{"id":23057,"date":"2026-03-11T14:08:30","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T14:08:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/would-her-husbands-new-job-cause-him-to-relapse\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:15:30","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:15:30","slug":"would-her-husbands-new-job-cause-him-to-relapse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/health-and-wellness\/addiction-and-recovery\/would-her-husbands-new-job-cause-him-to-relapse\/","title":{"rendered":"Would Her Husband\u2019s New Job Cause Him to Relapse?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Morning light filled the house. I wandered distractedly to the kitchen for more coffee. It was Sunday. My husband, Dave<\/a>, had already left for church, taking the kids with him. For once, I only had to get myself out the door.<\/p>\n

I took my time with the coffee. I read my book. I lingered in the shower. I brushed my teeth extra carefully. My reflection in the bathroom mirror stared back at me: You\u2019re stalling.<\/em><\/p>\n

I hated to admit it, but I didn\u2019t want to go to church. Not because I didn\u2019t love our congregation of about 100 in the heart of town. Everyone there was compassionate, generous and kind.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to go this morning because, three months earlier, Dave had become the associate pastor there. We\u2019d been attending Restore Church for a long time before that, and Dave was an elder when the pastor, Jim Walter, asked him to come on staff. It was a dream position for Dave. You\u2019d think I\u2019d want to be there to support him. Certainly it would look terrible if the pastor\u2019s wife didn\u2019t show up.<\/p>\n

The problem was, this wasn\u2019t Dave\u2019s first job in the clergy. Six years earlier, he\u2019d been fired from his last ministry position\u2014director at a nearby Christian camp\u2014when camp leaders discovered he\u2019d been using the company credit card to buy prescription pain pills. By that point, Dave had been addicted to opioids for 15 years.<\/p>\n

Losing that job was Dave\u2019s wake-up call. He confessed everything<\/a>, quit using drugs and committed himself to recovery. He\u2019d been sober ever since.<\/p>\n

Gradually we rebuilt our life together. Dave found work outside the church. I stopped being a stay-at-home mom (my <\/em>dream job) and found outside work. We went from being in debt and relying on food stamps to owning a house and saving money.<\/p>\n

The job offer at Restore was an incredible act of grace. Jim had been our pastor when everything fell apart. He\u2019d known Dave at his worst. In the years since then, he\u2019d given Dave opportunities to lead recovery groups at Restore and invited him to become an elder. He saw the good in Dave, and the two of them shared a vision of the church as a beacon of hope for marginalized people.<\/p>\n

I saw the good in Dave too. But was he ready for an opportunity like this? Was I?<\/p>\n

I remembered the day Dave told me about the job offer. He\u2019d come home from having coffee with Jim, bursting with excitement. Dave lives for ministry and for six years had thought that part of his life was over. This was a second chance to do what he loved most.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t help feeling happy for my husband. But there was dread too. What if the stress of ministry had been a major factor in Dave\u2019s addiction? What if he relapsed? His job at a debt counseling agency had been just a regular job. He might have to take a leave of absence to deal with a drug problem, but he probably wouldn\u2019t get fired. Becoming a pastor again meant a whole different level of scrutiny.<\/p>\n

In the past six years, I\u2019d worked to attain a sense of security<\/a> that was not dependent on Dave. The writing job at a Christian nonprofit marketing agency I\u2019d taken to dig us out of debt had become a source of personal pride and professional satisfaction. The job was my shield against the panic I\u2019d felt when we were broke.<\/p>\n

I could keep my job if Dave started working at Restore. But not my life as a regular person. I\u2019d be a pastor\u2019s wife again. Church would become the dominant factor in our family\u2019s life. Dave would bring the job home with him as all pastors do. A spotlight would be on us. I worried that the stress of ministery would become too much.<\/p>\n

Both Dave and I had worked through 12-step programs as part of his recovery. The main lesson for spouses is: You can\u2019t control the addiction, so it\u2019s best to detach with love. <\/em>I\u2019d buffered myself against the worst effects of Dave\u2019s illness by finding a job and building a financial cushion. So why was I consumed by fear? Every day, I searched Dave\u2019s face for signs of stress when he came home from pastoring. My prayers were dominated by one request: Please don\u2019t let Dave relapse.<\/em><\/p>\n

At last I got dressed and drove to church. I was so distracted, I missed my freeway exit. The opening praise songs were over by the time I arrived, and there was no way to slip in unnoticed. \u201cYou\u2019re just in time,\u201d the usher said with a smile. It sure didn\u2019t feel that way.<\/p>\n

Months went by. My anxiety got worse, not better. Dave thrived at work, but I kept waiting for the bottom to drop out. I couldn\u2019t stop dwelling on how our lives had changed.<\/p>\n

I was more guarded at church, reluctant to share family problems for fear of what people might think. I stopped writing a blog I\u2019d begun about our family\u2019s recovery journey. The public vulnerability felt too risky.<\/p>\n

Why couldn\u2019t I snap out of this? I confided in my friend Kit, who is older and wiser. \u201cHave you ever tried the Ignatian Exercises?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

She meant the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius<\/a>, a program of prayer and contemplation developed by Saint Ignatius of Loyola. The program was designed to deepen a person\u2019s relationship with Jesus through close spiritual self-examination and prayerful listening for God\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds like exactly what I need,\u201d I said. Kit gave me the book she used in church. The program felt familiar, sort of like the 12 steps. I dove in and, weeks later, came to a section on acknowledging fears. The exercise involved listing all my fears, going back as far as I could remember and being as specific as possible.<\/p>\n

My list started with pretty standard childhood stuff: fear of the dark, fear of drowning, fear of getting into trouble.<\/p>\n

Then the fears turned more grownup: fear of being wrong, fear of not having enough, fear of being deceived, fear of my kids getting hurt, fear of losing my job, fear of being overlooked. Once I started, I couldn\u2019t stop. It turned out, there was a whole world of fear inside me. All of it poured out.<\/p>\n

I came to the last fears: Dave relapsing. Our family broke and adrift. Our lives devastated again.<\/p>\n

I stared at the list. So long. So daunting. I noticed a pattern. Everything I feared was something I couldn\u2019t control. Some of those things were comparatively small, such as my kids learning to drive. Others felt impossibly huge. Like Dave\u2019s sobriety.<\/p>\n

There was no way around it. To get over my fears, I had to give up control.<\/p>\n

I looked back over the years since Dave had entered recovery. Working the 12 steps, I had wrestled with Step Three: \u201cWe made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.\u201d I thought I\u2019d done that.<\/p>\n

In fact, I had been working to achieve more <\/em>control in my life. Work gave me financial control. So did a savings account. I knew Dave felt burned out by his job at the debt counseling agency. But the work was steady and more predictable than ministry.<\/p>\n

After years of chaos, I clung to security and control. But was that control an illusion?<\/p>\n

I remembered a favorite Bible verse: \u201cPerfect love casts out fear.\u201d The opposite of fear wasn\u2019t control. It was trusting a God who loves so perfectly, we have difficulty comprehending that love.<\/p>\n

I wrote out a prayer: \u201cCast out my fears<\/a>, God. Every one of them. Shine your light into the dark corners of my mind and heart. Encourage me. I give control to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

My fears did not vanish right away. But that prayer was a turning point. I asked friends to pray for me. I sought out a therapist. She was not a faith-based counselor, but when I told her I didn\u2019t want to go to church, she encouraged me to attend anyway.<\/p>\n

\u201cCommunity will heal you,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

I looked at our church with new eyes. The congregation had supported us through the dark days of Dave\u2019s addiction. They knew our faults. Would they really abandon us at the first sign of trouble? Probably not.<\/p>\n

Last of all, I began to let go of my fear that Dave would relapse. Loved ones of recovering addicts never stop worrying completely. But there\u2019s worry\u2014 and then there\u2019s fear that controls you. I (mostly) stopped searching Dave\u2019s face for signs of stress. I celebrated his successes. I allowed myself to trust that God would be with us, no matter what happened.<\/p>\n

Another one of my favorite quotes comes from C.S. Lewis<\/a>\u2019s book The Four Loves: <\/em>\u201cLove anything, and your heart will\u2026be wrung and possibly be broken.\u201d<\/p>\n

Risk shadows every relationship. But the alternative is not to love at all. And of course, God takes just as big a risk in loving us.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been six years since Dave started pastoring at Restore Church. I take our life together\u2014and Dave\u2019s sobriety\u2014 one day at a time. Like anyone in recovery, I walk a path of faith, step by trustful step.<\/p>\n

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to <\/em>Guideposts<\/strong><\/a> magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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