{"id":22581,"date":"2026-03-11T13:14:52","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T13:14:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/the-angel-who-brightened-his-mothers-final-years\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:14:32","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:14:32","slug":"the-angel-who-brightened-his-mothers-final-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/caregiving\/family-caregiving\/aging-parents\/the-angel-who-brightened-his-mothers-final-years\/","title":{"rendered":"The Angel Who Brightened His Mother’s Final Years"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cBye, Mom. Talk to you next week.\u201d I hung up the phone, unable to ignore the drumbeat of worry that had been building during our conversation. It was our Sunday call, when we touched base every week.<\/p>\n

What was it that had me so concerned about Mom<\/a>? Her hip? The pain was pretty intense, bone grinding on bone. She\u2019d had a procedure a couple years back, to no avail. But she was her usual uncomplaining self. \u201cThe doctor gave me something that I can take before I go to bed,\u201d she\u2019d said. \u201cIt seems to help.\u201d No more strolls up and down the block in her walker, though.<\/p>\n

Maybe it was how much sleep she seemed to need lately. Up in the morning to do the L.A. Times <\/em>crossword puzzle, then back down for a nap. Up for lunch and an attack on the crossword in the Pasadena Star-News, <\/em>then another nap. Dinner and the book that she was reading for her book group. Then bed. \u201cI sleep fine,\u201d she insisted.<\/p>\n

The worst thing was being 3,000 miles away<\/a>. Mom still lived in the Pasadena area, where she\u2019d been born and raised and where my siblings and I had grown up. I envied their proximity to Mom. My older sister, Gioia, lived two miles away and always had Mom over for Sunday dinner. My other sibs, Howard and Diane, lived 45 minutes away, but they drove up frequently. Diane took Mom to doctors\u2019 appointments, as did Howard\u2019s wife, Julie; Howard helped out with her taxes. I felt guilty I couldn\u2019t do more<\/a>.<\/p>\n

My siblings could see through her \u201cI\u2019m doing fine\u201d disclaimers. They could see how thin Mom had grown. \u201cHow much did the doctor say you weighed?\u201d I\u2019d asked. \u201cNinety\u2026ninety-one\u2026\u201d she said. Ninety-one. The same as her age. <\/em>Gioia bought her groceries every week, all those bottles of Ensure. But Mom needed to put on some weight. She could usually be lured into a scoop or two of ice cream, not to mention some See\u2019s Candies\u2026 What else was she eating?<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDon\u2019t you have eggs for breakfast anymore? And bacon?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Sometimes. <\/em>How often was that?<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t just the distance that made it challenging for me to get a full picture of Mom\u2019s condition but her very nature. Fiercely independent, determined to take care of herself, relentlessly positive. In her mid-eighties, after Dad died, she sold the house they had built together and bought a smaller one \u201call on one story.\u201d I didn\u2019t see the sense of it. She could still climb stairs with ease. Played tennis several days a week. But she was looking ahead, to where she was now. The walker, the cane, the tennis racquet now retired.<\/p>\n

I told myself that I should be grateful that her mind was still sharp, even if she couldn\u2019t recall what she ate for breakfast. She had her daily crosswords, her book group. She didn\u2019t go to church anymore\u2014it conflicted with her morning nap time\u2014but there was her Daily Guideposts<\/a> <\/em>next to her bed. Still, this recent conversation unnerved me. \u201cWe need to go visit Mom,\u201d I told my wife, Carol. We\u2019d just been there at Christmas, but Christmastime was so busy, so many of us coming and going\u2014kids, grandkids, great-grandkids. What if we caught her on a quieter weekend?<\/p>\n

\u201cMom,\u201d I said, calling her back, \u201cI get MLK Day off. Carol and I thought we\u2019d come out and stay with you for the long weekend. I\u2019ll book a flight that gets in Thursday night.\u201d<\/p>\n

I could hear the smile in her voice. \u201cThat would be nice.\u201d And then that practical nature coming through. \u201cI\u2019ll leave the door unlocked.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Lyft driver dropped us off from the airport. The porch light was on and the front door, indeed, unlocked. Mom called to us from her bedroom as she heard us tiptoe in. We wished her good night. Then we went to sleep\u2014we were still on New York time. In the middle of the night, I heard her get up with her walker and go to the bathroom. At least she can do that on her own. <\/em>First thing in the morning, I went for a run and Carol went for a walk. By the time we got back, Mom was sitting at the breakfast table, a crossword puzzle at the ready.<\/p>\n

Carol looked down at Mom\u2019s plate. \u201cPeggy, is that all you\u2019re eating? Half a piece of toast?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll have something to drink later,\u201d she said sheepishly. What? Some tea? A few sips of Ensure?<\/p>\n

At once we put it together. Frying an egg, microwaving bacon. It was too much for her. Mom winced as she shifted in her chair. That hip. She had her pills sorted on the counter, but she hesitated to get up for them. We could cook for her all weekend, bring her her pills, but what would happen after Monday?<\/p>\n

\u201cMom,\u201d I said, \u201cyou need someone to come in and help you during the day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm,\u201d she said. \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d She went back to her crossword, clearly hoping to end the conversation. Was this stubbornness just the flip side of her strong will and independent nature?<\/p>\n

I talked to Gioia. As the eldest, she had the strongest powers of persuasion. And Diane. Mom trusted Diane on medical matters from all those doctors\u2019 visits. Howard too\u2014she relied on him to handle the financial details.<\/p>\n

It was Gioia, though, who sat Mom down after our visit. She reminded Mom of the caregiver she\u2019d had before\u2014for a week\u2014after her hip procedure. We would go to the same agency and see if there was someone available to assist Mom a couple days a week<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Mom frowned. \u201cOnly for an hour,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cMom,\u201d Gioia said, appealing to her sense of fair play. \u201cThe person needs to get paid for more than just an hour.\u201d A sigh. \u201cI suppose so.\u201d<\/p>\n

Enter Nora. Discreet, kind, good-humored, faithful. Three days a week, she\u2019d arrive at 8 a.m., fix breakfast, help with the morning shower, settle Mom with a heating pad for her hip, do laundry, count out the pills, wash the dishes, get lunch ready, leave some dinner in the fridge and do it all in such a way that her presence was never an intrusion. I was amazed at how quickly Mom warmed to her. \u201cHow\u2019s Nora?\u201d I would ask when I called on Sundays. \u201cShe\u2019s such a dear,\u201d Mom said.<\/p>\n

Texts flew back and forth between my sibs and me. What if Nora came more often? Diane suggested it first. Mom\u2019s response? A categorical no. Then, only a couple weeks later, Mom called Diane out of the blue. \u201cI think Nora should come for the whole week if that works for her,\u201d she said. Done.<\/p>\n

For the next two years, Nora made Mom\u2019s home a sanctuary. The book group<\/a> could drop by; kids and grandkids came and went; we\u2019d fly out and stay for a bit. Nora was such an intimate part of Mom\u2019s life, she felt like family.<\/p>\n

Nora was there that Monday when Mom just didn\u2019t feel well enough to get out of bed. Nora was worried. Howard and Gioia took Mom to the doctor\u2019s, then to the hospital. The diagnosis: pneumonia. At age 93, Mom was quick to proclaim to anyone who would listen, \u201cYou know, the last time I was a patient here was when I had my last child\u201d\u201463 years earlier.<\/p>\n

I flew out on Tuesday. Spent most of Wednesday with her, Nora texting us prayers. On Thursday a minister from church visited and we gathered around Mom\u2019s bed. The pastor read Mom\u2019s favorite Bible passage, from Isaiah, \u201cabout eagles\u2019 wings,\u201d as Mom put it. We sang \u201cOn Eagle\u2019s Wings.\u201d Then she turned to me and said quietly, \u201cI\u2019m going to the Lord\u2019s house soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nora came by that afternoon. Mom\u2019s daily companion for the past two years, a comforting presence and now, miraculously, a beloved friend. Mom looked up and exclaimed, \u201cThere\u2019s my angel.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nora was the angel Mom didn\u2019t know she needed. She was also my angel, easing my mind<\/a>, letting me rest assured that the mom who had cared so well for my siblings and me was being so well cared for in her later years. That evening, after all of us had left, Mom died. I\u2019m still coming to terms with her enormous absence in my life. Yet even in my grief, I give thanks for Nora and the Providence who sent her to us.<\/p>\n

Share the Care: 7 Tips for Sibling Family Caregivers<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cBye, Mom. Talk to you next week.\u201d I hung up the phone, unable to ignore the drumbeat of worry that had been building during our conversation. It was our Sunday call, when we touched base every week. What was it that had me so concerned about Mom? Her hip? 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