Fear. It can hit when you least expect it. When everything in your life is going great, when your dreams are being fulfilled, when you\u2019ve become what you had hoped to become, even when you\u2019re a person of faith and used to calling on that faith and leaning on it.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s what happened to me not long ago. Even though I chose the notoriously difficult profession of acting, I\u2019d been fortunate in my career. I was cast in a professional production right out of college. Since then I\u2019d had roles in a Broadway play, television and movies.<\/p>\n
At last I\u2019d landed a regular recurring role on one of America\u2019s most popular TV series, Grey\u2019s Anatomy, <\/em>and my husband, Peter, and I, after 10 years of marriage, were expecting our first child. I should have been on top of the world.<\/p>\n ENJOY THESE GUIDEPOSTS BOOKS FOR FATHERS<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t. My marriage was solid, I loved my job, but I was terrified, absolutely terrified, by the prospect of parenthood. What if I turned out to be an awful mom? It would be hard\u2013if not impossible\u2013to live up to the example set by my own parents.<\/p>\n What was I thinking, bringing an innocent child into this world where so much is broken? What if I couldn\u2019t cope with losing my freedom? Being a parent means being responsible for another life. All my worries might have been irrational, but the fear was real. And it was crushing me.<\/p>\n My character on Grey\u2019s Anatomy, <\/em>April Kepner, and I have one big thing in common: We both take our faith very seriously. We pray, we read the Bible, we try to live our beliefs.<\/p>\n For me there\u2019s also a personal side to it. My dad is a Presbyterian minister, and when I really need help, when I\u2019m struggling, I turn to him. I have since childhood.<\/p>\n Forget those clich\u00e9s of the wild, rebellious preacher\u2019s kid. My brother and I weren\u2019t like that, and I give the credit to our parents.<\/p>\n You\u2019re in a fishbowl when you\u2019re sitting in the pew and your dad\u2019s in the pulpit, but our parents never force-fed us religion. They let us find our own way to God. It wasn\u2019t the sermons Dad preached that made the difference. It was how he lived them.<\/p>\n If it hadn\u2019t been for him and Mom showing me how much they loved me, I wouldn\u2019t have made it through elementary school. Dad was serving a church on Long Island then. I went to a couple of different schools, but in every place, the same thing happened: I just couldn\u2019t make friends.<\/p>\n I wanted so badly to be liked. But my desperation, combined with my awkwardness, was the kiss of death in the schoolyard.<\/p>\n Sometimes mean girls picked on me. More often, I was left out, ignored, as if I weren\u2019t worthy of interest, which is its own particular kind of loneliness. The sad thing was, I was intensely aware of social interactions.<\/p>\n In fourth grade, Mom, who\u2019s a science teacher, tried to get me to learn to take good notes in class. My notes had nothing to do with what the teacher said. They were all about my classmates\u2013who sat together, what they talked about, which girls seemed closer, which ones had a falling out.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Our family had a New Year\u2019s tradition of each writing a letter to God. We\u2019d thank him for everything he\u2019d given us the year before and ask his help with whatever we were worried about in the year to come. Every year my letter ended with the same prayer: Dear Lord, please send me a friend. Just one.<\/em><\/p>\n The only time I felt good about myself was onstage. I don\u2019t even remember when I started acting, but I\u2019ll never forget how incredible it felt to be acting a role, no matter how small, in a school play. I did community theater too.<\/p>\n Onstage I wasn\u2019t the girl with no friends, stuck on the outside looking in. I could be someone totally different. Someone in the center of the action. Someone brave and joyous and free.<\/p>\n Like Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire <\/em>(a favorite movie in our house) when he says, \u201cWhen I run, I feel God\u2019s pleasure.\u201d That\u2019s what acting was for me.<\/p>\n Mom and Dad came to every one of my shows. Even though teaching kept her busy, my mom worked the stage crew in community theater, just to support me. She\u2019s got sweatshirts from every show we did together.<\/p>\n My parents drove hundreds of miles to see me in college plays. I think they sat through my first professional production, Romeo and Juliet, <\/em>at least 15 times, and they brought their friends too. \u201cYou have a God-given gift,\u201d Dad said. \u201cYou need to honor that.\u201d<\/p>\n But I\u2019m getting ahead of myself.<\/p>\n The summer before eighth grade I signed up to go to a Christian sleepaway camp on Martha\u2019s Vineyard. After all my rejections at school, I was gun shy about meeting new people, but this sounded okay because I wasn\u2019t going alone. Dad would be there that first night, preaching to the group.<\/p>\n We dropped off my stuff at the bunkhouse, and everybody went to hear Dad speak. He was good. He knew how to capture a crowd, even a group of teenagers. But then it was time for him to leave. I was petrified about going back to the bunkhouse on my own. All those girls I didn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n \u201cDaddy, don\u2019t leave,\u201d I pleaded, bursting into tears. \u201cI\u2019m going to be so lonely here. It\u2019ll be just like school. What\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d<\/p>\n Dad held me close and then he prayed for me. In that same voice I\u2019d heard pray for the congregation, the sick, the suffering, people in desperate situations, here he was praying just for me. \u201cLord, bring Sarah a friend. Just one friend.\u201d<\/p>\n Wouldn\u2019t you know it? I went back to the bunkhouse and there were two girls sitting by the door. \u201cHey, wanna hang out with us?\u201d they said. We were inseparable during the rest of camp.<\/p>\n For the first time in my life, I had a friend. Not just one, but two. That one sweet week more than made up for the years of hurt that had come before.<\/p>\n I can think of another time Dad showed up when I truly needed him. I was 23, making my Broadway debut in a play called Vincent in Brixton. <\/em>Talk about a fishbowl. It was intimidating sharing the stage with seasoned professionals, having my performance analyzed by critics.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The cast was kind and supportive, but one night after the show we all went out and the topic of my faith came up. \u201cYou really believe all that stuff?\u201d one of the guys asked. I tried to find the right words to explain what God meant to me, but nothing I said came out right.<\/p>\n The next morning I woke up still upset. My parents were in New York City too, Mom heading the science department at a girls\u2019 school, Dad pastoring a church in upper Manhattan. I called him up. I told him about the argument I\u2019d gotten into.<\/p>\n \u201cIs there a Scripture, anything you can give me to encourage me?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n His answer? \u201cLet me cancel my appointments for the day. I\u2019ll come down and see you.\u201d<\/p>\n We spent a couple of hours walking around Times Square, having lunch at a little chicken shack, talking. Well, mostly it was me talking. Dad listened (he\u2019s great at that). On the way back to the theater we ran into the actor who\u2019d challenged me about my faith. I introduced him to Dad.<\/p>\n We chatted a bit, then Dad kissed me on the cheek and left. My castmate asked why my dad had come by. I admitted that I\u2019d called him because I was upset about the night before, and he dropped everything to be with me.<\/p>\n Understanding dawned in my castmate\u2019s eyes, and I knew my dad\u2019s actions demonstrated the power of faith far better than any theology I\u2019d tried to spout.<\/p>\n But now, when I was feeling undone, more terrified than ever because I was taking on the biggest, toughest role of my life\u2013being a mom\u2013Dad couldn\u2019t just hop on a subway and reassure me. I was all the way across the country in L.A.<\/p>\n It was too late to call. I sent him an e-mail explaining how I didn\u2019t want to live trapped in fear. Were there some Bible verses that could help? Was there something I could do to feel more thankful and joyful?<\/p>\n There was an e-mail waiting in my in-box the next morning. Five pages long, with wise advice and passages from Scripture. I\u2019ve referred to it again and again, even passed it along to friends, and I can quote some of Dad\u2019s advice here for you now:<\/p>\n Try to identify clearly what you are fearful of. This is important because there is very little you can do with a generalized fearful frame of mind. But once you identify more precisely what you fear, you will be able to find texts that speak directly to the fear.<\/em><\/p>\n While it is good from time to time to imagine the loss of things that are precious to you, it is not good to dwell there. God will give you what you need when you need it, not before. Practice aggressive thanksgiving for what you actually have now. <\/em><\/p>\n The losses you fear may never come, so what\u2019s the point in thinking about them? Rather than letting fears about a future you cannot control fill your mind, aggressively fill it with thanksgiving and good things.<\/em><\/p>\n Dad urged me to pick a few of the verses that spoke to me and memorize them. Repeat them when the anxiety set in, even sing them.<\/p>\n Like everything Dad has given me, it has proven to be very practical advice grounded in spiritual wisdom, and \u201caggressive thanksgiving\u201d has guided my prayer life. Every morning I write in my journal all the good things God has given me.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n These days, our almost-two-year-old son, Micah, is at the top of that list. He is a joy, as is parenthood. All those fears that overcame me? Dad was right. They never came to be.<\/p>\n For example, I haven\u2019t lost my freedom being a mom. Maybe I get less sleep, but I feel freer to love, more compassionate, more understanding, more grateful. More like my dad.<\/p>\n Scriptures That Help Banish Fear<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t waste your time fretting about a tomorrow that you cannot control and that may never come. Dwell instead on the issues of the present\u2014the blessings as well as the concerns\u2014since today is really the only day we have. The other thing that is so reassuring about this passage is the repeated reference to the Father. We really are in very good hands and we remember this every time we call God \u2018Father,\u2019 which we should do often.\u201d<\/p>\n Watch<\/a> as Sarah discusses motherhood, faith and “Moms’ Night Out”!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nSarah\u2019s dad is the Reverend Charles Drew, senior minister at Emmanuel Presbyterian Church in New York City. The four passages he recommended are Romans 8:28-39<\/strong>, Psalm 23<\/strong>, Philippians 4:4-7<\/strong> and Matthew 6:25-34<\/strong>. He says about the last, \u201cI love the common-sense approach of these words of Jesus, \u2018Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?\u2019 Anxiety accomplishes precisely nothing, so what\u2019s the point? Verse 34 is also great: \u2018Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.\u2019<\/p>\n