{"id":22218,"date":"2026-03-11T12:36:20","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T12:36:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/meeting-your-moms-needs-on-mothers-day-when-she-has-memory-loss\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:13:46","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:13:46","slug":"meeting-your-moms-needs-on-mothers-day-when-she-has-memory-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/aging-parents\/meeting-your-moms-needs-on-mothers-day-when-she-has-memory-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Meeting Your Mom\u2019s Needs on Mother\u2019s Day When She Has Memory Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"

Who is your mom and what makes her happy? Any good Mother\u2019s Day plan involves these questions.<\/p>\n

But when your mom has Alzheimer\u2019s, it can be no small challenge to come up with answers. Still, it\u2019s crucial to consider these questions\u2014and to open yourself to very real and present-day answers\u2014in order to give your mom a Mother\u2019s Day celebration that truly meets her needs, according to a physician who walked the walk with her own mom.<\/p>\n

\u201cAsk yourself, \u2018Who is she?\u2019 I don\u2019t want to say, \u2018Who was she?\u2019 but, \u2018Who is she?\u2019 said Dr. Cheryl Woodson<\/a>, a geriatrician, eldercare consultant, speaker and author who navigated her mother\u2019s 10-year journey with Alzheimer\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\u201cInside there somewhere is that same person. Somebody who wasn\u2019t a big party person, or only wanted a couple of her really close friends around, is not going to become one because you want to do that,\u201d Dr. Woodson said. \u201cSo, you want to connect with what she might enjoy, not something you wish she could enjoy today. But, even if what you used to plan some was some huge, chaotic dinner, you can\u2019t do that. You can\u2019t bring her into your world. You have to go into her world.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Woodson shared the following tips to help plan the best Mother\u2019s Day possible for a mother who lives with memory loss:<\/p>\n

Pare down<\/strong>
\n\u201cIf you\u2019re trying to do something big that\u2019s unfamiliar to her, ask yourself who you\u2019re doing it for. Are you doing it for her or are you doing it to try to revise history and make things the way they were? Because they\u2019re not. Do a small something in her own environment. Try to keep the spirit of the holiday without the details. The idea is to bring the love around that person without stressing their capabilities and then disappointing yourself. You can still do the big hats, if that was something that was important to her, or flowers or certain foods you made, but make it realistic for what her level of ability is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Keep it familiar<\/strong>
\n\u201cPeople with dementia can get agitated when things are unfamiliar because what their brain is saying is, \u2018I don\u2019t understand what this is. I want to be where I understand what this is, and that\u2019s home.\u2019 Go very small and very simple. So, maybe you have a few people on Saturday and another few people on Sunday. If these relationships are on-going and she sees these people all the time, that won\u2019t be a problem. Now, in the days of Zoom and videos, it may be better to film greetings, and then you show as much of it as that person can tolerate. You can put a pause on and play it again or play it later, so that she doesn\u2019t get overwhelmed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Expect the unexpected<\/strong>
\n\u201cYou have to be flexible because what if she doesn\u2019t want to get dressed that day? It\u2019s okay. And you don\u2019t want to try to force relationship if it\u2019s agitating her. Have somebody to maybe go into another room with Mom and watch her favorite soap opera or her game show, or whatever. There needs to be somebody available who\u2019s there not to be part of the celebration if she needs it, and that doesn\u2019t have to be the caregiver. That may be a day, if you have the resources, to hire somebody.\u201d<\/p>\n

Make gifts about her<\/strong>
\n\u201cAre the gifts important to you or are they important to her? I would do sensory things rather than \u2018stuff\u2019. When my mother didn\u2019t know who she was, if you put on music, she could dance\u2014you know, big band swing era. Did your mother enjoy music? Did your mother enjoy art? Is your mother\u2019s favorite movie Casablanca?\u201d<\/p>\n

Put aside time for yourself<\/strong>
\n\u201cThis is the time, I think, to circle your wagons. Do not be afraid to tell your kids what you need from them. Maybe you can have your Mother\u2019s Day on a different day, like the Sunday before or the Saturday after, so that you\u2019re not competing with your mom, or you\u2019re not focused so much on making her Mother\u2019s Day perfect that you ruin yours.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou also need to plan regular respite for yourself. Don\u2019t wait until your tongue is hanging out. Plan something for yourself so you have something to look forward to. Whether you hire a respite worker or convince one of your family members to give you an afternoon off, it has to be regular\u2014next Thursday I\u2019m going to go get my nails done, or whatever. Area Agencies on Aging<\/a> are a good resource for support. Churches and many other houses of worship have also stepped into this with caregiver and wellness ministries, where you may be able to have somebody who will sit with your loved one for an evening or afternoon so that you can go to a movie with one of your friends. Not somebody who\u2019s going to do dressing changes or pass medications, but someone who will be there to share a meal. You will be a much better caregiver if you put yourself up on your to-do list a little higher.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let yourself grieve<\/strong>
\n\u201cAny loss, any change in routine is a grieving. Acknowledge that for yourself\u2014this hurts. Have support with that, whether it is a pastor or a counselor or a good friend or someplace safe where you can talk about how badly this bothers you. And then you go on and do it. It\u2019s okay to say that this is hard and it\u2019s not the way that you want it to be. It\u2019s not okay to try to make it be what it was. That\u2019s not good for you, that\u2019s not good for her. On Mother\u2019s Day, if she liked flowers, bring flowers. But don\u2019t be upset if she doesn\u2019t recognize what flowers are. It\u2019s not a rejection of you. Her brain is broken. It\u2019s like, \u2018Woops! Okay, plan B. Next.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Who is your mom and what makes her happy? Any good Mother\u2019s Day plan involves these questions. But when your mom has Alzheimer\u2019s, it can be no small challenge to come up with answers. Still, it\u2019s crucial to consider these questions\u2014and to open yourself to very real and present-day answers\u2014in order to give your mom […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":29754,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[381],"tags":[47,243,210,177,178,11,70,271],"ppma_author":[762],"class_list":["post-22218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aging-parents","tag-aging","tag-alzheimers","tag-caregiving","tag-coronavirus","tag-covid-inspiration","tag-helping-others","tag-mother","tag-mothers-day"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMeeting Your Mom\u2019s Needs on Mother\u2019s Day When She Has Memory Loss - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Meeting Your Mom\u2019s Needs on Mother\u2019s Day When She Has Memory Loss\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Who is your mom and what makes her happy? 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