I never thought I would be a single mother. I\u2019d witnessed the many hardships my mother endured to raise me and my twin sister on her own. Seeing how demanding single motherhood could be, when it was my time to choose a spouse, I asked myself: is the person I\u2019m going to marry capable of being a good father? Would he be there for our children?<\/p>\n
I thought I married the man of my dreams, a man that would be an incredible father. The truth is, I endured three years of physical and emotional abuse. One weekend, he physically abused me while I was pregnant with our first child, and I had to leave. Hurt, embarrassed, confused and incredibly uncertain about my future, my entire life changed in just a few days. I had to start my life over again\u2014pregnant and alone.<\/p>\n
My pregnancy should have been full of happiness and joy, but it was tough and even unpleasant given my circumstances. Appointments with my OB, which should\u2019ve focused on enjoying my child\u2019s sonogram, were spent discussing how to manage neck and back pain from years of abuse, and planning maternity leave wisely, since I was now going to be the primary breadwinner.<\/p>\n
Given the legal implications of my separation, instead of decorating a baby room, I also had to take on learning things like how to file subpoenas to keep a restraining order in place after it had been appealed. My life was complex and I felt lonely\u2014in addition to losing my husband of 3 years, I felt alone, because no one was going through what I was going through. They couldn\u2019t possibly understand my pain. <\/p>\n
When my mom, sister and friends all tried to take me maternity shopping, I would end up crying and leaving the mall. It just wasn\u2019t how I imagined this period of my life would be. The loneliness turned to anxiety which led me to also question God\u2014 Don\u2019t you hear me crying? Why are things happening this way? Why can\u2019t I escape these feelings? Will I feel alone forever?<\/em><\/p>\n Then, something remarkable happened.<\/p>\n My anxiety began to turn into hope and gratitude. Over time, my family, colleagues, doctors and friends helped me get excited over my baby\u2019s arrival and my relationships rocketed to another level. I\u2019d come to work and find that my boss had left magnets with inspirational quotes on them on my desk. I\u2019d open my mail and get surprises from my best friend\u2014thoughtful books and baby items\u2014and I started to see joy. And when I walked through the maternity ward in my final trimester, watching other pregnant happy women holding hands with their significant others, my mom was by my side, holding mine, and I felt incredibly loved.<\/p>\n In all the hurt, sadness and disappointment, God still had a plan for me that was good. After the devastating loss of my marriage, I became closer than ever with my friends and family. I\u2019ve grown so much in my career and I\u2019ve been empowered to take on new challenges and become even more of the woman God created me to be. <\/p>\n My life didn\u2019t turn out the way I desired or dreamed, but the truth is, I\u2019m not alone and I\u2019ve never truly been alone. Through every heartache, God surrounded me and filled me up with love. That same love I now pour out onto my beautiful daughter, the greatest gift I\u2019ve ever been entrusted with, and the greatest reminder that God not only hears your prayers, but is also always there.<\/p>\n The feeling of being alone can arise from time to time, but now I know that loneliness is just a phantom of my expectations\u2014desired outcomes set to timelines I created myself. But God doesn\u2019t work on my timeline. Now, when I\u2019m feeling lonely, I ask God to show Himself to me, in every blessing, in every kindness, in every bit of warmth and love around me. I lean on my faith that God\u2019s plan for me is active and working. Even when I can\u2019t see it or feel it, I rest on the faith that God is always by my side.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I never thought I would be a single mother. I\u2019d witnessed the many hardships my mother endured to raise me and my twin sister on her own. Seeing how demanding single motherhood could be, when it was my time to choose a spouse, I asked myself: is the person I\u2019m going to marry capable of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":79,"featured_media":29805,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[377],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[736],"class_list":["post-22321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-and-mental-health"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n