only partial custody of your kids, the beloved Christmas song has it all wrong.\u00a0Christmas\u00a0isn\u2019t\u00a0<\/em>the most wonderful time of the year.<\/p>\n

I was an active alcoholic for more than 15 years. I\u2019d started drinking in high school. At first, alcohol transformed me from an average, overlooked youngest-of-five into someone daring, funny and popular.\u00a0For about a decade I kept my drinking under control enough to graduate college, get married, have kids and make a living, but eventually the alcohol took over.<\/p>\n

By the end I was drinking vodka<\/a> around the clock. I had gotten two DUIs, detoxed in the hospital multiple times and burned through a marriage. I couldn\u2019t even hold down a job.\u00a0I did all of this as a mom to three wonderful kids. I was crippled by guilt. But ruled by my disease, I drank anyway. My shame was most painful at Christmas.<\/p>\n

My ex-husband, Brian, had primary custody of the kids because of my drinking. Every other year I\u2019d have them for Christmas Eve or morning, then Brian and I would make sure everyone made it to church<\/a> and grandparents\u2019 houses.\u00a0I managed to mess up even this. I\u2019d be late, forget stuff, pass out, try to hide what was glaringly obvious. Every year my vow to stay sober would crumble.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d compensate with gifts. I\u2019d max out credit cards, cajole friends and relatives into \u201cloaning\u201d me money and buy the kids stuff they didn\u2019t need. Some years I\u2019d start stressing about the holidays in February.\u00a0Everything would depend on that one moment, when the kids tore through the big pile of gifts. Their excitement would mean they loved me. That I was a good mom after all.<\/p>\n

I thought all of that would change when I finally got sober five years ago. I expected sobriety to make all my Christmas problems vanish. But it was more complicated than that.\u00a0The last Christmas before I got sober was the worst one of all.\u00a0Two months before the holiday, I was in detox again. The facility told me a bed had become available at a well-respected local rehab program, which required a six-month commitment. It would mean missing the kids\u2019 birthdays. And Christmas.<\/p>\n

\u201cShould I do it?\u201d I asked everyone.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t, you\u2019ll be back in the hospital, in jail or dead,\u201d my brother-in-law said. He was one of the few members of my family unafraid to tell me the truth.<\/p>\n

Everyone else tiptoed around my drinking. \u201cTry quitting on your own,\u201d they said. \u201cYou need to be there for the kids.\u201d\u00a0Which was of course what I wanted to hear. I\u2019d sober up\u2014well,\u00a0manage\u00a0<\/em>my drinking\u2014through the holidays,\u00a0then\u00a0<\/em>think about rehab. It was my year to host Christmas morning. How could I let the kids down?<\/p>\n

Once again I maxed out credit cards and pestered everyone for money. I bought a tree for the apartment (mostly paid for by my parents) and piled up the presents.\u00a0I was already drinking before Brian showed up with the kids on Christmas morning<\/a>. Molly, the oldest, was 10. Nora was six. Emmet was three.<\/p>\n

Nora and Emmet were too young to know about my disease. But Molly knew more than enough. She\u2019d seen me passed out. Suffered through my chronic unreliability. I tried to pretend otherwise, but deep down I knew she was wounded every time I drank.\u00a0Still, gifts were gifts. Molly joined her brother and sister tearing through presents. I was relieved to see Brian pull up outside to take us all to church and my parents\u2019 house.<\/p>\n

The rest of the day was a blur. By the time Brian took the kids home and I\u00a0returned to the apartment I was somewhere between drunk and hungover.<\/p>\n

I opened the door and stepped inside. Wrapping paper, ribbons and boxes were scattered around the living room. For a moment I thought someone had broken in.\u00a0Then I remembered. The kids had opened presents that morning and we hadn\u2019t cleaned up.\u00a0Christmas morning with the kids had been my excuse to avoid rehab\u2014and now I had only the vaguest memory of any of it.\u00a0Two months later, I was in the rehab I\u2019d rejected in the fall.<\/p>\n

The following Christmas, I had 10 months of sobriety under my belt. I was\u00a0determined to make up for every holiday\u00a0I\u2019d ruined.\u00a0One problem: The holidays are a minefield for a recovering alcoholic.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe careful,\u201d Alcoholics Anonymous<\/a> veterans warned at meetings, telling stories of throwing away years of sobriety in a careless moment at a Christmas party.<\/p>\n

I was a nervous wreck. Plus, I was still broke and I\u2019d moved in with my parents after getting out of rehab.\u00a0I\u2019d decided I wouldn\u2019t manipulate\u00a0people into giving me money this time, so instead I opened a bunch of new credit card accounts and ran them up buying enough gifts to show the kids what a good mom\u00a0I was now that I was sober.<\/p>\n

They sort of liked the gifts. Molly spent Christmas Eve<\/a> eyeing me warily. I could\u00a0tell she was searching for signs that I\u00a0was drinking.\u00a0The holiday ended with me feeling deeply let down\u2014and equally deep in debt.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t buy your kids\u2019 trust,\u201d my AA sponsor told me. \u201cGive it time. If you stay sober, it will happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wanted to believe that. But it was hard to be patient in the day-to-day of parenting.\u00a0Molly remained wary of me. Sometimes she\u2019d bring up memories of the old days, and I\u2019d have to fight the urge to argue, \u201cI\u2019m sober now! Please forget all that.\u201d\u00a0Ignoring my sponsor, I kept turning to money.<\/p>\n

Kids upset? Spring for a trip to the trampoline park. Tired and stressed<\/a>? \u201cLet\u2019s go out to dinner!\u201d Christmas coming? Max out those credit cards again.\u00a0Then it came time for me to work through AA\u2019s ninth step: making amends.\u00a0The hardest of all was Molly. How could I begin?<\/p>\n

\u201cJust be honest,\u201d my sponsor said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry for everything I did,\u201d I told Molly, echoing words my sponsor had suggested. \u201cI\u2019m trying my best to stay sober and be a good mom to you and Nora and Emmet. I want to earn your trust.\u201d<\/p>\n

A single conversation can\u2019t repair years of damage. But after opening up to Molly,\u00a0I noticed her opening up a little to me too.\u00a0She got a good grade on a test and I was the first person she called. She\u2019d still bring up incidents from when I was drinking, but she\u2019d add, \u201cI\u2019m glad you don\u2019t do that anymore, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n

That Christmas I was less stressed because I was more confident in my sobriety<\/a>. I still bought too many gifts.\u00a0But it began to dawn on me that even more fun than the gifts was the time we spent together\u2014cooking, decorating and baking cookies for Santa.\u00a0Each year the holiday got a little better. Bit by bit the kids\u2014and everyone else in my family\u2014trusted me more.\u00a0Brian and I settled into a good Christmas rhythm. The kids and I established our own traditions.<\/p>\n

Last year I rented a house on my own with money saved from my job as an admissions office manager at a private school. The kids helped me move in on a hot August day.\u00a0As Christmas approached, I got excited about celebrating in our new home.<\/p>\n

Over the previous year, mindful of paying rent, I\u2019d tried saying no more often\u2014as in, not rushing out to buy whatever the kids had asked for because I was afraid they wouldn\u2019t love me otherwise.\u00a0The kids were actually happier.\u00a0Somehow, more structure equaled less stress. I decided to try approaching Christmas the same way.<\/p>\n

Instead of armloads of presents, I bought each kid one gift they really wanted plus a few fun things.\u00a0I got a skateboard for Emmet, a little camera for Nora and a cell phone for Molly, who was now 15.<\/p>\n

The kids and I bought a tree at a tree farm and put up ornaments. We decorated the house and hung stockings<\/a> from the banister going upstairs from the living room. I took the kids to see Santa at the mall\u2014they were kind of old for that, but they loved it anyway. We baked cookies on Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n

There were noticeably fewer gifts under the tree. But the kids were so thrilled with their big gifts, they didn\u2019t seem to notice.\u00a0I, however, noticed everything.\u00a0The crisp weather. The glow of lights from our tree. The quiet house when everyone had gone to bed. The excited chatter of opening gifts contrasted with the delicious laziness of staying in pajamas all morning long.\u00a0I noticed it because I was sober.\u00a0No crushing credit card bills loomed. No guilt shadowed my heart. It was a day of love and pure celebration.<\/p>\n

This is why people like Christmas so much!\u00a0<\/em>I thought.\u00a0It was a revelation.\u00a0So do I agree with the Christmas song now?\u00a0Sort of.\u00a0Don\u2019t get me wrong. I love the holidays. But I love the rest of the year too.\u00a0My sobriety is a gift that renews itself one day at a time.\u00a0My kids\u2019 love and trust continues to grow.\u00a0The God we celebrate at Christmas provides a life I could only dream about when I was drinking.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all wonderful.\u00a0At Christmas and always.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When you\u2019re a recovering alcoholic single mom with no job, no money, no house of your own and only partial custody of your kids, the beloved Christmas song has it all wrong.\u00a0Christmas\u00a0isn\u2019t\u00a0the most wonderful time of the year. I was an active alcoholic for more than 15 years. I\u2019d started drinking in high school. At […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":29556,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[193],"tags":[194,24,25,40,196],"ppma_author":[995],"class_list":["post-21812","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction-and-recovery","tag-addiction","tag-christmas","tag-family","tag-holidays","tag-recovery"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow Her Sobriety Changed the Family Christmas - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Her Sobriety Changed the Family Christmas\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When you\u2019re a recovering alcoholic single mom with no job, no money, no house of your own and only partial custody of your kids, the beloved Christmas song has it all wrong.\u00a0Christmas\u00a0isn\u2019t\u00a0the most wonderful time of the year. 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