Praying for others is a bellwether of mental health for me. If I\u2019m sinking into self-absorption, if I\u2019m worried too much about what\u2019s happening to me, I know what to do. Pray, for goodness\u2019 sake. Pray for myself, yes, because I can\u2019t avoid that (no use hiding my feelings). Then pray for somebody else. Pray for all those who need God so much more than me. Dad always put it in his graces, \u201cBe with those we love and the ones they love…\u201d and he\u2019d name a few. He\u2019d tell them too, \u201cI\u2019m holding a good thought for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
You should see my desk, littered with yellow Post-It notes with names of people I\u2019m praying for: \u201cJerry, chemo… Emma, loss… Emily, healthy baby… Roberta\u2019s girls… David, job interview… Monty, business… Rebecca, job… Renee, lawsuit… Pat, peace… Chuck, addiction… Mary Lou, ankl…. \u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not great at it but I just keep doing it. You just do. Thank God for e-mail. I can send a quick e-mail with a follow-up question\u2013\u201cHow are you? You\u2019re in my prayers\u201d\u2013and keep track, updating the Post-It notes. I know, I know. It can be embarrassing and cringe-making to tell someone that you\u2019re praying for them, especially people who don\u2019t believe in prayer and think it\u2019s utter nonsense or worse, delusional.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re in my thoughts,\u201d I\u2019ll say, or borrowing Dad\u2019s language, \u201cI\u2019m holding a good thought for you.\u201d I\u2019ve been known to put it in all caps\u2013\u201cHOW ARE YOU?\u201d\u2013because the prayer feels so urgent, a shout-out to God. The pain is immediate, the worry grave.<\/p>\n
I have to trust that all the people I pray for know it\u2019s out of love. Affection and fondness can cover a world of awkwardness. May my agnostic friends, whom I adore, forgive me if my prayers seem presumptuous or intrusive. \u201cBe with those we love and the ones they love\u201d is a crucial part of prayer.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve even turned my prayer list into a memory exercise. Forgetfulness has been a problem of late, a sure sign of age. Coming up with people\u2019s names is the worst. I sputter and draw a blank. If my wife Carol\u2019s anywhere close I turn to her for help: \u201cYou know who I\u2019m talking about, honey. That guy we went to college with who played hockey and used to go out with what\u2019s her name and then got married to her roommate instead…\u201d<\/p>\n
She usually does know who I\u2019m talking about. She\u2019s my hard drive for names, but like a good wife she\u2019ll wait as I go through my game of Twenty Questions. She makes me search my own hard drive just to see if it\u2019s running. \u201cMemorize the names on your prayer list,\u201d I told myself. \u201cIt\u2019ll be good for your spiritual life and good for your aging brain.\u201d I put the names in groups of five. Easier to remember that way.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll look at one of my Post-It notes, then close my eyes and go down the list in my head. The mental search is part of the prayer. Who e-mailed me the other day? Who is struggling? Who is going through a rough patch? Who asked me to pray? I can almost feel myself opening a file in my brain, one of compassion and care, one that needs plenty of use or it would disappear.<\/p>\n