Nothing reminds us of our growing-up days quite like food—specifically, candy. From sweet chewy treats to chocolate-covered favorites, these old-fashioned candies bring a sense of innocence and wonder with them. They’re also unequivocally delicious. We decided to look back on the most popular treats over the decades. Did your favorite classic candy make the cut?
12 Ways to Clear Up a Misunderstanding
Wow, it’s so easy to get our feelings hurt, isn’t it? We overhear something someone said (or what we think they said), or we feel left out, or we aren’t treated as we would like, and it slams us in the heart.
A misunderstanding doesn’t feel good, either on the receiving end or the giving end. I’ve experienced both. But I’ve learned some things about handling misunderstandings:
1. I need to be the grown-up. Wearing my feelings on my sleeves just makes it easy for them to get in the way of real communication.
2. Misunderstandings are usually just that, and when I make the effort to talk with the other person about it, it’s often an easy fix.
3. I need to ask God, “Do I have the right attitude or do I need to change something? Sometimes the problem isn’t the other person…it’s me.
4. I can’t let misunderstandings go unresolved. Otherwise, something that started out the size of a pebble can end up as big as the Grand Canyon.
5. It’s best to go to the person directly. Third party conversations about someone else just muddy the waters and make it harder to clear things up.
6. Pray for wisdom about how to handle the situation in a Christ-like manner.
7. Show love like Jesus does—no matter what.
8. Ask God to help me see others as He does.
9. Forgive…even when forgiveness isn’t requested.
10. I can’t become bitter. That only hurts me.
11. Show grace, no matter who is right or wrong.
12. Turn the other cheek. Go the extra mile. And make restitution when it’s merited … and sometimes even when it isn’t.
I’m a representative of God, and through my actions toward others, I can be His witness. I never want to stand between God and His message. How about you?
12 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving
Grief is a deep sadness that can be caused by many things, including the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, a job, a pet or even a loss of one’s beloved property. Unfortunately this deep sadness is something that most of us will face at least once in our lifetime.
Sharing the common experience of grief with others allows us to be able to express empathy and lend support for those who are currently suffering. Although there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are several ways to communicate support to those who are going through this difficult experience.
When offering support, here are 10 things not to say or do when someone is grieving:
1) “Maybe it was for the best.”
It is not helpful for a grieving person to hear that losing a loved one is best for them. Even if you have experienced a loss in the past, you don’t know someone else’s experience. This statement may even complicate their healing process. Instead, try asking, “How can I help?” This communicates that you care, but you are not assuming you know what’s best for their situation.
2) “Just move on.”
This statement creates a falsehood that there is a certain pace for grieving. Everyone grieves in their own time and at their own pace. There are some who feel that grief should only last one year, and this is not true. Reassure your loved one that grief is natural and the time it takes varies from person to person.
3) Posting any commentary on social media without permission.
A person grieving may want to share their loss with the world in their own way and in their own time. Often those who are grieving feel that so much is out of their control. Taking away a grieving person’s control over when and how to share grief on social media only adds to that devastating feeling of loss. Instead of rushing to post or tweet your condolences, try making a phone call or sending a card or private message to express your support.
4) “You are much stronger than I would be.”
Statements like this make you the center of attention, when you should be focused on the person who is grieving. Your feelings or actions in a hypothetical situation are not comforting to someone who is dealing with very real grief. When someone is trying to slowly integrate back into society after a loss, remember that it takes bravery and courage to attempt to move forward. What a person expresses outwardly is no indication of where they are in the grieving process. For example, just because a grieving person isn’t crying doesn’t mean the person has not cried or is not still sad, nor does it communicate that they are no longer grieving. Be sure to empathize with their loss and say: “This must be difficult for you. Let me know how/if I can help.”
READ MORE: 5 WARNING SIGNS OF SUICIDE
5) “You should get out more.”
Grievers have a tendency to withdraw and isolate, which could cause depression symptoms. Encouraging them to enjoy outside activities is always a healthy idea, but do not put pressure on them. It seems like such a simple answer to grief, to get out and find ways to escape, but a person may not be ready to escape that part of grief just yet. Instead of insisting that a person who is experiencing grief participate in an activity, simply suggest an event or activity that you’re also willing to attend—and even pay for, if possible—with the grieving person.
6) “They are in a much better place”
Even if a person’s loved one was suffering, these words, no matter how benign, may be painful for a grieving person to hear. Never assume to know a person’s beliefs or how statements of faith will impact a grieving person. Instead of placing the focus on God taking a loved one, remind the grieving person that they are not alone and you will help them get through this difficult time.
7) “I know how you feel.”
The truth is you don’t. Even if you have had a similar loss, you cannot possibly know how that particular person feels at that particular moment. The loss can seem similar, but the relationship with a person makes each loss unique and very personal. Instead of claiming to know how they feel, instead say, “I’m here for you,” and offer your ear to listen whenever they feel comfortable to share how they feel.
8) “Stay Positive.”
Again, like many of the previous statements, this often comes from a very compassionate place, but it can be dismissive of the person’s current feelings. Encouraging them to express an emotion that is not a reality for them may delay their grieving process. Instead, reaffirm for them that they are entitled to their feelings, and you are here to listen if they want to share. Remember: listen more and say less.
9) “Your loved one wouldn’t want you to cry.”
This statement can create a huge sense of guilt in a grieving person for sharing their true emotion. Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying does not imply that they are weak or that they are doing something wrong. Instead, ask permission to hug a person who is crying, or get them a tissue or just sit quietly with them while they cry. If you’re on the phone with someone who is crying, say comforting words, like, “It’s okay to cry. I’m here for you.”
10) “It was just his/her time.”
Suggesting that there is a reason or rationale behind a person’s death can be very upsetting to a grieving person, to whom the death may feel senseless and irrational. Depending on the circumstances of the death, statements like this one can suggest that the death is somehow justified, which is not comforting to a grieving person. Instead, say, “I am so sorry for your loss.”
Remember that grieving the loss of a loved one is the worst pain someone can endure. If you want to help, keep these tips in mind. Respect a grieving person’s boundaries. Listen to them quietly. Just be present with them and allow them to grieve in their own way, at their own time. This can help lessen the pain.
Apologize to your loved one if you’ve already said the wrong thing. If you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, just offer to cook dinner, buy groceries, watch the children for an afternoon, or help around the house. These gestures can mean so much more than words to someone who feels their world has been turned upside down.
**Editors Note** our readers on Facebook shared these “things not to say” to people who are grieving:
Kim says, “After my miscarriage, several said, ‘Cheer up; you can have another baby.’”
Elizabeth says, “One month after my son died, I was told…they were tired of my moody sadness.”
What are some words of comfort you hope people will say in your time of need?
’12 Days of Christmas’ Becomes Real for a Family in Need
In April 2008, Suzanne Lea suffered a devastating loss when her husband Bryan died of a heart attack. Struggling with how to cope with the loss of her life partner and the father of her two young boys, Matthew and James, the holidays that year seemed unbearable. "We didn’t even have a way to hang our Christmas lights without Bryan," she told Yahoo! Parenting.
That December, Lea opened her door one day to a bowl full of pears. An odd anonymous gift to be sure, but one the mom appreciated and believed was from another concerned neighbor, like the casseroles she'd been receiving. The next day, another anonymous gift landed on the family's doorstep, and soon, the 12 Days of Christmas had come to life for Lea and her two boys. Daily gifts poured in, all based on that favorite Christmas tune and all serving to heal the loss of a beloved husband, father and friend. She later discovered the gifts came from members of her church.
"That was huge because when you’re hit with a big tragedy, the darkness is so overwhelming inside of you that it doesn’t let you go,” Lea said. “You just want to know that you’re going to have a full life again. And that’s what happened on that 12th day. It gave us something to believe in.”
But the giving didn't stop there. Inspired by her community's generous act, Lea carried on the tradition herself every Christmas season, giving to those she saw in need. Each year the gifts got bigger and the number of families receiving them grew until, in 2010, Lea decided to start her own charity that she fittingly named In 12 Days. Her organization aims to help people that she sees going through hard times. Lea's group works with religious organizations, local school boards, sponsors and other charities in order to spread the Christmas cheer each year. Helicopter rides and resort stays are just a couple of gifts they've given to others in the past few years, but it's not just lavish presents Lea hopes to share. "We’re pulling a whole community together," she says.
This year, In 12 Days has a huge campaign in the works; thousands of volunteers, airline tickets for families flying home for the holidays and organized benefit rallies for disabled children are planned each day this week leading up to the group's big benefit on Dec. 13 which will feature Cirque du Soleil performers, stars of the Broadway play Jersey Boys, and the Society Pipes and Drum Band. But what Lea is really excited for is the chance to make a difference in the lives of people who really need a Christmas miracle.
“I’m so proud of what we do,” Lea said. “In 12 Days is a celebration of life that gives you strength to move forward on your own, through grief.”
Read more at Yahoo! Parenting.
11 Inspirational Quotes About Recovery from Addiction
Encouraging quotes to inspire and help support you on the path to recovery.
10 Weight Loss Tips That Work
How did it ever come to this? I wondered aloud. I’m 55 years old and shopping for a scooter to help me get around! I was distraught by how I’d let my joints get so bad, carrying all of this extra weight, but I knew I needed that scooter, so I swallowed my despair and ordered a red one. Might as well have one that matches my nails and purse, I decided.
That’s when my doctor remarked that if I lost some weight I might be able to avoid that scooter. But I needed to lose nearly a hundred pounds. I’d tried every crash diet and none of them seemed to work—not for long, anyway. And I really never lost that much weight on any of them.
I mentioned this to my sister-in-law Ellen and she insisted that if I was really serious about this weight loss thing, she would be my cheerleader. Ellen has incredible energy and passion so, embarrassed as I was, I decided to take her up on it. My progress was slow-I only lost 45 pounds in the first year-but I lost an amazing 94 pounds by the end of the second year. Here are some of Ellen’s favorite tips that helped me keep the weight off for good:
1) When starting out, change only one habit at a time. After reviewing my habits, Ellen remarked that it was when I was eating that was more of a problem than the amount of food I consumed. So the first habit I changed was not eating anything after 6 p.m. Three weeks later, I had lost three whole pounds! I couldn’t believe it.
2) Be patient and appreciate small changes. Starting small was the answer for me. I’ve seen people who go on radical diets and might lose 5 pounds in one week, not three pounds in 3 weeks. Don’t let slow weight loss discourage you. If you want to lose weight and keep it off, changing your habits for the long haul makes a difference. So be patient and stick to your plan. (It’s amazing to contemplate, but eliminating only one can of pop a day can result in a 25 pound weight loss in a year.)
3) When weight loss stops, change another habit. When I hit a standstill, Ellen had me replace my two daily soda pops (260 calories each or 520 calories) with bottles of water and cut down on bread. (I’d eat my evening grilled cheese sandwich with only one slice.) In a week, I’d lost another pound. Then another and another. My blood pressure dropped 20 points and I was down a dress size by the end of a month, my joints weren’t so sore, and I was moving more. This was incredible for me. I followed these habit changes again until I stopped losing. Then I added a new habit change. I didn’t give up on the old change, I just added another one. This time I swapped yogurt for a candy bar until once more I didn’t see the numbers change on the scales. Ellen promised that sooner or later, the weight would come off because I was consuming fewer calories, eating the right things, and walking more. It was simple science.
4) Toss out your fat clothes for good. As I saw those numbers change, I got rid of elastic-waist slacks and too-loose skirts and replaced them with chic clothes from the consignment store in town. As I lost, I kept trading up, or should I say down. I discovered another fabulous life strategy: Shop the bargains at consignment stores to put your wallet on a diet too. Many of their offerings are new or nearly new.
5) Eat what you want–in small amounts. I didn’t deprive myself of anything while on Ellen’s plan. If I was at a birthday party, I allowed myself a few bites of cake. That kept me from feeling different from the people around me, which had plagued me on other crash diet plans.
6) Journal your intake. This made me more accountable and helped me to understand food and drink issues that were interfering with my success at weight loss.
7) Find an exercise you love. I couldn’t exercise in the beginning because of mobility issues, but after I’d lost 20 pounds, I discovered my back pain was less of an issue. So I phased in walking, an activity I enjoy that also sparks my creativity, as a writer.
8) Engage a weight loss buddy. At work, Rita was trying to shed a few pounds too. Whenever I’d hit a plateau, the two of us kept each other encouraged in the heat of the workday. We also shared healthy food choices when eating out.
9) Substitute fruit for fruit juice and stock up on low-calorie favorites Apples and oranges have more fiber than their juice counterparts and increase your feeling of fullness too. If you’ve got low-calorie snacks you like at home, this will keep you from going out to eat for snacks which contained more sugar and fat. By doing this, I also decreased my bread consumption by 75%.
10) Use a smaller plate. I love antique red transferware so I used a red transferware dessert plate for meals instead of a standard plate. I found I ate much less and enjoyed the experience of eating much more.
Eight years later, I’m down more than 90 pounds. And that scooter? Mysteriously, it never arrived. The medical equipment store says my order somehow got canceled. I say God intervened so I would experience Ellen’s painless, life-changing plan.
10 Ways to Develop Patience as a Caregiver
Sugar gets you more in life than vinegar. For caregivers, the expression holds some deep truth. As you care for your older loved one—particularly one who has dementia—a positive tone and outlook on your part can be key to smoothing charged interactions and avoiding behavior you may later regret.
Frustration is a common byproduct of the challenging work of caregiving. The pressures of the role can easily lead to exhaustion and anger, and before you know it, you may find yourself lashing out at this person who means the world to you. While certain things, like your loved one’s condition, may be out of your control, it is within your control to defuse frustration and anger before they get the better of you.
Patience can be cultivated.
The following techniques can help you to control your ire before you react in a less-than-hoped-for way to a trying situation with your loved one:
Notice how you’re feeling. Shortness of breath or faster breathing and heart rate, a knot in the throat or the pit of the stomach, chest pains and rising body temperature are some warning signs of frustration. You might even have a desire to strike out at your loved one in the heat of the moment. These are all indications that it’s time to reel it in. Pay attention to what you’re feeling and make a conscious effort to slow down before going any further.
Breathe. Take three (or more) deep breaths. Fill your entire body cavity down into your gut and up through the lungs and head. Exhale slowly and completely. Then count from one to 10. You can do this sitting, standing or lying down. Basic as it is, this simple approach can work amazingly well to take you out of the situation, settle your nerves and stop you from instantly reacting.
Use your hands. This quick and practical method of defusing anger before it boils over is demonstrated here by Marsha M. Linehan, professor emeritus in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington’s Behavioral Research and Therapy Clinics. Hold your arms down by your sides, palms open outward, fingers slightly curled. If you are sitting, place your hands on your knees the same way. “I learned this from a course I took in spirituality,” Linehan says in the video, posted on the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine’s website. “It turns out it’s really a miracle. It’s very difficult to stay angry with willing hands.”
Step away. Take a time-out if you need to—and if it’s feasible. Excuse yourself and stretch your legs in the fresh air. You might try a walking mindfulness exercise as you do so: Walk slowly 10 to 20 feet in one direction and then turn and walk back to where you started. Focus on the sensations of standing upright and moving to maintain your balance. Removing yourself from a frustrating situation can also mean simply going to a quiet room to listen to music, write in a journal, draw, stretch on a mat or read something inspirational or pray. Call a good friend you can open up to. Or close your eyes and visualize the sights, sounds and smells of a place that makes you calm. You might feel like making a cup of tea and eating a handful of nuts or two; whatever evens you out. Low blood sugar can make you jittery and prone to snapping. Visit the Mayo Clinic for more mindfulness exercises.
Gather your thoughts. Once you’ve calmed down, rethink the situation. Come up with ways to resolve the issue and reduce your frustration. Figure out what you’re really mad about. You may realize that you’ve been spinning negative scenarios beyond the situation at hand—believing that bad things always happen. Maybe you’ve been beating yourself up over things you “should” and “should not” have done. Your anger may be masking grief and fear over the changes in your loved one’s condition. Stay in the present and analyze what just happened. It can be good to write down your feelings. As you acknowledge what’s gotten to you, the negative feelings may begin to diminish.
Empathize. “Our soul desires to be understanding, our ego is only concerned with being understood. When you are being understanding you are connected to your soul.” Take these words of spiritual empowerment teacher Michaiel Bovenes to heart. Shift your perspective by looking at the situation through your loved one’s eyes. Empathy can give you patience. Remember ways that he or she has been patient with you. Don’t forget the golden rule.
Communicate directly. Express any frustrations clearly, using “I” rather than “you” language. For example: “I am frustrated by …” rather than “You did …” or “You always do …” Be assertive but not confrontational. Listen and truly hear what your loved one has to say. Think of all the positive things you have loved about this person over the years. Look into his or her eyes and say you’re sorry if you need to. Then forgive yourself.
Let yourself laugh. Find humor to the situation, if you can. The two of you may end up laughing together. It’s a powerful tension reliever. But avoid sarcasm.
Head off future triggers. Think in advance about things that have led you to grow impatient with your loved one. Figure out how to keep these things from happening again. One effective approach is to ask for things from your loved one rather than demand them. Decide to keep your tone positive moving forward. Work to let go of anger. Dwelling on it can engulf you in bitterness.
Accept help. Exhaustion affects mood so it’s important to incorporate routine exercise and relaxation into your life. To do this, you may need a helping hand. Family members or friends might be willing and able to step in so that you can take breaks. An in-home care aide or healthcare professional can also be a sanity savior, if you are able to hire one. These skilled workers can assist you at regular intervals, giving your loved one gentle care while you take a needed breather and refocus.
It’s important to understand that anger is sometimes warranted and can point to areas where change needs to be made. But if you feel you are expressing anger in unhealthy or out-of-control ways, seek professional help or share your feelings with a support group.
10 Tips to Help You Start and Keep a Dream Journal
Did you know that Google, sewing machines, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Paul McCartney’s “Yesterday” all share something in common? They were all inspired by dreams. Dreams are mystical and amazing sources of insight and inspiration. Unfortunately, most people recall less than 10% of their dreams. But there is a simple practice to help you remember your dreams—start and keep a dream journal! It may sound like an impossible feat. How do you write down what you don’t remember? The key is your intention and your willingness to make dream recall and journaling a daily part of your morning routine. Committing as little as five minutes a day can make a world of difference in remembering and deciphering your dream life.
Here are 10 tips to keeping a dream journal to help you get started. Maybe the next amazing invention or inspiring creative work will find its beginnings in your dream journal.
1. Pick a journal. Inexpensive composition books that cost under a dollar work great. If you want to use something special be sure to choose one that you’ll feel comfortable writing in. Avoid something with gilded edges that might feel too fancy or intimidating to scribble in before you’ve had a cup of coffee.
2. Keep your dream journal by your bed. The very act of having a dream journal on your nightstand is a shout-out to your unconscious that you are serious about wanting to recall your dreams. This bold intention often kick-starts your ability to remember your dreams.
3. Write in your journal when you wake up. Even if your only memory is something as simple as a color – simply write the date and what you remember. It’s fine to write “no luck I can’t remember” –just write something.
4. Don’t be afraid to draw. Some dreams are easier to capture in an image. When you have a strong visual in your mind’s eye, instead of writing a few words—draw a picture. Don’t worry if it’s a stick figure or something that looks like a cave painting–just capture your memory on the page.
5. You don’t need to write in sentences. Jotting down a few keywords is fine if that works best for you. Most important is to track what you remember in a way that you understand when you reread it later—and in a way that’s quick and easy so you’ll keep journaling daily.
6. Feelings are important. Remember to capture whatever emotions you recall. Were you happy in the dream? Maybe you saw something that doesn’t make sense but you clearly remember being afraid. Write it down.
7. Be as detailed as possible. The more you keep track, the more details you’ll remember and the lengthier your entries will become. You’ll be amazed at your progress in just a few weeks.
8. Write down any parallels with your life. If your dreams have similarities with experiences you are going through, be sure to note it in your dream journal. For example if you have a dream about being worried about a meeting at work, does this coincide with a presentation or some sort of work stress—if so, write it down.
9. Look for patterns in your dream recall. Do you remember your dreams better on weekdays or weekends? After watching TV or reading? See if you can determine what behaviors are helping or hindering you from remembering your dreams.
10. Trust your intuition rather than books on dream symbols. It’s fine to do a search on the internet and see if the common interpretation makes sense, but recognize that your dreams are personal and what you think it means trumps the dream dictionary. Ask yourself what the dream means to you.
10 Quotes to Live Your Best Life from Norman Vincent Peale
May 31 is the 122nd anniversary of Norman Vincent Peale’s birth. Author, minister, and founder of Guideposts, Dr. Peale, is best known as the father of positive thinking. He continues to uplift new generations with his legacy of inspiration and optimism. The uplifting quotes from Dr. Norman Vincent Peale will inspire you to be your best at any age.
10 Motivational Quotes for Weight Loss
When it comes to eating healthier or exercising a bit more, everyone can use encouragement. We’ve collected some inspiring quotes to help you each day as you work to make healthy choices. No matter where you are on your journey, we hope these quotes will inspire you to take good care of yourself.
10 Inspiring Stories About Managing Mental Illness
For 75 years, Guideposts has been a beacon of hope, positive thinking and true stories. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness on the struggles of mental illness. In honor of this month, we’ve collected some of our most inpiritational stories on depression, anxiety and how to live with mental illnesses.
Abraham Lincoln: A Courage Born of Depression
In this moving Guideposts story, writer Elizabeth Sherrill unpacks Abraham Lincoln’s history of mental health struggles, and in so doing, finds an understanding of her own.
Rebekah Lyons’ 6-Step Morning Routine to Reduce Anxiety
The author and speaker broke down how her morning habits help set her up for a worry-free day.
Glenn Close on Destigmatizing Mental Illness
In this 2010 Guideposts cover story, actress Glenn Close opened up about how her family’s history of mental illness led to her becoming an advocate.
5 Prayers for Depression
A chaplain shares prayers that help him and his family deal with his depression.
How Cooking Helped Kevin Curry Confront His Depression
Chef Kevin Curry shares how cooking and prayer gave him the strength to fight for his mental health.
How She Coped with Her Husband’s Depression
A wife shares how processing her grief helped her cope with her husband’s mental illness.
After Depression, Her Rescue Dog Gave Her Hope
Find inspiration in Lavanya Sunkara’s Guideposts story about how her relationship with her dog has improved her mental health.
8 Bible Verses for Depression
Turn to these Scriptures when you or a loved one need encouragement that, no matter your mental state, you are not alone.
How Ginger Zee Learned to Manage Her Depression
The TV personality shared how acknowledging and confronting her depression has helped mer manage it in this Guideposts cover story.
Louie Giglio Gets Real about Battling Depression and Anxiety
The pastor of Passion City Church offers tips from his own experiences dealing with mental illness.
10 Inspiring Quotes from NASA Astronauts
Throughout decades of space missions and moon walks, NASA astronauts have boldly gone where no one has gone before. Many of them returned with a new perspective on Earth—and on life. As NASA sets its sights on the Moon once again with the Artemis program (and after the successful launch of Artemis 1), these inspiring quotes remind us how space exploration can inspire hope, unity, and a sense of wonder.