{"id":22486,"date":"2026-03-11T13:04:26","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T13:04:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/she-gave-a-vietnam-vet-the-love-he-needed-in-his-final-days\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:14:21","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:14:21","slug":"she-gave-a-vietnam-vet-the-love-he-needed-in-his-final-days","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/hope-and-inspiration\/stories-of-hope-for-caregivers\/she-gave-a-vietnam-vet-the-love-he-needed-in-his-final-days\/","title":{"rendered":"She Gave a Vietnam Vet the Love He Needed in His Final Days"},"content":{"rendered":"

I sat beside the elderly veteran\u2019s bed in the hospice unit. Watching him struggle to draw breath, I felt an ache in my own chest. Lord, am I really helping? <\/em>I\u2019d been so sure I was on the right path, a path the Lord had set me on, but now I wondered.<\/p>\n

Until he\u2019d moved into hospice, this Vietnam veteran<\/a>\u2014I\u2019ll call him Robert\u2014had been living with my family as part of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs medical foster home program. Taking care of these men\u2014cooking for them, helping them with daily activities, providing a safe and stable home\u2014was my job. Although we\u2019d welcomed Robert into our house more than two years earlier, I\u2019d always felt some friction between us. He and I had never really been able to see eye to eye.<\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019d tried to get too involved. \u201cDon\u2019t you think you\u2019ve had enough sugar?\u201d I\u2019d ask, watching him guzzle his third soda. He\u2019d been homeless for many years, and his health was precarious. He didn\u2019t eat well or take his medications on time. I hovered, worried he might slip away, dabble in alcohol and other harmful substances. I wanted so badly to support him, to help him live his best life.<\/p>\n

Robert would bristle. \u201cI\u2019m 75 years old. I know when I\u2019ve had enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

That stung.<\/p>\n

Caring for veterans<\/a> felt like my second calling, but the work wasn\u2019t cut-and-dried. Each veteran needed a different type of care and sought different levels of integration with our family. Some loved being a part of the life my husband and I had built with our daughters. Others kept more to themselves.<\/p>\n

I started running a medical foster home in 2014, believing I could save every veteran who came to us\u2014treat whatever ailed them and heal them of their pain, both physical and emotional. I was a nurse<\/a>, after all\u2014I\u2019d spent 24 years working at an Indianapolis hospital\u2019s bone-marrow transplant unit. And nurses are fixers.<\/p>\n

My husband, Todd, and I had adopted three sisters<\/a> from the foster care system in 2011. We\u2019d met the girls while our friends were fostering them. My friend called me one day and said, \u201cI don\u2019t think God wants us to adopt these girls into our family. I think we\u2019re being led on a different path.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was heartbroken for the girls. They were so sweet and funny. I was 46 and had never had children of my own. It just hadn\u2019t happened. But maybe being a mom wasn\u2019t out of the question.<\/p>\n

\u201cTodd, what if we adopted those girls?\u201d I said. We decided to go for it. We knew we\u2019d have to make some big adjustments. I loved my job at the hospital in Indianapolis, where I\u2019d lived during my first marriage. I\u2019d stayed on there even after I\u2019d married Todd and moved to rural Greenville, 125 miles away. But I couldn\u2019t do the two-and-a-half-hour commute anymore. Not while raising three girls under the age of 10.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d I told Todd one night. \u201cI want to stay home, but we need the money.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not try doing what my mom does?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Todd\u2019s mother, who used to own a bed-and-breakfast in Greenville, had been running a medical foster home for veterans for the past eight years. It was a 24\/7 job\u2014many of the men had complex medical issues and couldn\u2019t live alone\u2014but my mother-in-law found deep meaning in it.<\/p>\n

It seemed like the perfect solution for our family. I could stay at home with our daughters while using my nursing skills<\/a> and earning income.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is our chance to do what Christ asks of us,\u201d I explained to my girls. \u201cTo love our fellow human beings. To take care of heroes.\u201d<\/p>\n

They had their doubts, but I had faith that God wouldn\u2019t give us more than we could handle. Our large three-story home had a walk-out basement with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. The plan was to have the veterans live down there. They had call buttons they could push if they needed anything.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d cared for thousands of critically ill patients. I was confident in my ability to manage our new fosters. Maybe a little too confident. Our first veteran came to live with us in 2014. Right away, he made it clear that he had no interest in my managing his daily life. We didn\u2019t hear a peep out of him the whole first week. When he finally emerged from downstairs, looking a bit haggard, he didn\u2019t want to chat. Was I doing something wrong?<\/p>\n

Still, I was determined to treat him like family, even while giving him the space he wanted. He started eating meals with us, telling us a bit about his personal life. We invited him to church with us on Sundays. He never came, and I never pushed, but I made sure he knew he was welcome.<\/p>\n

My daughters took an interest in him too. They\u2019d go downstairs on Saturdays to knock on his door. Yanet, my oldest, would ask, \u201cDo you want to play board games <\/a>with us?\u201d<\/p>\n

The VA provided a lot of support. The program coordinator visited us each month. VA physical and occupational therapists helped the veteran stay mobile, and a recreational therapist brought crafts and musical instruments<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We got into the swing of things and agreed to take in another veteran. The program limits caregivers to three veterans at a time, and I could see why. Between raising our girls and coordinating the veterans\u2019 medical and therapy appointments, visits to the VA and other activities, I was exhausted.<\/p>\n

To make matters more complicated, our second veteran was a 90-year-old with dementia<\/a> who\u2019d served in World War II. \u201cI don\u2019t feel comfortable keeping somebody with dementia downstairs,\u201d I said to Todd. \u201cWhat if he wanders off?\u201d<\/p>\n

We turned our living room into another bedroom. Todd put up walls for privacy, but because it\u2019s on the main floor, it allowed the veteran to be a part of everything going on in the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure I can do this alone,\u201d I said to Todd one day. \u201cWould you be willing to give up your landscaping business to help me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Todd agreed. Running a medical foster home became a second career for both of us.<\/p>\n

Still, I worried that our daughters would resent sharing more living space with our guests. One morning at breakfast, I asked, \u201cHow are you girls getting along with our newest veteran?\u201d<\/p>\n

Yanet grinned and said, \u201cIt\u2019s like having a new grandpa!\u201d<\/p>\n

The veterans<\/a> stayed with us until they opted for another living situation or passed on. Robert came to us in November 2017. Darryl, an Army veteran, moved into the main floor bedroom in November 2019. He\u2019d lost both legs due to diabetes and used a wheelchair. He settled into our family right away, bantering with the girls, chatting with me as I cooked. I felt like I was hitting my stride.<\/p>\n

Every day, I was up at 5 a.m., preparing one veteran for dialysis, helping Darryl with his wheelchair, organizing meds, getting the girls off to school. This is what God made me for, <\/em>I thought. I was still exhausted but joyously so.<\/p>\n

In late winter 2019, Robert took a turn for the worse. He was suffering the long-term effects of COPD<\/a>, and it became clear he wouldn\u2019t last much longer. When he told me he wanted to go into hospice care rather than stay with us, I tried not to take it personally.<\/p>\n

Robert had no family of his own and few friends. No matter how hard I tried to connect with him, he and I never quite clicked. I kept reminding myself that his wartime experiences and years of homelessness<\/a> had left him with scars I couldn\u2019t begin to understand. That I couldn\u2019t expect to form a bond with every veteran.<\/p>\n

Not long after he moved out, I went to visit him in the hospice unit. He looked so frail and alone, lying there in his bed, struggling to breathe. I took pride in my work as a nurse and as a caregiver, but Robert didn\u2019t want any part of it. He didn\u2019t want to be in our house when he passed, even though it was the only home he\u2019d known in many years. Had anything I\u2019d done even helped him?<\/p>\n

I pulled my chair closer to Robert\u2019s bed. \u201cI just wanted to see how you\u2019re doing,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

A light flickered in his eyes. At least he didn\u2019t seem upset I was there.<\/p>\n

Robert took a shaky breath. \u201cLynn, I changed my mind,\u201d he said. \u201cI want to be with you when it happens. I know you and the family love me. Please take me home<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

I almost broke down right there. I\u2019d spent the past few years thinking Robert resented my attentiveness and attempts to help. I thought I\u2019d failed as a caregiver, that I wasn\u2019t meant to do this. I get it now, Lord, <\/em>I prayed on the drive home. He wasn\u2019t asking me to fix all of our veterans\u2019 problems but to provide what they needed most: love and care<\/a>.<\/p>\n

My family and I did our best to make Robert comfortable during his last weeks. Every night, he hugged me and I\u2019d kiss his forehead.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you,\u201d I said, and I meant it.<\/p>\n

I let the girls miss school to attend his funeral. We drove to the veterans\u2019 cemetery. Would we be the only ones there? Robert had no family to notify of his death. A life of service<\/a>, <\/em>I thought, and no one but us to mourn his passing.<\/em><\/p>\n

I stopped in my tracks. Fifty people in dress uniform waiting for us. A full military burial.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you his family?\u201d the chaplain asked. We were the only civilians.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re his medical foster\u2014\u201d I started to say. Then I looked at my girls. \u201cYes. We\u2019re his family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more: Supporting Military Caregivers<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I sat beside the elderly veteran\u2019s bed in the hospice unit. Watching him struggle to draw breath, I felt an ache in my own chest. Lord, am I really helping? I\u2019d been so sure I was on the right path, a path the Lord had set me on, but now I wondered. Until he\u2019d moved […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":29887,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[255],"tags":[210,25,58,26,161],"ppma_author":[873],"class_list":["post-22486","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stories-of-hope-for-caregivers","tag-caregiving","tag-family","tag-guideposts","tag-hope","tag-military"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nShe Gave a Vietnam Vet the Love He Needed in His Final Days - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"She Gave a Vietnam Vet the Love He Needed in His Final Days\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I sat beside the elderly veteran\u2019s bed in the hospice unit. 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