{"id":23291,"date":"2026-03-11T14:30:36","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T14:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/striking-a-balance\/"},"modified":"2026-04-10T06:16:00","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T06:16:00","slug":"striking-a-balance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gpbookstore.org\/articles\/positive-living\/striking-a-balance\/","title":{"rendered":"Striking a Balance"},"content":{"rendered":"

You need to know your priorities in life.<\/p>\n

As head coach of the San Francisco 49ers, that\u2019s probably the most important message I deliver to my players, especially the younger ones. Focus on what\u2019s truly meaningful<\/em>, I urge them.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a guy who wears his emotions on his sleeve, so when I say these things, my players know I speak from the heart. What they don\u2019t know is that I learned that lesson the hard way.<\/p>\n

They weren\u2019t there in Chicago the night of the banquet in my honor\u2014one of the greatest moments of my career as a player, and the lowest point of my personal life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d played my entire NFL career with the Chicago Bears. In the 1985 season I\u2019d helped lead the team to a victory in the Super Bowl. Chicago fans always appreciated me, and this night in 1989 would make it official.<\/p>\n

All the goals I\u2019d set at age 12 had come true. I was being honored in my adopted city as the best defensive player in the league.<\/p>\n

You can imagine what the night was like. People approached my table throughout the evening. \u201cCongratulations, Mike,\u201d they\u2019d say, pushing between my wife, Kim, and me. They\u2019d pay me a ton of compliments, and then turn to Kim and say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re so lucky to be married to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

I figured, if ever I could make Kim proud, this would be the time. \u201cThis is our night, honey,\u201d I said. Kim said nothing. We barely spoke through dinner. Driving home, Kim didn\u2019t say a word. Her eyes said it all.<\/p>\n

How did it ever get to this?<\/em> I wondered.<\/p>\n

Kim is the only woman I\u2019ve ever loved. I thought back to the night we met\u2014in the Baylor University library, when we were sophomores. I was already well known on campus as a football player.<\/p>\n

But off the field I wasn\u2019t nearly so confident. I\u2019d seen Kim around, but couldn\u2019t work up the nerve to approach her. I couldn\u2019t believe it when she walked up to me. \u201cCan you help me with my math?\u201d she asked. I wasn\u2019t very good at math, but I told her I was.<\/p>\n

Afterward, I walked her back to her dorm. We talked about a million things\u2014family, faith, our hopes, our dreams. Man<\/em>, I thought, as I returned to my dorm, she doesn\u2019t care that I\u2019m a football player. Kim\u2019s the first girl I\u2019ve met where I can just be myself.<\/em><\/p>\n

A few days later we went on our first date. I never did believe in beating around the bush. \u201cI\u2019m going to marry you someday,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

The next few months were heaven. For me, at least. I felt lucky to be around Kim. I thought she felt the same. Turns out she didn\u2019t. We were a couple, but we didn\u2019t spend much time together. Not as much as she wanted. Most of my hours were spent on the field, or studying.<\/p>\n

One day she cornered me. \u201cWhere do I stand with you?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI truly love you,\u201d I said. But she wasn\u2019t satisfied.<\/p>\n

Where to begin?<\/em> I took Kim to a campus coffee shop and found a quiet corner. I was 12 when my parents divorced. I took it hard. I lost all my desire, all my motivation. Even for football, which I loved. I just wanted to get by.<\/p>\n

I told Kim I probably wouldn\u2019t have cared about college, almost certainly wouldn\u2019t have amounted to anything. Until my mother talked some sense into me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cNobody gets life handed to them,\u201d Mom told me. \u201cLife is getting beat up and getting back on your feet. It takes willpower and hard work and focus.\u201d<\/p>\n

I told Kim it was the greatest motivational speech I\u2019d ever heard, better than any delivered by a football coach. It turned my attitude right around. I went straight to my room and wrote out a vision statement.<\/p>\n

My goals, I decided, were to earn a college football scholarship, to become an All-American player, to earn my degree, to get drafted by an NFL team, to become an All-Pro player, to buy Mom a home, to play in the Super Bowl and to own my own business.<\/p>\n

\u201cI became a totally goal-oriented person,\u201d I told Kim. Single-minded, you might say. A fitting description for a guy named Singletary.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s something missing from your list, Mike,\u201d she said, touching my hand. \u201cLove.\u201d<\/p>\n

I told Kim the truth: Nothing was going to keep me from going for my goals, for getting where I wanted to go. That even included my relationships.<\/p>\n

A lot of women would have said goodbye right then. But Kim knew the sincerity of my heart. Eventually, she believed, a wife and family would rate at the top of my list.<\/p>\n

But it never did. There was always something else that demanded my attention.<\/p>\n

In 1981 the Bears drafted me and I achieved one of my main goals. I thought things would get eas\u00adier. They didn\u2019t. Most nights I fell asleep studying the team\u2019s playbook. I was determined to be the best.<\/p>\n

Kim moved back to Detroit, where her family lived. I can\u2019t tell you how much I missed her. My heart ached. Did I ask her to move back and marry me? No. It was more important to establish myself in the league.<\/p>\n

That took three years. I made All-Pro and felt things were falling into place for me. I called Kim. \u201cI\u2019m ready for you now,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019m ready to give you the attention you deserve.\u201d That summer we married. The next year we had the first of our seven children.<\/p>\n

I loved being with Kim. But things kept cutting into my time with her and our children.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing has changed,\u201d she complained one night. \u201cYou come home, and even at dinner your attention wanders. I know your mind is on football.\u201d<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t argue. I was named team captain. I\u2019d wolf down dinner then spend the rest of the night watching film of the next week\u2019s opponent and phoning teammates to make sure they were doing the same.<\/p>\n

I thought I was succeeding in life. The truth is, I wasn\u2019t paying enough attention to the most important thing of all\u2014Kim and the kids. But I didn\u2019t realize how dissatisfied Kim was until that night at the banquet. Our marriage had reached a crisis.<\/p>\n

Mike, you better figure this out<\/em>, I thought. You better fix this.<\/em><\/p>\n

Kim marched upstairs with barely a goodnight. I went into the den, grabbed a notebook and followed her into the bedroom. I felt like I did the night I met her: unsure of myself, deathly afraid I\u2019d blow it. I love this woman. I can\u2019t bear the idea of losing her.<\/em><\/p>\n

I sat down on the edge of the bed with notebook in hand. I was going to make a list, just like I did when I was 12. \u201cI need to know,\u201d I said. \u201cAm I the kind of husband that you need? How do I treat you? What am I doing that needs fixing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me think about it for a while,\u201d Kim said.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Every time I saw her over the next few days, I asked if she had an answer yet. I wanted to make my list, set my goals.<\/p>\n

One morning at the kitchen table Kim laid it all out for me. My divided attention, leaving the hard work of parenting up to her, tending to my career first at the expense of all else. \u201cYou have to be here for us, with us. With me. This family has to come before football.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was pretty tough to hear\u2014that a man so wrapped up in success could fail in his wife\u2019s eyes. It humbled me. I promised to do better. But old habits die slow. Football is what defined me.<\/p>\n

One night Kim and I got into a terrible argument. I can\u2019t even remember what it was about. As usual, I didn\u2019t quit until I had won. She marched upstairs, as frustrated as I\u2019d ever seen her, and slammed the door. What have I actually won?<\/em> I thought.<\/p>\n

I sat down in the den. This time I reached for the Bible, thinking it would calm me. Flipping through the pages, I came across 1 Corinthians 13\u2014the love chapter. Love is not boastful, not proud, not self-seeking<\/em>. And it struck me\u2014I was all<\/em> of those things.<\/p>\n

I kept reading. But love never fails. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not easily angered<\/em>. I thought back again to my first date with Kim. She liked me for who I was, not because I was a football player. I didn\u2019t have to prove anything to her except my love.<\/p>\n

I snapped the Bible closed and took it upstairs with me. It was 2:00 a.m. Kim rolled over drowsily in bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cKim, read this,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou read it.\u201d<\/p>\n

I did. And when I finished I said to her, \u201cYou\u2019re my number-one priority. You and the kids. From this day forward that\u2019s how I\u2019m going to love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

It took me five years of marriage, but I finally figured out what\u2019s really important in life. Football is a big part of who I am. But not as big as my wife and kids, in terms of who I am off the field\u2014a man of God and a family man.<\/p>\n

By the way, it was Kim who suggested that I go into coaching 11 years after I retired as a player in 1992. I love being the head coach of the San Francisco 49ers. But if Kim told me to leave the 49ers tomorrow, that would be it. After all these years, I finally got my list straightened out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You need to know your priorities in life. As head coach of the San Francisco 49ers, that\u2019s probably the most important message I deliver to my players, especially the younger ones. Focus on what\u2019s truly meaningful, I urge them. 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